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PERSONAL NOTE: Sorry for not posting yesterday, I really forgot, as it was my birthday and I was on the go from the time I got up to late evening. I was taken shopping and out to mexican dinner. Won't say the food was the best, as they messed up my order, and service was slow. .but the company was GREAT! and that is what counts to me. Granny, just another year older and deeper in debt. . .lol, but arent we all? giggles
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Ten Commandments for Getting Along With People
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."1
Relationships are truly the spice of life. When we get to the end of our life who wants to be the richest man in the cemetery? Not me, but I do want to be rich in loving relationships.
I have no idea who the author is but I have read the following commandments for getting along with people.
1. Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.
2. Smile at people. It takes seventy-two muscles to frown and only fourteen to smile.
3. Call people by name. The sweetest music to anyone's ears is the sound of his or her name.
4. Be friendly and helpful. If you would have friends, be friendly.
5. Be cordial. Speak and act as if everything you do is a genuine pleasure [make sure that it is].
6. Be genuinely interested in people. You can find something interesting about every person.
7. Be generous with praise … and cautious with criticism.
8. Be considerate of the feelings of others. It will be appreciated.
9. Be thoughtful of the opinion of others. There are three sides to a conversation/argument: yours, the other person's, and the right one!
10. Be alert to give service. What you do for others is important.2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a friendly person and a channel for your love to every life I touch. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Jesus in John 13:34 (NIV).
********************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
ir·re·gard·less [ir-i-gahrd-lis] adverb Nonstandard . regardless.
Origin: 1910–15; ir-2 (probably after irrespective ) + regardless
Can be confused: irregardless, regardless (see usage note at the current entry ).
Usage note Irregardless is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir- and -less. It was probably formed on the analogy of such words as irrespective, irrelevant, and irreparable. Those who use it, including on occasion educated speakers, may do so from a desire to add emphasis. Irregardless first appeared in the early 20th century and was perhaps popularized by its use in a comic radio program of the 1930s
Word Origin & History
irregardless an erroneous word that, etymologically, means the exact opposite of what it is used to express, attested in non-standard writing from at least 1870s (e.g. "Portsmouth Times," Portsmouth, Ohio, U.S.A., April 11, 1874: "We supported the six successful candidates for Council in the face of a strong opposition. We were led to do so because we believed every man of them would do his whole duty, irregardless of party, and the columns of this paper for one year has told what is needed."); probably a blend of irrespective and regardless. Perhaps inspired by the double negative used as an emphatic.
************************************** Brick Economy
A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said.
"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.
A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop window. "What I would give to own that!" she said.
"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.
Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I would do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.
"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something?"
--------------------------- Pet Shop and the Butcher
One afternoon, a butcher went into a pet shop. The butcher had visited that same pet shop every day for a week straight. It seems that he had fallen in love with one of the seagulls in the shop.
Alas, he had no money to spend, but the pet shop owner agreed to give him the bird in exchange for some of the delicious German sausage from the butcher's store.
And so, the deal was made. It seems that he took a tern for the wurst. ---------------
Math Argument
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do." He then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called the waitress over.
"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond 'one-third X cubed.' There's twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed.
The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician stated. Incidentally, do you know what the integral of X squared is?"
The waitress looked pensive, almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one-third X cubed?"
So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the two men, and muttered under her breath, "Plus A constant."
-------------------------- Medicine vs. Sports
Former college basketball coach Abe Lemmons made the following observations concerning the differences between doctors and coaches.
Doctors can bury their mistakes: Coaches still have theirs on scholarships.
Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot: Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor.
Just once I'd like to see the win-loss records of doctors right out front where people can see them: Won ten, Lost three, Tied two.
--------------------- New Millennium Office Terminology
FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generator running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
----------------------------
Ice Cream
An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said.
"I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied.
"I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the gentleman.
A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."
------------------------------ Credit Card Bill
In January 2000, a man received a bill for his, as yet unused credit card, stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In February, he received another and threw that one away, too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating that they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00.
He called them and was told that it was a computer error, and that they would take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card, figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store when he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled.
He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again, and was told that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day, the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.
Finally giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own game by mailing them a check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation, the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash.
The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00, and unless he sent a check they would be taking steps to recover the debt.
The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
********************************** RECIPES:
7 Unexpected Uses for Your Microwave
Microwave Potato Chips Chances are you have a microwave sitting somewhere in your kitchen. They've gotten smaller over the years, but even the most svelte version takes up precious real estate. It's time to put that baby to work.
Here are 7 unexpected uses for your microwave:
1. Cook fish - Cook a steak in the microwave and you'll end up with shoe leather. Fish, on the other hand, can be cooked perfectly in the microwave. Simply wrap your fish in microwave-safe plastic with a little seasoning (salt and pepper and some lemon, perhaps) and cook for about 2 minutes on high. (The time for doneness will vary depending on the strength of your microwave and the size and shape of your fillet. Watch it closely to prevent overcooking.) Don't Miss: 7-Layer Southwestern Bean Dip & More Easy Recipes You Can Make In Your Microwave
2. Sanitize your kitchen sponge - Sponges are a breeding ground for germs. It's easy to just throw them away, but they're not cheap, so extend the use of your sponge by zapping away harmful bacteria in your microwave daily! Just place your (wet) sponge in the microwave and nuke it for 2 minutes on High. That should be enough to kill 99% of the harmful bacteria that set up camp there.
3. Make potato chips - It's hard to believe anything can get as crispy as a potato chip in the microwave, but believe it! Thinly sliced potatoes crisp up beautifully in the microwave (see the recipe below) and since these crispy chips aren't fried, they're healthier for you, too, with around 8 grams less fat per serving than regular chips. Who knew?
4. Steam vegetables - Put that annoying steamer basket away and cook your veggies in the microwave. Not only is it easier, but it's better for you. The longer and hotter you cook a food, the more you'll lose certain heat- and water-sensitive nutrients, especially vitamin C and thiamin Â- a B vitamin. Because microwave cooking often cooks foods more quickly, it can actually help to minimize nutrient losses. Don't Miss: How to Microwave 20 Vegetables
5. Soften brown sugar - Ever go to make cookies and find your brown sugar is as hard as a rock? Put down your chisel, moisten some paper towels and place them on top of your brick of brown sugar. Microwave in 30-second increments and your brown sugar will loosen up. Crisis averted.
6. Cook bacon - No room for another pan on your stove to cook bacon in for breakfast? No worries. You can get crispy bacon in your microwave. (With less mess!) Cover a microwave-safe dish with a couple of paper towels. Add bacon in a single layer. Cover the bacon with a couple more paper towels and cook in 2-minute increments until crispy.
7. Use it as a proofer - Calling all bakers! Need a warm, moist place for your dough to rise? The microwave is the perfect place to set up a temporary proofer (for nonbakers, a proofer is a contraption that creates ideal conditions, i.e., warm and moist, for yeast breads to rise.) The sealed environment of your microwave will keep the moisture and heat in. Just heat a cup of water in your microwave until it's steaming, then put your dough in along with it, shut the door and let it do its thing.
Microwave Potato Chips
Active time: 30 minutes Total: 30 minutes
To make ahead: Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.
You don't need a deep fryer to make crispy potato chips. We toss thinly sliced potatoes with just a touch of olive oil, pop them in the microwave and voilà ! Crispy, crunchy homemade potato chips with 8 grams less fat per serving than regular chips.
1 1/3 pounds Yukon Gold or red potatoes, unpeeled, scrubbed 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1. Slice potatoes into thin (1/8-inch) rounds. Toss the slices in a medium bowl with oil and salt to coat evenly. 2. Coat a large microwave-proof plate with cooking spray. Arrange some potato slices in a single layer on the plate. Microwave, uncovered, on High until some slices start to brown, 2 to 3 minutes (depending on potato thickness and microwave power). Turn the slices over and continue microwaving until they start to crisp and brown around the edges, 2 to 4 minutes more. Check frequently and rearrange slices as needed to prevent scorching. Transfer the chips to another plate and allow to cool completely. (They will crisp more as they cool.) Repeat with the remaining potato slices. Makes 4 servings, 12-14 chips each. Per serving: 141 calories; 2 g fat (0 g sat, 2 g mono); 0 mg cholesterol; 26 g carbohydrate; 3 g protein; 2 g fiber; 291 mg sodium; 807 mg potassium.
********************************** Carrot Oatmeal Cookie
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour 1 teaspoon baking powder scant 1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt 1 cup rolled oats 2/3 cup chopped walnuts 1 cup shredded carrots 1/2 cup real maple syrup, room temperature 1/2 cup unrefined (fragrant) coconut oil, warmed until just melted 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 375F degrees and line two baking sheets with parchment paper. In a large bowl whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, and oats. Add the nuts and carrots. In a separate smaller bowl use a whisk to combine the maple syrup, coconut oil, and ginger. Add this to the flour mixture and stir until just combined. Drop onto prepared baking sheets, one level tablespoonful at a time, leaving about 2 inches between each cookie. Bake in the top 1/3 of the oven for 10 - 12 minutes or until the cookies are golden on top and bottom.
Makes about 2 1/2 dozen cookies.
********************************** Cheddar Bacon Scalloped Potatoes
Traditional scalloped potatoes are made extra tasty in this potato recipe with a velvety cheese sauce made from evaporated milk, plus cheese and bacon. SERVES 6 -8 Ingredients
1/2 lb bacon, cooked and crumbled 2-3 lbs potatoes (6 medium) 3 tablespoons butter 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper (to taste) 1 (12 ounce) can evaporated milk 8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese 2 green onions, thinly sliced
Directions
1Place potatoes in large saucepan. Cover with water; bring to a boil. Cook over medium-high heat for 8 to 10 minutes or until just fork tender; drain. 2Meanwhile, melt butter in medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in flour, salt and pepper. Gradually stir in evaporated milk, water and 1/3 cup bacon. Cook for about 8 to 10 minutes, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Remove from heat. Stir in 1 1/2 cups cheese and green onion. 3Layer half of potatoes in ungreased 3-quart microwave-safe dish. Pour half of sauce over potatoes. Top with remaining potatoes and sauce. Top with remaining cheese and bacon. Microwave uncovered on HIGH (100%) power for 2 to 3 minutes or until cheese is melted.
**********************************
Oven-Fried Potatoes & Sweet
Hungry for fries? Slice potatoes into long thin wedges, toss with a little oil, salt and pepper, and pop them in the oven. They’ll crisp to perfection—irresistible.
Makes 6 servings
ACTIVE TIME: 15 minutes
TOTAL TIME: 45 minutes
EASE OF PREPARATION: Easy
1 pound all-purpose potatoes, preferably Yukon Gold (2-4 medium), scrubbed 1 pound sweet potatoes (about 2 small), scrubbed 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/4 teaspoon paprika Salt & freshly ground pepper to taste
1. Position rack in upper third of oven; preheat to 450°F. Coat a baking sheet with cooking spray. 2. Cut each potato lengthwise into 8 wedges. Cut sweet potatoes into wedges about the same size. Place potatoes and sweet potatoes in a large bowl and toss with oil, paprika, salt and pepper. 3. Spread the potatoes and sweet potatoes on the prepared baking sheet and roast for 20 minutes. Loosen and turn; roast until golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes longer. Serve immediately.
