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REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Matthew 5:9
(9) Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
New King James Version
Most of us are not at all adept at reconciling warring parties, but that is not the kind of peacemaking Jesus is concerned about for us now. His idea of peacemaking revolves around the way we live. It was Adam and Eve's conduct that shattered the peace between man and God. Cain's conduct broke the peace between him and Abel and him and God. As it is with all of us, conduct makes or breaks the peace! As mentioned earlier, Paul commands us, "As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18), an arduous task at times, considering human personalities. The thrust of Paul's exhortation implies that, far from being a simple task, complying with it will call upon our constant vigilance, self-control, and earnest prayer. Though human nature guarantees that peace-breaking "offenses must come," it is part of Christian duty to ensure that our conduct produces no just cause of complaint against us (Matthew 18:7). It is first for our own peace that we do so, for it is impossible to be happy while involved in arguments and warfare. Some Christians are more competitive and contentious than others, and they need to beg God doubly for the spiritual strength to restrain their pride and anger and to calm them. Paul warns, "'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26). Though pride may be at the base of contention, rising anger within one or the other person in a dispute is frequently the first sign that the peace is about to be broken. Paul's warning is necessary because anger is so difficult to check and equally difficult to let go completely before the peace is broken, and bitter and persistent hatred soon replaces the anger. Paul quotes the first phrase of this verse from Psalm 4:4, then modifies the second phrase to give it a more immediate and practical application. "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord" (Psalm 4:4-5). This is exactly the course Jesus follows when taunted and vilified by those whose ire He had aroused. Notice Peter's testimony: For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: "Who committed no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth"; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously. (I Peter 2:21-23) If we follow Christ's example, the one reviling or threatening soon finds himself without an opponent. God, then, advises us to be passive in the face of contention. In the Kingdom, however, we will likely be a great deal more proactive, just as Christ is now as our High Priest. He will be even more active when He comes as King of kings to fight against the nations and establish His peace. Since it is true that "blessed are the peacemakers," it logically follows that God curses peace-breakers, a fact all who desire to be peacemakers must keep in mind. Contention produces the curse of disunity. When Adam and Eve sinned, both unity and peace were shattered, and God sentenced them to death. Regardless of the justification, it is impossible for sin to produce either godly peace or unity. It is therefore urgent that we be diligent not merely to guard against the more obvious forms of sin but also bigotry, intemperate zeal, judging, impatience, and a quarrelsome spirit, which provide a basis for Paul's counsel in Romans 14:19.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
irrefragable ih-REF-ruh-guh-buhl , adjective; 1.Impossible to refute; incontestable; undeniable; as, an irrefragable argument; irrefragable evidence.
Quotes: I had the most irrefragable evidence of the absolute truth and soundness of the principle upon which my invention was based. -- Sir Henry Bessemer, Autobiography On June 4, the Citizen featured an interview with the Joneses' lawyer, R. S. Newcombe, who insisted that at the pending manslaughter trial he would bring "positive, absolute, irrefragable proof from . . . the most eminent scientists in the world" to show that both the Bates and Hunt operations were necessary and that no surgeon could have saved their lives. -- Regina Morantz-Sanchez, Conduct Unbecoming a Woman
Origin: Irrefragable derives from Late Latin irrefragabilis, from Latin in-, "not" + refragari, "to oppose."
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Natural Stress Relief: Herbs for Anxiety, Headaches and More From pain-fighting feverfew to lulling lemon balm, you can ease
aches, unwind and lift your spirits — naturally! — with these herbal
remedies for stress relief. Read more: http://www.motherearthnews.com/natural-
health/natural-stress-relief-ze0z11zhir.aspx#ixzz1YclyliTL
A balcony, a patio, a windowsill — herbs to stock your own natural
pharmacy can flourish just about anywhere, and “Homegrown Remediesâ€
will show you how to grow dozens of nourishing plants (even with limited
space) and turn them into infusions, tinctures, syrups, decoctions, poultices
and other preparations that can relieve, refresh and heal. You’ll learn how
to make herbal remedies to knock out a fever, settle an upset stomach,
soothe achy muscles, lower cholesterol and blood pressure, and much
more. The following is an excerpt from Homegrown Remedies by Anne McIntyre
(Gaia/Octopus, 2011). In this fun, photo-packed reference, McIntyre
outlines the herbal help at hand for treating a variety of everyday ailments
and offers 40 straightforward, easy-to-concoct remedies, including a
soothing honey for coughs, a fragrant salve for eczema, an herbal sleep
pillow for insomnia, and a healing oil for cuts and wounds. You’ll also find a
directory that details the unique healing properties of each plant
mentioned in the book, along with a chart identifying the specific vitamins
and minerals that common herbs have to offer. This excerpt is from the
Introduction and Chapter 6, “Managing Stress.â€
For Natural Hair Color, Color Your Hair with Natural Dyes If your hair color is looking a little tarnished, color your hair with one of
these natural hair co... Natural Hair Care: How to Make Natural Shampoo from Yucca Root For a truly herbal shampoo, try this easy recipe for homemade shampoo
made with yucca. Find out how... Gardening is one of the best kinds of preventative medicine, good for all
manner of ills. If you love gardening, as I do, you’ve probably experienced
that sense of joy derived from hours spent nurturing plants and seeing
them develop in shape, form and color. For many people, the garden is
their sanctuary, a place of peace and refreshment away from the stress
of everyday life. Even if you don’t have space for a garden, you can still
create form and beauty — not forgetting wonderful scents — from herbs
grown in pots and containers, whether inside or out. When you grow herbs,
you will have the reward of harvesting those herbs and using them to
enhance your health and well-being. Growing herbs is an excellent way to get to know plants that are not only
beautiful and evocatively scented but are also remarkable medicines.
