|
Viewing 28 - 36 out of 139 Blogs.
| Page:
|
|
|
4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames Barrier in the heart of London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam
A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, "Don't enter that church, you daft c**t !!!" His wife asks him, "What are you watching?" He replies, "Our bloody wedding video"
Tags: jokes, coupla odd ones
MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power! DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight! OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH! CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!
Tags: jokes, interesting vocabulary
Two men are in a doctor's office. Each of them are to get a vasectomy... The nurse comes into the room & tells both men "Stripdown & put these gowns on before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done."
A few minutes later she returns & reaches into one man's gown & proceeds to fondle & ultimately begins to masturbate him. Shocked as he was, he asks "Why are you doing that?" To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure." The man not wanting to be a problem & enjoying it, allows her to complete her task. After she is through, she proceeds to the next man.. She starts to fondle the man as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees & proceeds to give him oral sex. The first man seeing this quickly responds, "Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated & he gets a blow job?" The nurse simply replies, "Sir, there is a difference between NHS & Private treatment!"
Tags: joke, at the doctors
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years, and it had a large pond at the back of the property. The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe-pitching courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over, and he took with him a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he got closer, he saw that the noise was coming from a number of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Tags: joke, some old men think quick
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect!'
A wife gets naked & asks her husband, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!'
An elderly couple are attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
Tags: jokes, short sharp shock
Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."
Tags: joke, wrong side of the bed
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Tags: joke, doctors visit
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Tags: joke, women having problems
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Tags: joke, wisdom comes with age
| Page:
|
|
|
4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