NUTRITION INFORMATION: Per serving: 138 calories; 2 g fat (0 g sat, 2 g mono); 0 mg cholesterol; 27 g carbohydrate; 3 g protein; 4 g fiber; 94 mg sodium; 576 mg potassium. Nutrition bonus: Vitamin A (71% daily value), Vitamin C (42% dv), Fiber & Potassium (16% dv). 2 Carbohydrate Servings Exchanges: 2 starch, 1/2 fat
**********************************
Crispy Lemon Cookies Crispy thin cookies with great flavor. I got this recipe from the back of a "Florida Crystals" Natural Cane Sugar bag
Ingredients
1 cup butter, room temperature 1 cup sugar (preferably natural cane) 2 1/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour 1/4 cup sour cream 3/4 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon lemon extract 1 cup powdered sugar 1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice zest from 1/2 lemon
Directions
1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 2 Cream the butter and sugar until smooth. 3 Add the flour, sour cream, baking soda and lemon extract and blend until smooth. 4 Divide dough in half and place each half on a piece of wax paper. Roll each section into a 2 inch log and freeze until firm. 5 Remove 1 log at a time, slice dough into 1/8 inch slices. 6 Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake until edges are golden brown. 7 Remove from oven, cool for 1 minute, remove from pan and cool on rack. 8 Drizzle with icing if desired. 9For Lemon Icing: Mix all ingredients until smooth. Drizzle over cookies. Let icing dry before storing.
**********************************
THINGS TO PONDER: What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?
************ Strength does not come from winning Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength." ************
You might be a REDNECK if... ...yours truly, have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops
************
Quote Of The Day "Don't learn to do, but learn in doing. Let your falls not be on a prepared ground, but let them be bona fide falls in the rough and tumble of the world." -Samuel Butler
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Making Use of What You Have
"What is that in your hand?" God asked Moses.1
At the close of World War II, Jimmy Durante, the famous comedian, was invited to entertain wounded soldiers at a veteran's hospital. He said he would be able to do only one very short routine as he had two radio shows to do that day.
The man who invited him was amazed when Durante didn't rush off but gave three complete routines.
"Why did you stay so long," the man asked, "you've probably missed your radio shows?" Durante answered, "Look at the men and you will see for yourself."
There on the front row were two men, each of whom had lost an arm, who were applauding by clapping their two remaining hands together."
Whether we have little or much doesn't matter in God's economy. What we do with what we have is what counts with him. When we bring what little we have and give that to God for him to use in his plans—and work together—God can do great things with and through us.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, I am available. Please use me today to help lighten another person's load, to encourage a friend, to love my family, to be a witness for you, or in some way to be 'as Jesus' to every person I touch today. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Exodus 4:2.
********************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
peroration per-uh-REY-shuhn , noun: 1. A long speech characterized by lofty and often pompous language. 2. Rhetoric. The concluding part of a speech or discourse, in which the speaker or writer recapitulates the principal points and urges them with greater earnestness and force.
Thus he apostrophised his house and race in terms of the most moving eloquence; but when it came to the peroration—and what is eloquence that lacks a peroration?—he fumbled. He would have liked to have ended with a flourish to the effect that he would follow in their footsteps and add another stone to their building. -- Virginia Woolf, Orlando: A Biography
This person always provides a dramatic peroration; it is expected of him and he seldom disappoints. Tamsour is the theme; and the substance is usually personal aggrandizement, sometimes a bit of self-pity, but never apologies for past misdeeds, real or imaginary. -- Jack Vance, Night Lamp
Peroration comes from the Latin word peroration which meant "a closing speech." ********************************** RECIPES:
Ugly Duckling Cake
1 Box Duncan Hines yellow Cake Mix 1 Large box vanilla pudding mix 1 Large can crushed pineapple 1 Large carton cool whip Pecans if desired
Bake cake according to directions on box. Use milk instead of water.Bake in a medium square pan.Do not use a small pan for it will run over. When cake is done,cool. After the cake is cooled,punch holes with a fork all over the cake.Then put the whole can of pineapples with juice on top of cake. Then fix the pudding mix according to package directions and then let sit for about 5 minutes to set up,then put on top of pineapples. Then put cool whip on top of pudding. You can put nuts on top of pudding if you like,it might make it taste better.
********************************** Ham-Twisted Pretzels with Beer Dip
Get the party started right with these easy fresh-baked soft pretzel appetizers wrapped in ham. The rich, cheesy beer dip provides decadent dunking.
PREP TIME 50 min TOTAL TIME 50 min SERVINGS 24
Ingredients
Pretzels 1 can (11 oz) refrigerated breadsticks 1 package (2.5 oz) thinly sliced lean ham 1 egg, beaten 1 teaspoon coarse salt, if desired
Beer Dip 4 oz cream cheese (from 8-oz package), softened 1/3 cup regular or nonalcoholic beer 2 tablespoons mayonnaise or salad dressing 1/4 cup finely shredded Cheddar-American cheese blend (1 oz)
Directions
1 Heat oven to 375°F. Grease large cookie sheet with shortening or spray with cooking spray. Unroll breadstick dough; separate into 12 breadsticks. Cut each breadstick lengthwise in half.
2 On work surface, roll each piece of dough into 9-inch rope. Cut each slice of ham into 4 equal strips. Wrap 2 pieces ham around each rope (in a candy cane pattern). Tie each rope into a loose knot. Place on cookie sheet. Brush with egg. Sprinkle lightly with salt.
3 Bake 10 to 13 minutes or until light golden brown on top and golden brown on bottom.
4 Meanwhile, in small microwavable bowl, beat cream cheese, beer and mayonnaise with electric mixer on low speed until smooth. Stir in cheese blend. Microwave uncovered on High 1 to 2 minutes, stirring once, until heated through. Serve dip with pretzels.
********************************** Maple Walnut Blondie Prep Time: 15 min Total Time: 40 min Serving Size: 9 Servings Ingredients 1 cup flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/8 teaspoon baking soda 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup chopped walnuts 1/3 cup butter, melted 1 cup packed brown sugar 1 large egg 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup white chocolate chips Sauce: 1/4 cup butter, softened 1/4 cup powdered sugar 1 ounce cream cheese (2 tablespoons), softened 1 tablespoon maple syrup Directions 1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line an 8x8 pan with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray.
2 In a bowl add flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and walnuts. Whisk to combine. Set aside.
3 In a large bowl, mix the melted butter and brown sugar with a mixer. Add the egg and vanilla and mix well. Add the flour mixture a little at a time until combined. Stir in white chocolate chips. Spread into the 8x8 pan and bake for 20-25 minutes or until center passes the toothpick test. I like mine a little on the gooey side. Remember right out of the oven they may seem gooey but once they cool they set up more.
4Serve warm with ice cream and Maple Butter Sauce.
5For the Maple Butter Sauce: In a small bowl add the butter, powdered sugar, cream cheese, and maple syrup. Blend with a mixer until smooth.
6When ready to serve, heat the maple butter sauce for about 30 seconds in the microwave and pour over warmed blondie and ice cream.
**********************************
Dirty Rice Active Time: 30 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes Yield: 6 servings, about 1 1/3 cups each
A Louisiana favorite, our version of this spicy dish uses whole-grain Wehani rice. Long-grain brown rice also works. Traditionally made with chicken liver, which gives it a “dirty†color, we use healthy lean chicken sausage instead.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups Wehani or long-grain brown rice 3 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 tablespoon peanut oil or canola oil 10 ounces cooked chicken andouille or other spicy chicken sausage, cut into 1/2-inch pieces 1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onion 1 1/4 cups chopped celery 1 cup chopped green bell pepper 1 cup chopped red bell pepper 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme leaves 1/4-1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt DIRECTIONS Bring rice and broth to a boil in a large saucepan. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer at the lowest bubble until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is tender, about 50 minutes. Remove from the heat and let stand, covered, for 10 minutes.
While the rice is standing, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add sausage and cook, stirring, until it begins to brown, about 5 minutes. Add onion, celery, green and red bell pepper and garlic and cook, stirring, until the onion is soft, about 5 minutes more. Stir in thyme, cayenne to taste and salt. Stir the sausage mixture into the rice and serve.
********************************** Pulled Pork Active Time: 1 Hour Total Time: 6 Hours Yield: 12 servings, 3 ounces each
If the idea of succulent barbecue gets your mouth watering but you are not inclined to smoke a big hunk of meat for hours over a smoldering fire, this oven-cooked version is for you.
Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days or freeze for up to 2 months.
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 2 medium yellow onions, diced 2 tablespoons chili powder 1 tablespoon cumin 2 teaspoons paprika 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper 12 ounces beer, preferably lager (1 1/2 cups) 3/4 cup ketchup 3/4 cup cider vinegar 1/2 cup whole-grain mustard 2 tablespoons tomato paste (see Ingredient notes) 1 canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced, plus 1 tablespoon adobo sauce 1 5-pound bone-in Boston butt (see Ingredient notes)
Ingredient Note: Levels of sodium in tomato paste vary from 20 mg to 290 mg per 2 tablespoons. To find the lower-sodium varieties, check nutrition labels.
Boston butt (or "Boston-style butt," "fresh pork butt," "pork shoulder") can weigh upwards of 10 pounds, so you may have to ask your butcher to cut one down for this recipe. DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.
Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned and very soft, about 20 minutes.
Increase heat to high; add chili powder, cumin, paprika and cayenne and cook, stirring, until fragrant, 1 minute. Add beer, ketchup, vinegar, mustard, tomato paste, chipotle pepper and adobo sauce; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is slightly thickened, 10 minutes. Meanwhile, trim all visible fat from the pork.
Remove the pan from the heat and add the pork, spooning sauce over it. Cover the pan, transfer to the oven and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Turn the pork over, cover, and bake for 1 1/2 hours more. Uncover and bake until a fork inserted into the meat turns easily, 1 to 2 hours more.
Transfer the pork to a large bowl and cover with foil. Pour the sauce into a large measuring cup or glass bowl and refrigerate until the fat and sauce begin to separate, 15 minutes. Skim off the fat. Return the sauce to the pan and heat over medium-high until hot, about 4 minutes.
Remove the bone and any remaining pieces of fat from the meat. The bone should easily slip away from the tender meat. Pull the pork apart into long shreds using two forks. Add the hot sauce to the meat; stir to combine. Serve hot.
********************************** JOKES:
QUOTES:
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Jonathan Swift "May you live every day of your life."
Arnold Schwarzenegger "I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun."
Groucho Marx "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
CONFUCIOUS SAYS: Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.
THINGS TO PONDER: Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from? ------------------------------
Learn English with... Proverbs of the week:
"As you sow, so shall you reap." (English proverb)
"A man who would not love his father's grave is worse than a wild animal." (Native American quotes, Chief Joseph, Nez Perce)
"If the hair was precious, wouldn't grow on the ass." (Arabic proverb)
"Clothes make the man." (Dutch proverb)
=====================
JOKES:
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs =====================================
Two antarcticans were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first said, "You know, those look like deer tracks." The other said, "No, silly, those are moose tracks." They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.
===========================
The Bakery
A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner." As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After many trips, she is tired, irritated and begins to wonder "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?" Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?" "No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little.
===============================
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS:
God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.' The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.' 'Can you give us an example?' 'Thou shall not kill.' 'Not kill? We're not interested...!'
So, He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments for you...' The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honor thy Father and Mother.' 'Father?!? We don't know who our fathers are! We're not interested...!'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments...' The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shalt not steal.' 'Not steal?!? We're not interested...!'
Then, He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments...' The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' 'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery?!? We're not interested...!'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments...' 'Commandments?!?' They said, 'How much are they???' 'They're free!' 'Fine,' they said. 'We'll take 10!!!'
There, that should piss off just about everybody!
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
1 Peter 3: 8-12 Finally, all of you should agree and have concern and love for each other. You should also be kind and humble. Don't be hateful and insult people just because they are hateful and insult you. Instead, treat everyone with kindness. You are God's chosen ones and he will bless you. The Scriptures say, " Do you really love life? Do you want to be happy? Then stop saying cruel things and stop telling lies. Give up your evil ways and do right, as you find and follow the road that leads to peace. The Lord watches over everyone who obeys him, and he listens to their prayers. But he opposes everyone who does evil." (CEV)
******************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
excogitate eks-KOJ-i-teyt , verb: 1. To think out; devise; invent. 2. To study intently and carefully in order to grasp or comprehend fully.