Herbs are a very real part of everyday life: They enliven diet and cuisine,
provide valuable ingredients for beauty products, cosmetics, toothpastes,
body creams and lotions, and also play an important part in health care. Many common herbs used by herbalists to help and cure everyday ailments
can be found in your kitchen, on your patio or in the garden, in nearby
parks, fields and hedgerows, and you can prepare them at home, simply
and quickly. A sage gargle, for example, makes an effective cure for sore
throats, hot mint and honey drinks ease colds, vinegar soothes wasp stings,
and dock leaves rubbed onto nettle stings provide ready relief.
How Do Herbs Work?
Herbs are made up of natural constituents that have an inherent
compatibility with our bodies. We cannot directly assimilate many of the
substances our bodies need to grow to maintain our health and to heal us
when we are ill. Plants process these substances for us, making them
accessible to the body. Through photosynthesis, plants manufacture
carbohydrates and give off oxygen while taking up minerals and trace
elements through their roots. This creates metabolic pathways that
provide building blocks for the production of compounds that can easily be
used in the body. In medicinal plants, these include minerals, vitamins and
trace elements, the raw materials we need for recovery, as well as a vast
assortment of other medicinal substances such as volatile oils, bitters,
tannins and alkaloids, which have affinities for particular organs and
systems and have specific therapeutic actions in the body.
Herbs are very much like foods, and the dividing line between them is very
thin. An herbal remedy is, by definition, any plant that has a therapeutic
action, and this includes most of the fruit and vegetable kingdom. Celery
seeds and celery have a cleansing, antiseptic effect through the whole of
the urinary tract and are widely used for arthritis. Oats are a wonderful
tonic to the nervous system, while raspberries have long been used for
throat and chest problems.
We have always eaten plants, and so the human body has adapted over
millennia to respond to plant medicines in a way that it cannot possibly
respond to powerful synthetic drugs. This means that there is less risk of
side effects when using herbs as medicines. The substances that plants
contain are very similar in chemical makeup to those that form the human
body.
Herbs for Headaches and Migraines
Rosemary helps soften and relax tense muscles that bring on stress
headaches, while meadowsweet is ideal for relieving pain. Feverfew is
famed for helping intractable headaches, bringing blood to the head.
Refreshing peppermint makes a great analgesic.
PAIN RELIEF COMPRESS
(For your convenience, we’ve converted some ingredients in the following
recipes from British to American measurements. — MOTHER)
Ingredients:
1 oz each fresh or 1/2 oz dried rosemary, peppermint, feverfew,
meadowsweet 1 cup plus 2 tbsp white vinegar
Instructions:
Fill a jar with the herbs. Cover with the vinegar and leave on a sunny
windowsill for 2 to 3 weeks. Strain into a clean, dark bottle and seal.
How to Use:
When you have a headache, pour some of the vinegar into a bowl and soak
a clean flannel in it, wring out and apply to the forehead. Repeat as
necessary. You can also chill the vinegar in the fridge, which will help if
your headaches are relieved by cold temperatures.
Hints and Tips:
Rosemary relieves headaches of all kinds, whether from stress, poor
circulation, muscle tension or the excesses of the night before.
Herbs for Anxiety and Tension
On a stressful day, you may feel the need to sip a calming tea or soak in a
bath to release tense muscles and calm anxious thoughts. This combination
of relaxing herbs not only looks, tastes and smells inviting, but it also
relaxes tense muscles, calms nerves and soothes troubles away.
