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Want to go to heaven?
Posted On 10/23/2013 10:04:09

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!"


He then approaches a second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?"


"No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied.


The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Tags: joke, want to go to heaven


Lion and the Elephant
Posted On 10/22/2013 10:36:23

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant,"Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

Tags: joke, lion and elephant


Birthday certificate
Posted On 10/22/2013 10:29:27

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what 
to get my wife for her birthday. 
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

 
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So the first fella did just that.

 

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours"

Tags: joke, birthday certificate


Ethel and Mabel
Posted On 10/22/2013 10:27:08

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.

Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage'book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.
'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk about.

Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"


Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

Tags: joke, elderly women


Hillbilly Dating?
Posted On 10/22/2013 10:24:27

Greetings and salivations

 

Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

 

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

 

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

 

I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

 

If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?

 Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

Tags: joke, hillbilly dating


The story behind your birthdate
Posted On 09/25/2013 10:16:15

BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH is a story


Hey this is really true and see it will work for you too


If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1....


If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2...


If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3...


If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4...


If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5...


If U were born on the 6th, 15th, 24th of any month then U r number 6...


If U were born on the 7th, 16th, 25th of any month then U r number 7...


If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8...


If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9...




Number 1

You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities, Famous person... always want to be and regarded as first on people position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under others, self confident people! You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some people too...

Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...


Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 2


No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. You are a person who day dream a lot, you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication. Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home). If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge you can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any Artistic business people! You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole family. If U r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of Your family...You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!


Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!


note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 3


You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get anything without hardwork! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them. You do set so many examples to others. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitude then here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others. Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. you will always have brilliant kids!!! 

You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow. You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition focused, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!!


Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!


note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 4

You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power.. Might put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost) at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don't know what to do... So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!! Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gems, specially the girls.. You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing... but you will be unemployed.. or will do very ordinary jobs. But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too.. You are radical, patient, persistent,a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...

Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 5

You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just chatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything when your head thinks "lets do this". You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humor ,you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity.. You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher!!!


Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 6

Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You don't care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love.

You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family & friends. If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...

Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 7

You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic, very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above. You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life. Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime. It's probably the Lord given you all sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life.  So you need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue, ok? You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person.. You are born to contribute lots to this world!!!


Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 8

You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say "this is what". You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life. The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others. Well. once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems such as: the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents. You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter!


Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!

note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore


Number 9

Hey...you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally... You are often have big-aims. You will work hard and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life.. But when you achieve what you have done, it's always a big task you have done!  You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off. You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you. Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children. Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice. You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.

Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2


note: if u dont share bad luck for 10 years it true please dont ignore

Tags: Birthdate, Survey, story


Are you a chicken or a hen?
Posted On 09/25/2013 10:00:19

Look Up Your Birthday And See What You Are.....

January 01 - 09 ~ Dog

January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse

January 25 - 31 ~ Lion

February 01 - 05 ~ Cat

February 06 - 14 ~ Dove

February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle

February 22 - 28 ~ Panther

March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey

March 13 - 15 ~ Lion

March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse

March 24 - 31 ~ Cat

April 01 - 03 ~ Dog

April 04 - 14 ~ Panther

April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse

April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle

May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey

May 14 - 21 ~ Dove

May 22 - 31 ~ Lion

June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse

June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle

June 15 - 20 ~ Dog

June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey

June 25 - 30 ~ Cat

July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse

July 10 - 15 ~ Dog

July 16 - 26 ~ Dove

July 27 - 31 ~ Cat

August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey

August 16 - 25 ~ Mouse

August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle

September 01 - 14 ~ Dove

September 15 - 27 ~ Cat

September 28 - 30 ~ Dog

October 01 - 15 ~ Monkey

October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle

October 28 - 31 ~ Panther

November 01 - 16 ~ Lion

November 17 - 30 ~ Cat

December 01 - 16 ~ Dog

December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey

December 26 - 31 ~ Dove


If you are aDog : A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified. Repost This If It's True For You.!! 4 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Mouse : Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!Repost This If It's True For You.!! 3 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Lion : Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. Popular and easy-going. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. People love the way you always treat them. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!!Repost This If It's True For You.!! 5 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Cat : An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.Repost This If It's True For You.!! 2 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Turtle : You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys. Repost This If It's True For You.!! 10 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Dove : You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....Repost This If It's True For You.!! 8 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Panther : You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.Repost This If It's True For You.!! 12 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


If you are a Monkey : Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!! Repost This If It's True For You.!! 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.

Tags: Birthdate, Survey


Horse and hen
Posted On 09/22/2013 03:14:39

Horse and hen


There once was a horse and a chicken that were really good friends. 

One day while walking throught the swamp the horse fell into a huge mud puddle. Unable to get out, he asked the chicken to go and get the farmer before he sank to the bottom.

The chicken raced to the farm but couldn't find the farmer anywhere. 

So, he jumped into the farmers new Porsche and raced back to the puddle. 

He tied a rope to the bumper and threw the other end to the horse and pulled him out.

The horse was very greatful and said he would repay him one day.

Not long after that the two were walking through the woods again and the chicken fell into a mud puddle. Panicing he screamed for the horse to help him.

The horse straddled the puddle and lowered his cock for the chicken to grab and then pulled him out to safety.


The moral of the story is: 'If you are built like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks.'

Tags: joke, horse and hen


New Orleans Flight
Posted On 09/22/2013 03:12:44

New Orleans Flight

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin; "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" 

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Tags: joke, new orleans flight




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