But observe the singular phenomenon — on approximately the same date several thousand men and women of letters retire to secluded corners to excogitate a thing described as "charm"; each cudgeling his or her head for some variety which can possibly be regarded as original... -- Upton Sinclair, Money Writes!
I preferred to relate aloud, to excogitate in a lively, external manner, with a flow of invention as useless as was my declamation of it, a whole novel crammed with adventure, in which the Duchess, fallen upon misfortune… -- Marcel Proust, Swann's Way
Excogitate is related to the word cogitate which means "to think." The prefix ex- typically means "out of", but in this case it means "thoroughly."
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Learn to love with all your heart and accept the unlovable side of others. For anyone can love a rose, but it takes a great heart to include the thorns…... ~ranie~
******************************** RECIPES:
Caramel Cream Cheese Custard (Flan de Queso) Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 6 Hours 15 Minutes Yield: 12 servings
Every panaderia (bakery) in Puerto Rico has many flavors of flan, from vanilla to guava. Reduced-fat cream cheese gives this version a rich, comforting texture.
INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup sugar 2 tablespoons water 8 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese (Neufchâtel), softened 8 large eggs 1 14-ounce can nonfat or low-fat sweetened condensed milk 1 12-ounce can nonfat or low-fat evaporated milk 2 teaspoons vanilla extract DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Cook sugar and water in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, gently swirling the pan (do not stir), until the mixture turns golden brown, 5 to 7 minutes. Immediately, pour the caramel carefully into a 9-inch round metal cake pan. If it stiffens before it completely covers the bottom of the pan, warm the pan in the oven, then swirl to cover the bottom.
Beat cream cheese in a large bowl with a mixer at medium-high speed until soft. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until thoroughly combined, scraping down the sides. Add condensed milk, evaporated milk and vanilla; mix until combined. Carefully pour into the prepared pan. (You may hear some cracking; the pan will be very full).
Place the cake pan in a larger pan and pour enough hot water around it to come 1 inch up the sides. Bake until golden and set at the edges but still wobbly at the center, about 1 hour. A knife inserted in the center should come out clean.
Transfer the cake pan to a wire rack and let cool to room temperature, about 1 hour. Then cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight. To serve, run a knife around the edge of the pan and invert the flan onto a plate.
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Classic Fajitas
Yield: Serves 8
Although it was originally made with skirt steak, this combination of steak and vegetables grilled and then wrapped in warm tortillas is the dish that put flank steak on the culinary map in the United States. The ingredients go on the grill in order as the fire dies down: steak over a hot fire, vegetables over a medium fire, and tortillas around the edge of the medium to low fire just to warm them.
INGREDIENTS For the Chunky Guacamole: 3 medium avocados (preferably Hass) 2 tablespoons onion minced 1 medium clove of garlic minced 1 small jalapeno chile minced (1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons) 1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves minced 1/4 teaspoon table salt 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin (optional) 2 tablespoons lime juice
For the Classic Red Table Salsa: 3 large vine-ripened tomatoes (about 2 pounds), diced small 1/2 cup tomato juice 1 minced chipotle chile in adobo minced (about 2 tablespoons) 1 medium red onion diced small 1 medium clove of garlic minced 1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves chopped 1/2 cup lime juice from 4 medium limes Table salt
For the Flank Steak: 1 flank steak (about 2 1/2 pounds) 1/4 cup lime juice from 2 medium limes Table salt Ground black pepper 1 very large onion peeled and cut into half-inch slices 2 very large red bell peppers or green bell peppers, cored, seeded, and cut into large wedges 16 plain flour tortillas (10-inch) DIRECTIONS
FOR THE CHUNKY GUACAMOLE: Halve one avocado, remove pit, and scoop flesh into medium bowl. Mash flesh lightly with onion, garlic, jalapeño, cilantro, salt, and cumin (if using) with tines of a fork until just combined. Halve and pit remaining two avocados, and prepare. Gently scoop out avocado into bowl with mashed avocado mixture. Sprinkle lime juice over diced avocado and mix entire contents of bowl lightly with fork until combined but still chunky. Adjust seasoning with salt, if necessary, and serve. (Can be covered with plastic wrap, pressed directly onto surface of mixture, and refrigerated up to one day. Return guacamole to room temperature, removing plastic wrap at the last moment, before serving).
FOR THE CLASSIC RED TABLE SALSA: Mix all ingredients, including salt to taste, in medium bowl. Cover and refrigerate to blend flavors, at least 1 hour or up to 5 days.
FOR THE FLANK STEAKS: Ignite about 7 quarts charcoal and burn until coals are completely covered with thin coating of light-gray ash, 20 to 30 minutes. Pile coals on one-half of grill bottom, position grill rack and heat until very hot (you can hold your hand 5 inches above grill surface for 2 seconds). Generously sprinkle both sides of steak with lime juice, salt and pepper; place directly over coals and grill until well-seared and dark brown on first side, 5 to 7 minutes. Flip steak using tongs; continue grilling on second side until interior of meat is slightly less done than you want it to be when you eat it, 2 to 5 minutes more for medium-rare (depending on heat of fire and thickness of steak). Transfer meat to cutting board; cover loosely with foil, and let rest 5 to 10 minutes. Slice very thin, on bias against the grain; adjust seasoning with additional salt and pepper. When charcoal fire has died down to medium or gas grill burners are adjusted to medium (you can hold your hand 5 inches above grill surface for 4 seconds), grill onions and peppers, turning occasionally, until onions are lightly charred, about 6 minutes, and peppers are streaked with dark grill marks, about 10 minutes. Remove onions and peppers from grill and cut peppers into long, thin strips; set aside. Arrange tortillas around edge of grill; heat until just warmed, about 20 seconds per side. (Do not dry out tortillas or they get brittle; wrap tortillas in towel to keep warm.) Remove to platter; set aside.
TO SERVE FAJITAS: Arrange sliced meat and vegetables on large platter; serve immediately, with tortillas, salsa, and guacamole passed separately.
********************************** Greek Lamb Skewers
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 20 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 lb. diced lean lamb 1/4 cup lemon juice 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 teaspoons minced garlic 2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano leaves
DIRECTIONS Marinate diced lamb in combined lemon juice, oil, garlic and oregano for 1 - 12 hours. Prepare a fire in a grill to a high heat. (For wood or charcoal barbecues, heat to glowing coals. There must be no flames.) Thread diced lamb onto metal skewers, reserving marinade to use as a baste. Cook, turning and basting occasionally, for about 8 minutes, or until sealed, well browned and done to your liking.
********************************** Grilled Chicken, Plantain and Pineapple Skewers Yield: 4 servings
INGREDIENTS
For the Chicken: 8 chicken thighs, boneless and skinless, cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks 4 strips bacon, cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces 1/2 pineapple, peeled, cored and cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks 2 plantains, ripe, peeled and cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks 1/2 cup pineapple juice 1/4 cup lime juice 2 tablespoons oregano, chopped 2 garlic gloves, minced 1/2 cup vegetable oil
For the Pineapple Dipping Sauce: 2 teaspoons vegetable oil 1 large onion, minced 1 10-ounce jar of pineapple fruit spread and remaining marinade
DIRECTIONS
FOR THE PINEAPPLE DIPPING SAUCE: In medium bowl, stir together vegetable oil, minced onion, pineapple fruit spread and remaining marinade. Boil as instructed before serving.
FOR THE CHICKEN: On eight 10-inch skewers, thread chicken, bacon, pineapple and plantains, alternating ingredients. Set skewers on a tray with sides or in a glass baking dish. In small bowl, stir together pineapple juice, lime juice, oregano and garlic cloves. Pour pineapple juice mixture over skewers, turning to coat all sides thoroughly. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, and up to 24 hours, turning skewers occasionally. Before cooking chicken, prepare pineapple sauce. Prepare grill. When coals are hot, lift skewers out of marinade and brush lightly with vegetable oil. Grill over medium-hot coals for about 20 minutes, turning often. Stir remaining marinade into sauce. Boil sauce over hot stove, stirring often, for 4 minutes.
Serve skewers hot, passing Pineapple Dipping Sauce separately.
********************************** Cheese-Garlic Biscuits (Cooking for 2) Bisquick Heart Smart recipe! Mmm! Warm and cheesy biscuits are a snap to make.
PREP TIME 10 min TOTAL TIME 20 min SERVINGS 5
1 cup Bisquick Heart Smart mix 1/3 cup fat-free (skim) milk 1/4 cup shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese (1 oz) 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder Butter-flavor cooking spray, if desired
1 Heat oven to 450°F.
2 In small bowl, stir Bisquick mix, milk, cheese and garlic powder to make a soft dough. Drop dough by 5 spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet.
3 Bake about 8 minutes or until golden brown. Spray warm biscuits with cooking spray before removing from cookie sheet. Serve warm.
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JOKES:
QUOTES:
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Goethe
George Carlin "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
Henny Youngman "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
Vince Lombardi "Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."
==================
JOKES:
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something?" "No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do I know anything really exists?
Kick it *really* hard.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and fool around with my wife. Bob: Whadaya mean? Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around with my wife. Bob: What about me? Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all. Bob: Well... if you think it's okay... Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go! at Bill's house Bill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year- old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."
"How marvelous," the old man said.
"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to work three times before you die."
On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied, he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep."
Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to "speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said, "beep," and he was UP.
He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,, "What's all this "beep beep" shit?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the differenc between a blond and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Justice Is Coming
"Be sure your sins will find you out."1
Joy and I saw the movie, "Conviction." It was based on a true story about a man who was convicted of a murder he never committed, and consequently, spent sixteen years in jail. His sister was so convinced of his innocence that she studied to become a lawyer so she could defend him and plead his case—which she did. After years of struggle, the DNA of the murdered victim was brought to light and, comparing it to the DNA of her brother, proved his innocence beyond any doubt. He had been set up by a police officer who didn't like him, and who threatened witnesses that if they didn't testify against the accused, they could end up the same as the murdered victim whose graphic photos were showed to them. Being terrified, they falsely testified against the accused man.
Because of the statute of limitations the police officer who masterminded the false evidence was not brought to justice. Furthermore, because she set up the accused as the murderer, the real murderer was never looked for nor found.
We left the movie theatre feeling sick in the stomach as this was a terrible travesty of justice. I couldn't help but wonder how many other people are sent to jail and their life ruined because of the miscarriage of justice, and how many people avoided justice because somebody else was blamed for their crime.
However, while many who are guilty may escape justice in this life, they never will in the life to come, when they stand before God to give an account of their life because, as the Bible says, "It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment."2
Unless a person admits and confesses his/her sinfulness to God—regardless of the severity of the sins committed—and receives Jesus as his or her Savior and God's forgiveness, the truth will be evident when standing before the Judge of the Universe where true justice will be served. Their sins will find them out.1
The good news is, and of this we can be assured, God's offer of forgiveness is available right now to all who confess their sins and sinfulness to God, believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and that he died on the cross to pay the penalty for all their sins. If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and received God's forgiveness, I urge you to do that today. For help see: "How to Be Sure You're a Real Christian" at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.
Realize too, that it is not God's will that anyone perishes,3 so over and over God's Word reminds us that if we have never accepted God's forgiveness, we will stand before the Judge of the Universe, and justice will be served.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please give me the wisdom and courage to always confess my sins, and ask for your forgiveness on the basis that Jesus Christ, your Son, died on the cross to pay the just penalty for all my sins. For this I will be eternally grateful. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name amen."
1. Numbers 32:23 (KJV). 2. Hebrews 9:27 (KJV). 3. 2 Peter 3:9 (NKJV).
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
neoterism nee-OT-uh-riz-uhm , noun: 1. An innovation in language, as a new word, term, or expression. 2. The use of new words, terms, or expressions.