DE-STRESSING SOAK
Ingredients:
3 1/2 oz each fresh or 2 oz dried skullcap, chamomile, vervain, lemon
balm, holy basil Instructions:
Place 1 or 2 handfuls of the herbs in a piece of muslin or cotton and tie a
string around the top to close the opening. Make sure that the string is
long enough so that the bag soaks in the water once the bath is filled.
Makes enough for 1 bath.
How to Use:
Tie the bag to the hot bath tap and soak for 15 to 30 minutes.
Did You Know?
Lemon balm used to be known as “scholar’s herb,†as it calms anxiety and
promotes memory and concentration at the same time.
Herbs for the Blues
When you’re feeling low, there’s herbal help at hand from pots right
outside your door. St. John’s wort can dispel the blues, and borage
supports the adrenal glands, lifting the spirits. The lemony scent of lemon
balm with rosemary and clary sage can make you feel better straight
away.
UPLIFTING TISANE
Ingredients:
2 tsp each fresh or 1 tsp dried lemon balm, clary sage, rosemary, St.
John’s wort, borage, lavender 5 cups boiling water
Note: Do not?drink alcohol when taking clary sage. St. John’s wort can
cause photosensitivity. Avoid during pregnancy and with antidepressants.
Consult your practitioner before taking it if you are on any other
medication.
Instructions:
Place the herbs in a teapot and pour over boiling water. Leave to infuse for
10 to 15 minutes.
How to Use:
Drink a cupful 3 to 6 times daily. For best effects, you may need to take
these herbs over several weeks.
Read more: http://www.motherearthnews.com/natural-health/natural-
stress-relief-ze0z11zhir.aspx?page=3#ixzz1Ycn60Xid
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And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
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I’VE LEARNED...... 'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
*************************** TIE KNOT BLANKET INSTRUCTIONS
SUPPLIES & TOOLS: 1 1/2 yd fleece 10 spools 1/8" silver ribbon Rotary cutter, ruler & mat Sequined letters: to spell message or name Fabric glue
DIRECTIONS: 1. Cut fleece to 58"x52".
2. Cut 1/2"x5" fringe all around. A 5"x5" square will be cut from each
corner.
3. Cut ribbon into 11 1/2" lengths.
4. Tie each 11 1/2" ribbon in half on one piece of fleece fringe.
5. Align fringe & ribbon; tie with an overhand knot. Push the knot up to the
blanket base.
6. Repeat all around fleece edges.
7. Choose message, phrase or name & glue letters in place.
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Homemade Chunky Granola
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 30 min SERVINGS 28
6 cups old-fashioned oats 1 1/2 cups sunflower nuts 1 1/2 cups slivered almonds 1 cup Gold Medal whole wheat flour 3/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup vegetable oil 1/2 cup honey 1/2 cup water 1 bag (7 oz) dried mixed fruit, chopped
1 Heat oven to 300°F. In very large bowl, mix oats, sunflower nuts, almonds, flour, brown sugar and salt. In small bowl, beat oil, honey and water with wire whisk until well blended. Add liquid ingredients to dry ingredients, stirring until dry ingredients are moistened. 2 Spread on 2 ungreased large cookie sheets with sides. Place both cookie sheets in oven on 2 separate oven racks, one below the other. 3 Bake 20 minutes, stirring after 10 minutes. Reverse position of cookie sheets in oven; bake 10 to 20 minutes longer, stirring every 10 minutes, until golden brown. Cool completely on cookie sheets, about 30 minutes. 4 Stir mixture to break apart. Stir in dried fruit. Store in tightly covered container.
Expert Tips Sprinkle granola on top of yogurt, pudding or ice cream. Serve with milk for breakfast, or eat as a crunchy snack.
1 Serving (1 Serving (1/2 Cup))Calories 280(Calories from Fat 120),Total Fat 14g(Saturated Fat 1 1/2g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 0mg;Sodium 90mg;Total Carbohydrate 33g(Dietary Fiber 4g,Sugars 15g),Protein 6g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 0.00%;Vitamin C 0.00%;Calcium 4.00%;Iron 10.00%;Exchanges:2 Starch;0 Fruit;0 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Apple-Pecan Coffee Cake
Mmm! Warm fiber-rich apple coffee cake boasts a crunchy streusel topping.