These impressions were not merely of things physical—the contrast, for instance, between the overwhelming antiquity of the western deserts and the neoterism of humanity; or the fabulous nature of the Grand Canyon. -- Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier
In his gesture of breaking with the canon of great national literature, Catullus had opened the way to the ambition of future poets to provide Rome with a new canon of works, which would combine the new requirements of neoterism on the levels of research into subjectivity, and stylistic elegance, with the breadth and the depth of a literature intended to represent the cultural patrimony of a nation. -- Peter E. Knox, A Companion to Ovid
Though it did not come into English usage until the late 1800s, neoterism originally comes from the Greek word neoterismós which meant "an attempt to change."
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Grater Cleanup Tip
Spray your grater with nonstick cooking spray before you use it. It will take the yuck out of cleanup.
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RECIPES:
Caesar Snack Mix Caesar dressing adds the flavor wow to a cranberry, cashew crunchy Chex cereal mix.
PREP TIME 10 min TOTAL TIME 55 min SERVINGS 24
5 cups Corn Chex, Rice Chex or Wheat Chex cereal 2 cups oyster crackers 2 cups pretzel sticks or holiday-shaped pretzels 1 cup dried cranberries 1 can (9.5 oz) salted cashew halves (2 cups) 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted 1 package (1.2 oz) Caesar dressing mix
1 Heat oven to 300°F. In ungreased large roasting pan, mix cereal, crackers, pretzels, cranberries and cashews. 2 In small bowl, mix melted butter and dressing mix until well blended. Pour over cereal mixture, stirring until evenly coated. 3 Bake 20 to 30 minutes, stirring twice, until lightly browned. Spread on waxed paper or paper towels; cool about 15 minutes. Store in airtight container.
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Four Seasons Pizza
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 3 Hours 50 Minutes Yield: Serves 4
Arguably the most popular pizza in Italy, the quattro stagioni pie represents the four seasons in its use of toppings: artichokes for spring, olives for summer, mushrooms for autumn and prosciutto for winter.
INGREDIENTS
For the Dough: 2 teaspoons active dry yeast 2/3 cup warm water, 105-115 degrees F. 1/4 teaspoon sugar 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus flour for dusting Salt and ground white pepper 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
For the Sauce: 1 cup quick tomato sauce or purchased tomato sauce 2 teaspoons minced garlic 2 teaspoons fresh oregano leaves 1 tablespoon fresh basil leaves Cornmeal or semolina
For the Topping: 2 tablespoons freshly grated good-quality Italian Parmesan cheese 3 oz mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced 3 oz smoked mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced 4 thin slices prosciutto or baked ham, halved lengthwise 4-8 fresh shiitake, cremini or white mushrooms, stems removed and brushed clean 6 oil-cured black olives, pitted and cut in halves 4 artichoke hearts, quartered lengthwise (drained, canned or thawed, frozen)
DIRECTIONS
FOR THE DOUGH: In a small bowl, stir together the yeast, warm water and sugar and let stand until foamy, about 5 minutes.
Place the 2 cups flour and salt and white pepper to taste in a mixing bowl or in a food processor fitted with the metal blade. Add the oil, then the yeast mixture while stirring or processing continuously until the mixture begins to gather into a ball.
Transfer the dough to a lightly floured work surface and knead a few times until the dough feels smooth. Form into a ball and place in a bowl. Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and let the dough rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 1/2 hours.
FOR THE SAUCE: Make 1/2 recipe (1 cup) quick tomato sauce, if using, adding the garlic, oregano and basil as directed. Set aside to cool. If using purchased tomato sauce, pour the sauce into a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Add the garlic, oregano and basil, reduce the heat to low and simmer for 2 minutes. Set aside to cool.
Sprinkle some cornmeal or semolina on a rimless baking sheet. Place the dough on the sheet and, using your fingertips, press and stretch the dough into a round 12 inches in diameter, forming a slight rim at the dough edge. Cover with a kitchen towel and let rise again in a warm place until tripled in height, about 1 1/2 hours.
Place a pizza stone, if you have one, on the middle rack of an oven and preheat to 475 degrees F.
Using a fork, pierce the dough in even intervals to allow steam to escape during cooking. Spread the tomato sauce over the dough round. Then, for the topping, scatter the Parmesan evenly over the sauce. Place the mozzarella cheeses in an even layer over the Parmesan cheese. Arrange the prosciutto, mushrooms, olives and artichokes on top, overlapping them with the cheeses.
Place the pizza in the center of the oven or, if you are using a pizza stone, slide the pizza from the sheet onto the stone. Immediately reduce the oven temperature to 425 degrees F and bake until the dough is cooked and the cheese is light golden brown, 25-30 minutes. Remove the pizza from the oven and let stand for a few minutes before serving.
TO SERVE: Slice into wedges and transfer to individual plates.
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Chili Chocolate Cookies "These dense, dark, and dangerously addictive cookies feature a dose of black pepper and cayenne, which to some may seem like an odd addition. But one taste and you'll understand the method to this madness."
Prep Time:15 Min Cook Time:15 Min Ready In:50 Min Servings Yield 24 cookies
Ingredients
1/2 cup dried currants 2 tablespoons coffee-flavored liqueur (such as Kahlua®) 2 ounces bittersweet chocolate 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate 3 tablespoons unsalted butter 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper 2 eggs at room temperature 3/4 cup sugar 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1 cup chocolate chips
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. Combine the currants and coffee liqueur in a small saucepan; bring to a simmer over medium heat and remove from heat immediately. Pour water into a saucepan until about 1 inch deep and place over low heat. Place a stainless steel bowl over the saucepan to form a double boiler. Combine the bittersweet chocolate, unsweetened chocolate, and butter in the bowl heat and stir just until the chocolate melts; set aside. Stir together the flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, black pepper, and cayenne pepper in a bowl; set aside. Whisk the eggs and sugar together in a separate large mixing bowl until light and fluffy and pale yellow in color, about 5 minutes. Add the vanilla extract; stir. Beat the melted chocolate into the egg mixture until well combined. Pour the currants and chocolate chips into the mixture; then fold in the flour mixture and stir until evenly combined. Scoop 2-tablespoon portions onto the prepared baking sheets with enough space between so they do not run together. Bake in the preheated oven until barely set, about 12 minutes. Allow to cool on the sheets until they set slightly, about 5 minutes, before transferring to a rack to cool completely. Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 136 | Total Fat: 7.2g | Cholesterol: 22mg
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Warm and Creamy Bacon Dip
1-16 oz.container of Sour Cream 1-3 oz.container of Hormel Bacon Bits 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese 1-8 oz.package of cream cheese, softened 1 cup chopped green onions
Heat oven to 400 degrees In bowl,combine all ingredients. Place in 1-quart baking dish. Cover. Heat 25-30 minutes or until hot. Serve with assorted fresh vegetables, crackers or chips. Dip may also be placed in hollowed round sourdough loaf, wrapped in foil and heated in 400 degree F oven for 30 minutes.
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Classic Peanut Butter Cookies
Original Recipe Yield 4 dozen
Ingredients
1 cup unsalted butter 1 cup crunchy peanut butter 1 cup white sugar 1 cup packed brown sugar 2 eggs 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
Directions
Cream together butter, peanut butter and sugars. Beat in eggs. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir into batter. Put batter in refrigerator for 1 hour. Roll into 1 inch balls and put on baking sheets. Flatten each ball with a fork, making a criss-cross pattern. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for about 10 minutes or until cookies begin to brown. Do not over-bake.
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Hawaiian Meatballs and Rice
1 can (8 oz each) crushed pineapple in juice,divided 1 cup Hunt's Original Barbecue Sauce,divided 1 pound ground round beef (85% lean) 2-1/4 cups instant brown rice,uncooked,divided 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper PAM Original No-Stick Cooking Spray 3/4 cup frozen chopped green bell pepper
1.Stir together half the pineapple and 3/4 cup barbecue sauce in small bowl;set aside. 2.Mix remaining pineapple,remaining 1/4 cup barbecue sauce,beef,1/4 cup rice, salt and pepper in large bowl until well blended. Shape mixture into 24 meatballs,about 1-1/4 inches each. Place in large skillet sprayed with cooking spray; spoon sauce mixture over meatballs. 3.Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Stir gently and cover.Reduce heat to medium-low; simmer 16 to 18 minutes or until meatballs are cooked through (160F). 4.Meanwhile,prepare remaining 2 cups rice according to package directions,omitting salt and butter and adding bell pepper. Serve meatballs and sauce over rice.
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With all the food and pet products now coming from China , it is best to make sure you read label at the grocery store and especially Walmart when buying food products. Many products no longer show where they were made, only give where the distributor is located. It is important to read the bar code to track it's origin. How to read Bar Codes .... interesting! This may be useful to know when grocery shopping, if it's a concern to you. GREAT WAY TO "BUY USA & CANADA " AND NOT FROM CHINA!!
The whole world is afraid of China-made "black hearted goods". Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China ?
If the first 3 digits of the barcode are 690, 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA. 471 is Made in Taiwan . This is our right to know, but the government and related departments never educate the public, therefore we have to RESCUE ourselves.
Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA ", so they don't show from which country it is made.
However, you may now refer to the barcode - remember if the first 3 digits are:
690-692 ... then it is MADE IN CHINA 00 - 09 ... USA & CANADA 30 - 37 ... FRANCE 40 - 44 ... GERMANY 471 ... Taiwan 49 ... JAPAN 50 ... UK
BUY USA & CANADIAN MADE by watching for "0" at the beginning of the number. We need every boost we can get!
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STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters..... S. T. R.
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
It only takes a minute to read this.
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and
Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A
SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(I.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is
'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
************************************************* JOKES:
Tablets
My wife told me to go to the doctor and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
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Bass Boat Winner
A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here." He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it." His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house. The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand. He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?" His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?" His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid................................. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!" *****************************
A Heart-Warming Lawyer Story One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you. The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it, you'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high." Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story...did you????
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Laws of Probability . Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with ...Or you are wearing something you don't want to be seen in! 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in an entire locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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Jack Daniels Fishing Story I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDER FROM GOD:
Authentic Spirituality
"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God."1
A Daily Encounter reader writes, "We are doing a Bible study on spiritual gifts. Do you have any ideas on how Christians can become more spiritual in their everyday living, and what constitutes a spiritual person?
First, to be genuinely spiritual we need to have a strong desire for this and be fully committed to it, because authentic spirituality doesn't come naturally to most of us. The half-hearted never make it.
Second, ask God to give you the desire to be all that he has planned for you to be and the desire to do what he wants you to do.
Third, it is very helpful to pray every day, committing our life and way to God, including a prayer such as that of Jabez:
"Oh that you would bless me wonderfully, Please be with me in everything I do Greatly expand my borders, and Keep me from all evil, harm and disaster."2
Fourth, also pray every day telling God that you are available and ask him to use you to be "as Jesus" in some way to every life you touch.
Fifth, know what God's Word, the Bible, teaches so you know what to believe and how to live. Strive with God's help to always live in harmony with God's will as taught in his Word. To do this you need to read and study God's word regularly, if not daily.
Sixth, maintain strong connections with fellow Christians to help support and encourage each other in your Christian walk.
Seventh, be faithful in worship in your church and in service to others, using the spiritual gift/s that God has given to you. Remember, too, that while using spiritual gifts is very important, having these gifts is not the measure of spirituality. The real test is the test of love. As the Apostle Paul wrote: "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be an authentic Christian and be genuinely spiritual in a quiet, down to earth, and humble way. Help me to know what my spiritual gifts are, and find a way to use them where you can best use me—and always serve and act in a genuine spirit of love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Colossians 3:1-3 (NLT). 2. See 1 Chronicles 4:10. 3. Corinthians 13:1, 13 (NIV)
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WORD FOR THE DAY
loath • LOHTH • adjective : unwilling to do something contrary to one's way of thinking : reluctant
Examples: She was loath to admit her mistakes.
"Doctors are loath to testify against colleagues guilty of malpractice." -- From an article by Tammerlin Drummond in the Contra Costa Times (California), December 21, 2011
Did you know? Many usage commentators point out that the spelling of "loath" the adjective is distinct from "loathe," the verb that means "to dislike greatly." Merriam-Webster dictionaries record "loathe" (along with "loth") as a variant spelling for the adjective, at the same time indicating that the spelling with an "e" is not as common as the form without it. Both words hark back to Old English, and the "e" ending in each has come and gone over the centuries -- but if you want to avoid the ire of those who like to keep the language tidy, stick with "loath" for the adjective and "loathe" for the verb.
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Tip of the Day
Take some shower curtain hooks, slip them on the closet rod and use them to hang purses, belts or ties or tote bags filled with stuff that would other wise be floating around loose in the closet.
******************************************* Gun Wisdom Some words to the wise. Shooting Advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it: A; Guns have only two enemies rust and politicians. B; Its always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. C; Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you. D; Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arms length. E; Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off. F; The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second. G; The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win - cheat if necessary. H; Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets . . . You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it'll be empty. I; If you're in a gun fight: 1/ If you're not shooting, you should be loading. 2/ If you're not loading, you should be moving, 3/ If you're not moving', you're dead. J; In a life and death situation, do something . . . It may be wrong, but do something! K; If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about? L; You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language. M; You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.
IF YOU AGREE, PLEASE SHARE *******************************************
JOKES:
Tools Explained....
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Hope you found this informative
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RECIPES:
Slow-Cooked Pulled Pork Sandwiches
These fabulous sandwiches feature pork shoulder that is slow cooked in a scrumptious, sweet and tangy sauce to be served on sandwich buns.
Serves: 12 Prep. time: 15 minutes Cooking time: About 9 hours 1 tbsp. vegetable oil 1 boneless pork shoulder roast (3 1/2 to 4 lbs.), netted or tied 1 can (10 1/2 oz.) Condensed French Onion Soup 1 cup ketchup 1/4 cup cider vinegar 3 tbsp. packed brown sugar 12 sandwich or hamburger rolls Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add the pork and cook until well browned on all sides. Stir the soup, ketchup, vinegar and brown sugar in a 5-quart slow cooker. Add the pork and turn to coat. Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 9 hours or until the pork is fork-tender. Remove the pork from the cooker to a cutting board and let stand for 10 minutes. Using 2 forks, shred the pork. Return the pork to the cooker. Divide the pork mixture among the rolls.
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My Mother's Peanut Butter Fudge
3 C. Sugar 3 Tbs. Smooth Peanut Butter (we use Jif) 1 C. Milk 1/4 C. Butter 1 teas. Vanilla
Butter a 8" Square Glass Baking Dish In a large, heavy saucepan, combine sugar, peanut butter & milk. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat to a medium boil. Stir often. It takes 18-25 min. of boiling to cook candy to a soft ball stage. (See Note Below) Remove from heat. Add Butter & Vanilla Beat by hand until it hardens. For a faster set, place the pan of candy in shallow, cold water in your sink while you beat the mixture. You can even add ice to the water to make it colder. Just don't allow water to spill over into your pan of candy. Pour into prepared buttered glass dish. Let it set for about an hour at room temperature (or refrigerate) and then enjoy!
************************************* Salisbury Steak with Mushroom Gravy Beef steak with gravy! What could be more satisfying and delicious? This version's on the table in about 30 minutes.
PREP TIME 35 min TOTAL TIME 35 min SERVINGS 6
1 lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef 1 egg 1/2 cup Original Bisquick® mix 1/8 teaspoon pepper 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 medium onion, cut in half, then sliced 1 jar (4.5 oz) Green Giant® sliced mushrooms, drained 1 jar (12 oz) beef gravy
1 In large bowl, mix beef, egg, 1/4 cup of the Bisquick mix and the pepper. With wet hands, shape beef mixture into 6 oval patties, about 1/2 inch thick. Lightly coat patties with remaining 1/4 cup Bisquick mix. 2 In 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Arrange patties in single layer in skillet. Add onion slices around and on top of patties. Cook 12 to 16 minutes, turning patties once and stirring onions occasionally, until meat thermometer inserted in center of patties reads 160°F. 3 If necessary, spoon fat from skillet and discard. Add mushrooms and gravy to skillet. Turn patties to coat with gravy. Heat to boiling.
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Kentucky Bourbon Bacon Chex Mix The flavors of the Bluegrass State - bourbon, bacon and pecans - combine in this delicious snack mix that starts with a bag of Chex Mix.
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 45 min SERVINGS 20
1 bag (15 oz) Chex Mix traditional snack mix 1 cup pecan halves 1/2 lb bacon (6 to 8 slices), crisply cooked and crumbled 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/2 cup butter 1/4 cup light corn syrup 2 tablespoons bourbon 3/4 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
1 Heat oven to 300°F. Line two 15x10x1-inch pans with foil. Spray foil with cooking spray. In large bowl, mix snack mix, pecans and bacon. Set aside. 2 In 2-quart saucepan, heat brown sugar, butter and corn syrup over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until bubbly around edges. Cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally; remove from heat. Cool 2 minutes. Carefully stir in bourbon and chipotle chili powder. Pour over snack mixture; toss until evenly coated. 3 Spread snack mixture on pans. Bake 15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes, to caramelize mixture. Cool completely, about 1 hour. Break into pieces. Store covered in refrigerator.
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
A MESSAGE FROM GOD:
Stress Management
"Then Jesus said [to his disciples], 'Let's get away from the crowds for a while and rest.' There were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat."1
I read about a lecturer who, when teaching on stress management, raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Numerous guesses were suggested.
"What it weighs doesn't matter," the lecturer replied. "What matters is how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's no problem. If I hold it for an hour, my arm will ache terribly. And if I hold it for a day, I'll be in real trouble. The longer I hold it the 'heavier' it becomes."
That's true in life. If we keep working without a break, eventually we will break. And if we keep carrying a burden that is too heavy to bear without doing something about it, sooner or later the burden will break us. Stress needs to be managed—without which it can become a killer.
Like Jesus and his disciples, there are times when we need to come apart and rest a while before we come apart.
Learn to take breaks. Rest a while. Then you will be able to renew your strength and carry on.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the example set by Jesus in that we, too, need to take breaks to be refreshed. Help me to not only hear your advice but accept and put it into practice. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
sybarite
PRONUNCIATION: (SIB-uh-ryt)
MEANING: noun: A person devoted to luxury and pleasure.
ETYMOLOGY: After Sybaris, an ancient Greek city in southern Italy noted for its wealth, and whose residents were notorious for their love of luxury. Earliest documented use: 1598.
USAGE: "Tom Naylor sounds like a bit of a sybarite himself, who'd enjoy a good wine, cigar, or work of art." Rick Salutin; Mr. 1 Per Cent Meets His Match; The Toronto Star (Canada); Dec 1, 2011.
Explore "sybarite" in the Visual Thesaurus.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Prayers are to men as dolls are to children. They are not without use and comfort, but it is not easy to take them very seriously. -Samuel Butler, novelist (1835-1902)
************************************** RECIPE:
Easy Pasta Dish
8 oz. angel hair pasta 1 large tomato, chopped 1 pkg.sliced pepperoni 1 can sliced ripe black olives 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 3 T. olive oil 1/2 t salt 1/4 t.garlic powder
Cook pasta according to directions. Meanwhile,in a serving bowl,combine the tomato, pepperoni,olives,parmesan cheese,oil,salt and garlic powder.Drain pasta and add to the tomato mixture and toss to coat.4 servings.
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Surprise Cupcakes
8 ounces cream cheese,softened 1/3 cup granulated sugar 1 egg 1 (16 ounce) package semi-sweet chocolate chips 1 (18 1/4 ounce) box chocolate cake mix
Cream sugar and cream cheese together. Beat in egg.Stir in chocolate chips;set aside. Prepare cake mix according to directions on box. Place paper baking cups into a muffin tin. Fill paper bake cups 2/3 full. Drop one rounded teaspoon of cheese mixture into each cup.Bake according to directions on cake mix box.
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Creamy Dark Chocolate Pie
Two kinds of chocolate and a crust made with high-fiber cereal make a delicious dessert, perfect for special times.
Prep Time: 30 mins Total Time: 5 hrs 30 mins Servings: 8 servings
Ingredients
Crust 2 cups Fiber One original bran cereal 1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted 1 tablespoon corn syrup 1 teaspoon vanilla
Filling 2 1/4 cups fat-free (skim) milk 1 box chocolate pudding and pie filling mix (not instant; 6-serving size) 1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips
Topping 1/2 cup fat-free frozen whipped topping, thawed Chocolate curls, if desired
Directions 1 Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Place cereal in resealable food-storage plastic bag; seal bag and finely crush with rolling pin or meat mallet until it resembles graham cracker crumbs (or finely crush in food processor).
2 In medium bowl, mix crust ingredients until blended. Press crust mixture evenly and firmly in bottom and up sides of 9-inch glass pie plate.
3 Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until firm. Cool completely, about 1 hour.
4 Meanwhile, in 2-quart saucepan, cook milk and pudding mix over medium heat 5 to 8 minutes or until mixture comes to a full boil, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Add chips; stir until chips are melted and smooth. Pour into medium bowl; cover surface of pudding with plastic wrap. Refrigerate about 2 hours or until cold.
5 Spoon and spread pudding evenly into crust. Refrigerate at least 4 hours until set. Top each serving with whipped topping and chocolate curl.
TIP: High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): No change.
Nutrition Facts Calories 390 (Calories from Fat 150); Total Fat 16g (Saturated Fat 10g, Trans Fat 0g); Cholesterol 15mg; Sodium 210mg; Total Carbohydrate 56g (Dietary Fiber 9g, Sugars 34g); Protein 5g. Daily Values: Vitamin A 10%; Vitamin C 2%; Calcium 15%; Iron 20%. Exchanges: 1/2 Starch; 3 Other Carbohydrate; 1/2 Skim Milk; 0 Vegetable; 2 1/2 Fat. Carbohydrate Choices: 4. Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet
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Creamy Chicken Potpie
An irresistible crisp (but easy) phyllo crust tops these homey individual chicken potpies. Make a double batch and freeze extras to have on hand anytime. Serve with a butterhead lettuce salad with red onion and white-wine vinaigrette.
4 servings Active Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed, cut into 1/2-inch cubes 1 cup sliced shallots 1 10- or 12-ounce bag frozen mixed vegetables (2-2 1/2 cups), thawed 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme 2 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth, divided 1/4 cup cornstarch 1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 6 sheets 9-by-14-inch phyllo dough, defrosted (follow package directions) Cooking spray (olive oil or canola oil)
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 425°F. Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook, stirring often, until it turns white, 2 to 3 minutes. Remove to a plate. Add the remaining 2 teaspoons oil and shallots, reduce heat to medium and cook, stirring, until slightly softened, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in vegetables and thyme; cook, stirring occasionally, until hot, 2 to 4 minutes. Pour in 1 3/4 cups broth and bring to a boil. Whisk the remaining 1/4 cup broth and cornstarch in a small bowl and add to the pan. Return to a boil and cook until thickened, about 1 minute. Off the heat, stir in the chicken, sour cream, salt and pepper. Divide the mixture among four 12-ounce ovenproof baking dishes. Make 2 stacks of 3 sheets of phyllo each, coating each sheet lightly with cooking spray before stacking. Cut the stacks in half crosswise. Drape one half over each baking dish. Tuck in any overhanging edges. Set the potpies on a baking sheet. Bake until the tops are golden and the filling bubbly, 18 to 20 minutes.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 3, wrap airtight and freeze for up to 3 months. Do not thaw before baking; bake at 400°F for 50 minutes to 1 hour. Equipment: four 12-ounce ovenproof baking dishes
NUTRITION Per serving: 382 calories; 11 g fat ( 3 g sat , 6 g mono ); 69 mg cholesterol; 40 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 30 g protein; 4 g fiber; 660 mg sodium; 618 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin A (83% daily value), Folate (21% dv), Vita min C (19% dv), Iron & Potassium (18% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 3
Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 1/2 vegetables, 3 lean meat, 1 fat
******************************************** JOKES:
DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?