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 55 min SERVINGS 12
Topping 1/2cup coarsely chopped pecans 1/4cup firm butter or margarine 3tablespoons packed brown sugar 2tablespoons Gold Medal all-purpose flour 1/2teaspoon ground cinnamon
Coffee Cake 1cup Fiber One original bran cereal 1cup milk 1 3/4cups Gold Medal all-purpose flour 2/3cup granulated sugar 1/4cup vegetable oil 3teaspoons baking powder 1/2teaspoon salt 4egg whites or 2 eggs 1medium all-purpose apple (Gala, Haralson, McIntosh), peeled and chopped
1Heat oven to 375°F. Grease bottom and sides of 9-inch square pan with shortening and lightly flour, or spray with baking spray with flour. In small bowl, mix streusel ingredients; set aside. 2Place cereal in resealable food-storage plastic bag; seal bag and crush with rolling pin or meat mallet (or crush in food processor). In large bowl, stir together cereal and milk; let stand 5 minutes. Stir in remaining coffee cake ingredients except apple; beat 30 seconds with spoon. Gently stir in apple. Spread half the batter in pan; sprinkle streusel on top. Spoon remaining batter over streusel; spread to cover. 3Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Serve warm.
Expert Tips It's always a good idea to sample a few nuts before adding them to your recipe to make sure they aren't rancid.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 280(Calories from Fat 110),Total Fat 12g(Saturated Fat 3 1/2g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 10mg;Sodium 290mg;Total Carbohydrate 37g(Dietary Fiber 3g,Sugars 17g),Protein 4g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 4.00%;Vitamin C 0.00%;Calcium 10.00%;Iron 10.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;0 Fruit;1 1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
*************************** DOG TIP
Dogs are very smart animals. In fact, the average dog is as smart as a 3-year-old child. That means he is smart enough to understand more than 150 words, smart enough to count to five - and smart enough to consciously deceive you! (No doubt you've already learned that lesson.)
Yes, dogs are very smart - and some breeds are smarter than others. Psychologist Stanley Coren, a leading canine researcher and widely published author from the University of British Columbia, studied data from 208 dog obedience judges in the USA and Canada to determine which breeds are the smartest. Check out the results below to see if your dog made that list: 1. Border collies 2. Poodles 3. German shepherds 4. Golden retrievers 5. Dobermans 6. Shetland sheepdogs 7. Labrador retrievers Did you know that a good smart toy can actually boost your dog's IQ? It's true. Veterinarians recommend puzzle toys (also called "smart toys") because they provide dogs with the fun mental challenges they need to keep their minds sharp, while keeping them active and happy. These toys require your dog to use his problem solving skills to "win" the game. Dogs are smart and they need mentally stimulating activities to hold their interest. W hen a dog is bored, he becomes unhappy and often even depressed. That can lead to weight gain, inactivity, eating problems, grooming issues, destruction and other behavior problems. Dogs need something to challenge their problem-solving skills and keep them satisfied.
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Five Ways to Use Herbs Year 'Round: Scott Walton
1. Pick your pesto Most gardens have an abundance of basil leaves this time of year. A traditional pesto sauce, made with fresh basil, garlic, pine nuts and parmesan is always good, but this year try something unique. Use your imagination to whip up fun combinations such as sage and walnut or mint and hazelnut. The options are endless.
Make perfect pesto, Amalfi Coast style
2. Medicinal herbs all season long During cold and flu season, dried herbs still have essentials oils needed to make your favorite teas. Try drying mint, rosemary or lavender by cutting at the stem and allowing them to hang upside down in a cool place. When dry, pick the leaves and store in an air tight container. If possible, remember the rule of using dry herbs to start and fresh herbs to finish.
3. Rubs and smoking Experiment with using excess herbs to create fresh marinades and rubs. To create a nice 'smoky' rub, hang and dry excess cilantro and fennel plants to reserve the coriander and fennel seeds. Toast the spices lightly and put in a coffee grinder to produce the right consistency.
Master the art of the rub
4. Innovative cocktails all winter long Some of the best cocktails are made by muddling and garnishing alcoholic beverages with fresh herbs. Freezing herbs can guarantee fresh cocktail hour all winter long. To freeze, rinse herbs and wrap in a paper towel to remove excess moisture. A food saver system is your best bet, but you can also use a Ziploc bag and keep in the freezer until cocktail hour. A food saver is actually fun to play with and you’ll be vacuum sealing everything in sight
5. Make better butter Not only do homemade compound butters go great on bagels, vegetables, popcorn and even fish, but they have a long shelf life as well. Mix in chives, rosemary or even lavender for a unique spread to store in the refrigerator or give as a unique hostess gift.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"Humility is not belittling the self, it is forgetting the self because you are remembering Me. -- GOD
Revelation 11:1-5
(1) Then I was given a reed like a measuring rod. And the angel stood, saying, "Rise and measure the temple of God, the altar, and those who worship there. (2) But leave out the court which is outside the temple, and do not measure it, for it has been given to the Gentiles. And they will tread the holy city underfoot for forty-two months. (3) And I will give power to my two witnesses, and they will prophesy one thousand two hundred and sixty days, clothed in sackcloth." (4) These are the two olive trees and the two lampstands standing before the God of the earth. (5) And if anyone wants to harm them, fire proceeds from their mouth and devours their enemies. And if anyone wants to harm them, he must be killed in this manner.