A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."
THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.
"THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET."
THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!!
ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"
BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST."
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, ANOTHER FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.
HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!"
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"
WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.
HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.
THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"
THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT BEHIND IT!"
HE GOT THE JOB.
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Senior moment:
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,†I stammered. I always call her “honey†in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken†she barked, “I dropped you off!â€
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.â€
Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman that I did not steal your car!!!†Don’t know why she was bothering with that….theft has a lot less jail time than murder!
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Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? ......................................................................................... THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN... ........................................................................................... The Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Gun have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus. .......................................................................... The Republican's Answer:
BANG! ...........................................................
The Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips or Remington Golden Sabers? " Son: "Can I shoot the next one!" Wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
HOW I LOVE YOUR LAW! Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts. I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts, therefore I hate every wrong path. Psalm 119:97-104, NIV
Tell those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone. But their trust should be in the living God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. 18Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them. 19By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may take hold of real life. I Timothy 6:17-19/
VERSES FROM EZEKIEL:
21 Again a message came to me from the Lord: 22 “Son of man, you’ve heard that proverb they quote in Israel: ‘Time passes, and prophecies come to nothing.’ 23 Tell the people, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will put an end to this proverb, and you will soon stop quoting it.’ Now give them this new proverb to replace the old one: ‘The time has come for every prophecy to be fulfilled!’ 24 “There will be no more false visions and flattering predictions in Israel. 25 For I am the Lord! If I say it, it will happen. There will be no more delays, you rebels of Israel. I will fulfill my threat of destruction in your own lifetime. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!†26 Then this message came to me from the Lord: 27 “Son of man, the people of Israel are saying, ‘He’s talking about the distant future. His visions won’t come true for a long, long time.’ 28 Therefore, tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: No more delay! I will now do everything I have threatened. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!’â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
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I’VE LEARNED...... A sharp tongue can cut your own throat. ***************************** “WE CAN TYPE!â€
Pastor Cecil A. Thompson, October 21, 2010
Psalm 15:1-3, “Lord, who shall abide in Thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in Thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor.†Years ago I happened upon a book that had an impact on my life — “Miracle In Moscow†by David Benson. David was a businessman who made many trips to Russia during the days when the Soviet government fought against true believers of Jesus Christ. They made it a criminal offense to possess a copy of the Bible. In this godless atmosphere, neighbors reported any sort of activity that the police could investigate for violations. Many home church groups owned only a few copies of the Word and cherished it beyond measure. In one small group there was a precious old couple. Both were terribly crippled with arthritis and felt they had nothing they could do for the Lord. They owned an old manual typewriter on which they typed pages of Scripture to be passed along to believers. They knew if it was used in a normal fashion, the neighbors in the apartment next to them would report the suspicious activity to the police. Because of their handicapped condition, the wife could strike one letter at a time so slowly that it did not sound like typing to prying ears next door. The husband assisted by inserting blank paper into the roller and removing the typed pages. Many portions of Scripture were created in this manner. God’s Word reached hearts that were eager to hear. As I read the words that David wrote, I wondered if I had as much love for the Word. I had to confess that I did not and could only pray that God would forgive my indifference and give me a love like I had never had before. How eager are you to search out and discover God’s Word?
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Easy Caramel Apple Bars
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 2 hr 55 min SERVINGS 36 1/2 cup cold butter 1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker oatmeal cookie mix 1 egg 1 cup finely chopped peeled apple 3/4 cup caramel topping 1/4 cup Gold Medal all-purpose flour
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. 2 In large bowl, cut butter into cookie mix using fork or pastry blender. Stir in egg until mixture is crumbly. 3 Reserve 1 1/2 cups cookie mixture. Press remaining cookie mixture into bottom of pan. Bake 15 minutes. Sprinkle apple evenly over crust. In small bowl, mix caramel topping and flour; drizzle over apples. Sprinkle reserved cookie mixture over apples. 4 Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool completely, about 2 hours. For bars, cut into 9 rows by 4 rows.
Expert Tips Empire, Regent and Spartan apples are good choices for baked apple desserts. Skip the cooking spray and line pan with foil for quick cleanup and easy bar removal.
*************************************** Cheesy Scalloped Potatoes with Ham
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr SERVINGS 6
Ingredients
5 Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced 1 small onion, chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese 1 1/2 cups cubed fully cooked ham 1 quart heavy cream
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Place the potatoes, onion, garlic, Cheddar cheese, and ham in a 9x13 inch baking dish. Gently stir until well combined. Pour the cream over the potato mixture. Bake in the preheated oven until the potatoes are tender, about 1 hour. Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 607 | Total Fat: 54.5g | Cholesterol: 195mg
*************************** Spinach and Beef Enchiladas
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 10 min SERVINGS 8 1 lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef 1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup) 1 box (9 oz) Green Giant frozen spinach 1 can (4.5 oz) Old El Paso chopped green chiles, undrained 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon garlic-pepper blend 1/2 cup sour cream 2 cups shredded Colby-Monterey Jack cheese blend (8 oz) 1 can (10 oz) Old El Paso enchilada sauce 1 package (11.5 oz) Old El Paso flour tortillas (8 tortillas) 1/2 cup Old El Paso Thick 'n Chunky salsa
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. In 12-inch nonstick skillet, cook beef and onion over medium-high heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until beef is brown. 2 Stir in spinach; cook, stirring frequently, until thawed. Stir in green chiles, cumin, garlic-pepper blend, sour cream and 1 cup of the cheese. 3 Spread about 1 teaspoon enchilada sauce on each tortilla. Top each with about 1/2 cup beef mixture. Roll up tortillas; place seam sides down in baking dish. In small bowl, mix remaining enchilada sauce and the salsa; spoon over enchiladas. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheese. 4 Spray sheet of foil with cooking spray; cover baking dish with foil. Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until thoroughly heated.
Expert Tips Serve these easy enchiladas with colorful toppings, such as chopped tomato, shredded lettuce, chopped green onions and sliced ripe olives. Don’t care for spinach? Go ahead and use 1 cup of frozen corn or drained and rinsed canned pinto beans instead.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Enchilada)Calories 400(Calories from Fat 200),Total Fat 23g(Saturated Fat 11g,Trans Fat 1/2g),Cholesterol 70mg;Sodium 860mg;Total Carbohydrate 28g(Dietary Fiber 0g,Sugars 3g),Protein 21g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 45.00%;Vitamin C 6.00%;Calcium 35.00%;Iron 15.00%;Exchanges:2 Starch;0 Fruit;0 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;2 High-Fat Meat;1 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
*************************** Apple-Pecan Crisp
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 20 min SERVINGS 12
2/3 cup maple-flavored syrup 1/4 cup Gold Medal all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 8 large baking apples (about 5 1/2 lb), peeled, cut into 1/2-inch slices (about 12 cups) 1/2 cup cold butter or margarine, cut into pieces 1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker oatmeal cookie mix 3/4 cup chopped pecans
1 Heat oven to 375°F. 2 In large bowl, stir together syrup, flour and cinnamon until blended. Add apples; toss until evenly coated. Spread in ungreased 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish. 3 In same bowl, with pastry blender (or pulling 2 table knives in opposite directions), cut butter into cookie mix until mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Stir in pecans. Crumble mixture over apples in baking dish. 4 Bake 30 minutes. Very loosely cover with foil; bake 10 to 15 minutes longer or until apples are tender.
Expert Tips While entertaining your guests, assemble this crisp, and then pop it into the oven as you start dinner. It’ll be ready to serve warm from the oven for dessert! The oatmeal cookie mix is the secret ingredient that makes this topping super easy to throw together. Delicious served with ice cream or whipped cream.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 380(Calories from Fat 130),Total Fat 14g(Saturated Fat 5g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 20mg;Sodium 220mg;Total Carbohydrate 59g(Dietary Fiber 2g,Sugars 31g),Protein 4g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 6.00%;Vitamin C 2.00%;Calcium 0.00%;Iron 6.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;1/2 Fruit;2 1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:4;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Apple Cheddar-n-Spice Cookie Tart
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 2 hr SERVINGS 16 1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix 1 teaspoon apple pie spice 1/2 cup cold butter or margarine, cut into pieces 3/4 cup chopped pecans 1/2 cup finely shredded Cheddar cheese 1 egg white 1 can (21 oz) apple pie filling with more fruit
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Place cookie sheet in oven. Spray 10-inch tart pan with removable bottom with cooking spray. In large bowl, stir cookie mix and apple pie spice until blended. Cut in butter using pastry blender or fork until mixture is crumbly. Reserve 1 cup of the crumb mixture in a small bowl; stir in pecans and cheese. 2 To remaining crumb mixture in large bowl, stir in egg white until soft dough forms. Press dough in bottom and up sides of tart pan. 3 Place apple pie filling in medium bowl. Using knife, cut apples into small pieces. Spoon apple mixture evenly over cookie dough crust. Sprinkle reserved crumb mixture over apples. 4 Place tart pan on cookie sheet in oven. Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until edges are golden brown and topping is set. Cool completely, about 1 hour. To serve, remove sides of pan; cut into wedges. Store covered at room temperature.
Expert Tips If you don't have apple pie spice, use 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg, 1/8 teaspoon ground allspice and 1/8 teaspoon ground cardamom. Serve with a scoop of ice cream or a dollop of whipped cream.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 270(Calories from Fat 120),Total Fat 13g(Saturated Fat 5g,Trans Fat 1 1/2g),Cholesterol 20mg;Sodium 160mg;Total Carbohydrate 35g(Dietary Fiber 1g,Sugars 23g),Protein 3g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 4.00%;Vitamin C 0.00%;Calcium 2.00%;Iron 4.00%;Exchanges:1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate
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Spiked Apple Crisp Shooters
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr SERVINGS 10
Apple Crisp 4 medium tart apples, chopped (about 4 cups) 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 cup butterscotch schnapps 1/2 cup butter, melted 1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® oatmeal cookie mix Cream Layer and Topping 1 cup whipping cream 1 tablespoon butterscotch schnapps 1 tablespoon powdered sugar Caramel topping, if desired
1 Heat oven to 375ºF. Spray bottom only of 8-inch square pan with cooking spray. In large bowl, toss apples, granulated sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon and 1/2 cup schnapps. Spread in pan. 2 In medium bowl, mix melted butter and cookie mix. Spread on top of apples. 3 Bake 40 minutes. 4 Meanwhile, in chilled medium bowl, beat whipping cream, 1 tablespoon schnapps and the powdered sugar with electric mixer on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form. 5 To serve, alternately spoon warm apple crisp and cream mixture into small glasses. Top each with caramel topping. Serve immediately.
Expert Tips If you do not like whipped cream, you can always serve with vanilla ice cream.
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Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins."
"That's funny", the second man remarked, "My wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets."
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves!!!"
*************************** A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection" said the man.
"No, but I have" replied the nurse.
*************************** One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.
The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.
Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."
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A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border.
To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive.
They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth.
I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard.
I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of sh*t!'
He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Obama is an unprincipled, lying piece of sh*t too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands in the middle of the road when the truck hit us."
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An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."
Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.
One guy even leaves the bar.
A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"
"Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.
As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"
The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."
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This bloke was pissed as a tick, lying in the gutter outside the local, when this frog hops past.
The bloke grabs the frog, looks it straight in the eye. and says: "You turd of a frog - I'm gonna stick my finger up you arse till it comes outta your mouth, then I'm gonna tear your legs off, then piss down your throat."
Now the bloke didn't' know it, but the local cop was standing right behind him, listening to every word he was saying.
"Listen, mate," says the cop. "Anything you do to that frog, I'm going to do to you."
The bloke just smiled at the cop, looked at the frog and said, "Well, I guess this is your lucky day, froggy - 'cause I'm gonna lick your arse!"
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A man walked into the local tavern where he frequented, and when the bartender came over, he said, "I'd like to have three shots of Jack Daniels."
The bartender didn't question him, and brought him his 3 shots. One, two, three -- they disappeared! "Fill 'er up again," asked the man.
The bartender repeated the process, and so did the patron -- one, two, three -- they were gone! Well, Joe the Bartender didn't know WHAT to make of this. When the man asked for a third fill up, he said, "Buddy, seems like you got problems! Do you want to talk about 'em?"
The customer said, "Joe, I have a computer at home, and once a month -- maybe more -- I go to a porno website."
Joe, the bartender, said, "A lot of men do that -- but it doesn't make them drink like fish!"
"You don't understand," said the customer, "the one I went to today, I saw 3 gorgeous women!"
Joe said, "That's not unusual. A LOTTA lovely women on the Internet!"
The customer turned to Joe, with tears in his eyes. He said, "Have you ever been to a website, and the first three women you see are your daughter, your wife, and your MOTHER?"
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Being Nice or Being Christian?
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."1
In training for Christian ministry I recall one of my professors stating that every church had a church boss; that is, someone or a small group who, often behind the scenes, control the happenings of the church. This isn't usually the pastor or priest. Today we call these people control freaks. They have a neurotic need to control others in order to feel okay about themselves, when in reality they do this because deep down they don't feel okay about themselves.
William Easum calls them bullies. After years of consulting with churches he said, "I have seen a disturbing pattern: Most established churches are held hostage by bullies. Some individual or small group of individuals usually opposes the church's making any radical change, even if it means the change would give the church a chance to thrive again. Courageous pastors often ask, 'What do I do when one or two persons intimidate the church so much that it is not willing to try something new?'"2
Easum's response was either to convert them, neutralize them, or kick them out. To which some cry, "That's not very Christian."
The point is that sometimes (not always, by any means) we Christians are just too nice. That's more because we are too afraid to stand up to bullies and call their bluff—not because we're Christian. We'd rather keep the peace than rock the boat.
True, we are to be loving, but that doesn't mean we always have to be nice. I recall hearing an employer share how he was accused of not being Christian by an inept employee he was firing. So he said to the employee in question, "Well I'm going to lovingly fire you." If, after being given several warnings and help to improve, an employee is not pulling his or her weight, it isn't loving to let him off the hook. In fact, it is reinforcing his irresponsibility, which is anything but loving. Neither is it loving to allow bullies to control a church.
So let's not confuse loving with being nice. Jesus was always loving and compassionate as this was his nature, but he wasn't always nice. Think how he turned over the tables of the money changers—merchants who were ripping off the poor in the house of God, no less—and drove them out of the temple with a whip, and how he scathingly scorned the religious bigots who loved their doctrines more than they loved people, and used their teachings to control people for their own ends.
Jesus knew the value of tough love. Not that it's easy. In fact, it can be very difficult, but we need to exercise it too when such is called for.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, I confess that I am often afraid to exercise tough love for fear I won't be liked. Please help me to overcome my fear and give me the courage to exercise tough love when tough love is what is required. And give me the insight and grace to know how to do this in a firm but loving manner. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV). 2. William Easum, "On Not Being Nice 'For the Sake of the Gospel,'" Net Results, April 1997.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
educe ih-DOOS , verb; 1. To draw forth or bring out, as something potential or latent. 2. To infer or deduce.
Quotes: Forty or fifty minutes of vigorous and unslackened analytic thought bestowed upon one of them usually suffices to educe from it all there is to educe , its general solution… -- Edited by Umberto Eco and Thomas A. Sebeok, The Sign of Three: Dupin, Holmes, Peirce
If, after this, you can possibly want any further aid towards knowing what Sir Lionel was, we can tell you, that in his soul "the scientific combinations of thought could educe no fuller harmonies of the good and the true, than lay in the primaeval pulses which floated as an atmosphere around it!"... -- George Eliot, Middlemarch
Origin: Related to educate , educe is derived from the Latin roots ex- meaning "out" and ducere meaning "to lead." Shakespeare was the first writer to use it in the sense of "to provide schooling" in Loves Labours Lost .
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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
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Peanut Butter Balls
Yield: About 50 balls
1-1/2 sticks (12 tablespoons) margarine, melted 1 28-ounce jar peanut butter 1 box powdered sugar 2/3 bar paraffin 1 6-ounce bar German sweet (or semisweet) chocolate
Mix margarine, peanut butter, and sugar. Shape into small balls and place on wax paper. Put a toothpick into each one and refrigerate at least 45 minutes to an hour.
Next, melt paraffin and chocolate in top of a double broiler. Dip the balls, remove the toothpicks, and refrigerate. Don't let the balls touch each other until after the chocolate/paraffin mixture has hardened.
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Beef & Bean Enchiladas
These beef enchiladas, topped with a zesty green and red homemade sauce, are perfect for a party or a potluck. To cut calories and saturated fat we fill them with 90%-lean beef bulked up with chopped portobello mushrooms and beans. Although white-flour tortillas are traditional in San Antonio, we go for whole-wheat or corn tortillas to add a little fiber.
8 servings, 2 enchiladas each Active Time: 40 minutes Total Time: 1 hour
ENCHILADA SAUCE 1 pound tomatillos (see Tip), husks removed, quartered 1 large onion, coarsely chopped 2 cloves garlic, quartered 1 jalapeño, seeded, if desired, and quartered 1 10-ounce can Rotel diced tomatoes or one 14-ounce can Mexican-style diced tomatoes 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth
FILLING 1 tablespoon canola oil 12 ounces lean (90% or leaner) ground beef 3 large portobello mushrooms, gills removed, diced 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 16-ounce can fat-free refried beans, preferably spicy 16 5- to 6-inch whole-wheat flour tortillas or corn tortillas 2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
PREPARATION To prepare sauce: Place tomatillos, onion, garlic and jalapeño in a food processor; pulse until coarsely pureed. Transfer to a large saucepan. Add tomatoes and broth to the pan and bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to maintain a simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes. Set aside. Preheat oven to 400°F. To prepare filling: Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add ground beef, mushrooms, cumin and salt; cook, stirring and breaking up the beef with a spoon, until the beef is no longer pink and most of the liquid from the mushrooms is gone, about 5 minutes. Add beans and stir to combine. Remove from the heat. Spread 1/2 cup of the sauce in a 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Dip a tortilla in the remaining sauce to moisten it and place on a clean cutting board. Spread about 1/4 cup of the filling down the middle of the tortilla and roll it up into a cigar shape. Place seam-side down in the prepared baking dish. Repeat with the remaining tortillas and filling, placing the enchiladas snugly next to each other to make a single layer. Top the enchiladas with the remaining sauce and sprinkle with cheese. Bake until the enchiladas are hot and the cheese is beginning to brown, 15 to 20 minutes.
TIPS & NOTES Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate the sauce for up to 5 days. Tip: Tomatillos are tart, plum-size fruits that look like small, husk-covered green tomatoes. Find them in the produce section near the tomatoes. Remove outer husks and rinse well before using.
NUTRITION Per serving: 376 calories; 16 g fat ( 7 g sat , 5 g mono ); 51 mg cholesterol; 37 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 22 g protein; 8 g fiber; 733 mg sodium; 687 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Calcium (29% daily value), Zinc (28% dv), Magnesium (22% dv), Potassium (20% dv), Vitamin C (19% dv), Iron (18% dv)
Carbohydrate Servings: 2
Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 lean meat, 1 high-fat meat
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Chicken Wings with Sweet Chili Glaze
20 min 35 min 4 servings Write the first review
Crisco® Butter Flavor No-Stick Cooking Spray 16 fresh or frozen chicken wing segments, thawed, (about 1 1/4 pounds) 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt 1/4 cup Hungry Jack® Original Syrup 2 tablespoons Smucker's® Sweet Orange Marmalade 1 tablespoon Asian-style red curry paste 1 large clove garlic, minced Diagonally sliced green onions and chopped peanuts (optional)
1.HEAT oven to 400ºF. Coat a 9-inch square baking dish with no-stick cooking spray.
2.RINSE chicken and pat dry with paper towels. Sprinkle with seasoned salt. Arrange in a single layer in prepared baking dish. Bake 15 minutes.
3.STIR together syrup, marmalade, red curry paste and garlic in medium bowl. Remove wings from oven. Add wings to sauce mixture and stir to coat. Return wings and sauce to baking dish. Bake an additional 20 to 25 minutes, turning occasionally, or until chicken is done and sauce thickened. Remove from oven and let stand 5 minutes. Garnish with green onion and peanuts, if desired.
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Chocolate Angel Pie
An intensely flavored chocolate filling in tender pastry, topped off with a fluffy meringue, creates a luscious treat for the dessert table.
Prep Time: 40 mins Total Time: 5 hrs 10 mins Servings: Makes 8 servings
Ingredients 4 eggs 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup cornstarch 2-1/2 cups half-and-half, light cream, or whole milk 3 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped 1 tablespoon butter or margarine 2-1/2 teaspoons vanilla 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar 1/2 cup sugar Baked 9-inch pastry shell
Directions
1 Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Separate egg yolks from whites; set whites aside for meringue. Place yolks in a small bowl; set aside.
2 For filling, in a medium saucepan, combine 1 cup sugar and cornstarch. Gradually stir in half-and-half and chocolate. Cook and stir over medium-high heat until thickened and bubbly; reduce heat. Cook and stir for 2 minutes more. Gradually stir about 1 cup of the hot mixture into yolks. Add egg yolk mixture to hot mixture in saucepan.
3 Bring to a gentle boil; reduce heat. Cook and stir for 2 minutes more. Remove from heat. Stir in butter and 1-1/2 teaspoons of the vanilla. Cover and keep filling warm.
4 For meringue, in a large mixing bowl, combine egg whites, remaining 1 teaspoon vanilla, and cream of tartar. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed about 1 minute or until soft peaks form (tips curl). Gradually add 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, beating on high speed for five minutes more or until mixture forms stiff, glossy peaks (tips stand straight) and sugar dissolves.
5 Pour warm filling into baked pastry shell. Spread meringue over warm filling; seal to edge. Bake for 30 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for 1 hour. Chill for 3 to 6 hours before serving; cover for longer storage.
6 Makes 8 servings
Nutrition Facts Calories 499, Total Fat 27 g, Saturated Fat 13 g, Cholesterol 137 mg, Sodium 152 mg, Carbohydrate 60 g, Fiber 2 g, Protein 9 g. Daily Values: Vitamin A 0%, Vitamin C 1%, Calcium 11%, Iron 18%. Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet
*************************** IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ......
But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Each day do something to lift up another soul. Provide the helping hand to raise another to courage, faith, and health." -- GOD
1 John 1:7
(7) But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
As we grow, God reveals more of His perfection to us, and as He reveals His perfection, His light, His truth, we continue to repent. Knowing better what He is, we go to Him for forgiveness of what we are and what we have done, and He continues to cleanse us by the blood of Jesus Christ, washing our imperfections away.
Everything in the Christian life ultimately comes down to our relationship with God. Without the relationship, without the fellowship that is made possible through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ—which bridges the gap between us and God and enables us to have the relationship—no growth will take place. The practice of walking in the light makes perfect. It is not a matter of changing and cleansing ourselves, but rather that fellowship with God has a transforming and perfecting quality.
We know that "evil communication [company, NKJV] corrupts good manners" (I Corinthians 15:33, KJV). The obverse of this is that wonderful, pure, good communication produces good manners. When we are around evil people, we will pick up their habits and their ways. When we choose as our companions people who have the standards of God and fellowship with them, they will likely rub off on us. We cannot fellowship with anyone better than God. That is the whole purpose of the relationship. When we are around Him, we become like Him, unless we consciously decide to cut ourselves off from Him by rejecting His truth.
It is a wonderful system. Everything hinges on the relationship, on the fellowship, and then ultimately on the response to truth. We cannot afford to allow the carnal nature in us (it is still there even after conversion, as Paul said that sin was still in him; Romans 7:14-25) to gain the upper hand and prevent us from working and building on this relationship.
Leviticus 19:2 tells us that we are to be holy because He is holy, and that is what this fellowship is doing, equipping us for holiness on a day-to-day basis. Maintaining that fellowship is not always easy because of the prejudices that we bring with us due to the traditions of our human cultures. We were once helpless before them, having absorbed what our parents taught us until God opened our minds to the truth. Even now, it takes conscious effort for us to respond to the truth, but if we want to be holy, we must maintain the relationship.
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
bit·ter·sweet noun 'bi-t?r-?swet
Definition of BITTERSWEET
1 : something that is bittersweet; especially : pleasure alloyed with pain 2 a : a poisonous Eurasian woody vine (Solanum dulcamara) of the nightshade family that has purple flowers and oval reddish berries and is naturalized in North America b : a North American poisonous woody vine (Celastrus scandens) of the staff-tree family having clusters of small greenish flowers succeeded by yellow capsules that open when ripe and disclose the scarlet aril First Known Use of BITTERSWEET 14th century
Other Seed Plant Terms aubergine, box, bramble, briar, composite, perpetual, pulse, trefoil
***************************
The holiday season is approaching fast, and it's bringing with it festivities, family gatherings...and stress. Holidays can be just as stressful as they are fun. But did you know that the holiday season can also be stressful for your dog? During the holidays, dogs are more likely to experience anxiety and digestive problems. Here's why (and what you can do about it!): Holidays usually mean visiting relatives and enjoying celebrations. If you find yourself overwhelmed by all the people around you, just imagine how your dog must feel! Dogs can become nervous around so many people and noise. While we understand what the influx of guests means, dogs don't, and the constant stream of unfamiliar people can be very upsetting. Dogs are also very good at sensing changes so the preparations and extra energy in the air may make your dog anxious. To help your dog deal with the sudden burst of stimuli, you can set aside a quiet room far enough from the main festivities where your dog can relax. Make sure you visit him often though - you don't want to cause him even more stress from feeling abandoned. If your dog loves the attention of your holiday guests, there's no harm in letting him hang out with everyone! Until mealtime, that is. Even if you can resist your dog's pleading eyes, your guests may not have the same willpower: dogs get a lot more table scraps around the holidays than at any other time of year. This also means that more dogs end up needing to see the vet during and after the holidays. Why? Because table scraps are bad for your dog! Human food can throw off your dog's nutritional balance. Some human food like chocolate and meat bones can actually be harmful to your dog. A well-meaning nibble under the table can end up in a trip to the vet if caution isn't taken. Feeding your dog table scraps can lead to digestive problems and vomiting, or even worse complications! Tell your guests before mealtime not to feed your dog food from the table. If you don't trust your guests to ignore your dog's big soulful eyes (and who can blame them?) you can simply confine your dog to another room while you eat. Give him lots of toys to keep him occupied, or even his own food to eat while everyone else eats. Table scraps are not the only aspect of the holidays that can lead to your dog vomiting. Holidays also mean a lot of traveling, which can cause a problem many people don't consider: car sickness. That's right - your dog can get car sick! in fact, 1 our of 6 dogs experience motion sickness during travel by car, boat, train, or even airplane. Warning signs that your dog is feeling motion sick include increased drooling, excessive swallowing, and too much panting. If your dog is one of the many who experience motion sickness, now there's a way to deal with it: CERENIA® (maropitant citrate) tablets are the first FDA-approved veterinary medication that were developed specifically for dogs who suffer from motion sickness. Created by Pfizer Animal Health, CERENIA® blocks the signs of motion sickness from reaching your dog's emetic center, negating his need to vomit. Just one tablet has proven 93% effective in preventing vomiting in dogs due to motion sickness. So if you need to do any traveling this holiday, it may be a good idea to prepare by packing CERENIA® - and your dog getting car sick is just one less stressor you will have to worry about this holiday season. Keep the holiday season free of stress - and free of vomiting dogs! We want our dogs to enjoy the holidays like us, not spend it feeling sick. Here's to a safe and happy holiday - for both you and your pets!
***************************
Bacon-Wrapped Potato Bites
total time 35 min prep 10 min servings 12 servings
what you need 12 slices OSCAR MAYER Bacon, cut crosswise in half 24 frozen bite-size seasoned potato nuggets 1/4 cup KRAFT Mayo with Olive Oil Reduced Fat Mayonnaise 2 Tbsp. ketchup
make it HEAT oven to 375ºF. WRAP 1 bacon piece around each potato nugget; place on rack of broiler pan. BAKE 25 min. or until bacon is crisp, turning after 15 min. Meanwhile, mix mayo and ketchup. SERVE nuggets with mayo mixture.
kraft kitchens tips SUBSTITUTE Substitute chili sauce for the ketchup.
***************************
PHILLY Shrimp Cocktail Dip
total time 10 min prep 10 min servings 24 servings, 2 Tbsp. each
what you need 1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened 3/4 lb. cooked cleaned shrimp, chopped (about 2 cups) 3/4 cup KRAFT Cocktail Sauce 1/4 cup KRAFT Shredded Parmesan Cheese 2 green onions, sliced
make it
SPREAD cream cheese onto bottom of shallow bowl. TOSS shrimp with cocktail sauce; spoon over cream cheese. TOP with remaining ingredients. Serve with WHEAT THINS Original Crackers.
kraft kitchens tips SUBSTITUTE Substitute 1 pkg. (8 oz.) imitation crabmeat, coarsely chopped, for the shrimp.
***************************
Chicken Fiesta Dip
total time 40 min prep 15 min servings 32 servings, 2 Tbsp. dip and 12 chips each
what you need 4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese, softened 1 cup BREAKSTONE'S Reduced Fat or KNUDSEN Light Sour Cream 1 pkt. (1-1/4 oz.) TACO BELL® HOME ORIGINALS® Taco Seasoning Mix 1-1/2 cups chopped cooked chicken 1 cup KRAFT Mexican Style 2% Milk Finely Shredded Four Cheese, divided 4 green onions, sliced 1 small tomato, chopped 1/4 cup sliced black olives WHEAT THINS Big Snack Crackers
make it HEAT oven to 350°F. MIX first 3 ingredients in medium bowl. Stir in chicken, 1/2 cup shredded cheese and onions. SPOON into 9-inch pie plate. BAKE 25 min. or until heated through. Top with remaining shredded cheese, tomatoes and olives. Serve with crackers.
*************************** Greek Antipasto Dip
total time 22 min prep 10 min servings 16 servings, 2 Tbsp. dip and 11 crackers each
what you need 1 tub (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA 1/3 Less Fat than Cream Cheese 1 clove garlic, finely chopped 1/3 cup chopped drained roasted red peppers 1/4 cup finely chopped red onions 1 Tbsp. olive oil 1/4 cup ATHENOS Crumbled Reduced Fat Feta Cheese 1/2 small lemon, seeded 1 Tbsp. minced fresh parsley WHEAT THINS Big Snack Crackers
make it HEAT oven to 350ºF. MIX reduced-fat cream cheese and garlic; spread onto bottom of 9-inch pie plate. COVER with peppers and onions. Drizzle with oil; top with feta. BAKE 10 to 12 min. or until heated through. Squeeze lemon over dip. Sprinkle with parsley. Serve with crackers.
kraft kitchens tips SPECIAL EXTRA Add a layer of 10 chopped kalamata or black olives to dip before baking as directed.
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with regular WHEAT THINS Snack Crackers.
***************************
5-Layer Mexican Dip
total time 3 hr 10 min prep 10 min servings 32 servings, 2 Tbsp. each
what you need 1 can (15-1/2 oz.) refried black beans 1 Tbsp. chili powder 1/2 tsp. ground cumin 1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream 1 cup KRAFT Shredded Cheddar Cheese 3 green onions, sliced 1/3 cup sliced black olives 1 tomato, chopped
Make it
MIX beans, chili powder and cumin; spread onto bottom of 9-inch pie plate. TOP with layers of remaining ingredients. REFRIGERATE several hours.
kraft kitchens tips SIZE-WISESavor every bite of this tasty dip, but watch your portion size.
SERVING SUGGESTION Serve with tortilla chips. SUBSTITUTE Prepare using fat-free refried black beans, KRAFT 2% Milk Shredded Cheddar Cheese and BREAKSTONE'S FREE or KNUDSEN Fat Free Sour Cream.
***************************
Baking with Fresh Pumpkin
Smaller is Better Choose sugar pie pumpkins or other flavorful varieties. Small and sweet, with dark orange-colored flesh, they're perfect for pies, soups, muffins and breads.
A medium-sized (4-pound) sugar pumpkin should yield around 1½ cups of mashed pumpkin. This puree can be used in all your recipes calling for canned pumpkin.
Field pumpkins, which are bred for perfect jack-o'-lanterns, tend to be too large and stringy for baking.
Choose Your Method There are three ways to transform an uncooked pumpkin into the puree used in baking:
Baking Method
Cut the pumpkin in half and discard the stem section and stringy pulp. Save the seeds to dry and roast In a shallow baking dish, place the two halves face down and cover with foil Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) oven for about 1½ hours for a medium-sized sugar pumpkin, or until tender Once the baked pumpkin has cooled, scoop out the flesh and puree or mash it For silky smooth custards or soups, press the pumpkin puree through a sieve
Boiling Method
Cut the pumpkin in half, discarding the stringy insides Peel the pumpkin and cut it into chunks Place in a saucepan and cover with water Bring to a boil and cook until the pumpkin chunks are tender Let the chunks cool, and then puree the flesh in a food processor or mash it with a potato masher or food mill
Microwave Method
Cut the pumpkin in half, discarding the stringy insides Microwave on high power for seven minutes per pound, turning pieces every few minutes to promote even cooking. Process as above You can refrigerate your fresh pumpkin puree for up to three days, or store it in the freezer up to six months, enabling you to enjoy fall pumpkins for months to come
***************************
THE ONLY WALMART INTERVIEW YOU NEED TO HEAR!!!!
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT..' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man.
'Hmmm....let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
***************************
The U. S. S.. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).
However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November.. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England . In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships,salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky, and 38,600 gallons of water.
GO NAVY! Something To Remember
Three people having sex is a -Threesome
Two people having sex is a - Twosome
So next time someone calls you - Handsome - don't take it as a compliment!
***************************
Having a Bad Day?
The next time you feel that nobody loves you, no one cares, or that no one ever notices you,
Think of this guy:
Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . .READ ON!! In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Fernando Rodriguez , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner. Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day? A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his ipod. Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death. What? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. ***************************
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly throughMinneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began mypreparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. Take it easy Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before.
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all: 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' *************************** Help...Help, My pilot just died !
Help...Help "My pilot just died!"
A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
"Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5'2" and sitting in the right front seat." Ground control: "Repeat after me: Our Father..... which art in Heaven.... "
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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