In Revelation 11, during the Great Tribulation and the Day of the Lord, John describes the Two Witnesses as having God-given power to witness and, if need be, call fire down from heaven to destroy their enemies. While they preach God's last warning to the human and demonic powers of earth just before the final Trumpet sounds, God gives them supernatural protection. Before the start of their 3½-year commission, the Two Witnesses will already have been witnessing by their example and through their preaching. They will already be producing good works. God will inspire them to utter a specific message directed at the descendants of Israel and the rest of the world, indicting the world of sin.
Revelation 11:3 says: And I will give power to my two witnesses, and they will prophesy one thousand two hundred and sixty days, clothed in sackcloth.
The word "power" is not in the Greek text, which simply reads, "I will give to my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy. . . ." Paraphrased, God says, "I will grant to My Two Witnesses the right or power of prophesying during the time specified." Translators must add a word like "power," "privilege," "opportunity," or "boldness" to complete the sense in English. The meaning is not that God would send two witnesses to prophesy, but that they are existing witnesses who receive additional gifts and powers. During that time God will give them the privilege and the strength to proclaim the truth that they will be commissioned to communicate as His "witnesses" to mankind. The phrase "and they will prophecy" does not necessarily mean that they would predict future events, but that they would proclaim the truth as God had revealed it. The indication here is that the Two Witnesses would publicly preach or maintain the truth before the world. God promises protection to those who obey Him, provided it is His will. Some of the faithful are given the spiritual strength to be martyred, and others are protected from such unpleasantness. God decides for His own purpose how He wants us to represent Him. Revelation 11:5 describes part of God's witness protection program, "If anyone wants to harm [the Two Witnesses], fire proceeds from their mouth and devours their enemies." Christ is reliable and true. Not a hair of our head is affected without His approval.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
cosmogony koz-MOG-uh-nee , noun; 1. A theory or story of the origin and development of the universe.
Quotes:
In the shortest (but probably not the earliest) form of the cosmogony, the beginning of all things is found in the watery abyss. -- Charles Dudley Warner, A Library of the World's Best Literature, Vol. 1
He narrowed it down to a matter of cosmogony. The grandfather had some curious views about the constitution of the universe. -- Henry Miller, Moloch: Or, This Gentile World
Origin: Cosmogony stems from the Greek kosmogonia meaning "creation of the world," from kosmos "world, universe" and -gonia "a begetting."
***************************** This is really worth passing on!!! * How to lock your car and why
I locked my car. As I walked away I heard my car door unlock. I went back and locked my car again three times. Each time, as soon as I started to walk away, I would hear it unlock again!! Naturally alarmed, I looked around and there were two guys sitting in a car in the fire lane next to the store. They were obviously watching me intently, and there was no doubt they were somehow involved in this very weird scene. I quickly chucked the errand I was on, jumped in my car and sped away. I went straight to the police station, told them what had happened, and found out I was part of a new, and very successful, scheme being used to gain entry into cars.
Two weeks later, my friend's son had a similar happening.... While traveling, my friend's son stopped at a roadside rest to use the bathroom. When he came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later, someone had gotten into his car and stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, GPS navigator, briefcase.....you name it He called the police and since there were no signs of his car being broken into, the police told him he had been a victim of the latest robbery tactic -- there is a device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on yo ur car using your key-chain locking device..
They sit a distance away and watch for their next victim. They know you are going inside of the store, restaurant, or bathroom and that they now have a few minutes to steal and run. The police officer said to manually lock your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car -- that way if there is someone sitting in a parking lot watching for their next victim, it will not be you.
When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting, it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain, it sends the code through the airwaves where it can be instantly stolen.
This is very real.
Be wisely aware of what you just read and please pass this note on. Look how many times we all lock our doors with our remote just to be sure we remembered to lock them -- and bingo, someone has our code...and whatever was in our car.
Snopes Approved --.Please share with everyone you know
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Tequilla Sunrise drink recipe Ingredients to use: 2 oz Grenadine 1 as much as you can get in the blender Ice 10 oz Orange juice 2 oz Tequila
Directions: Fill blender with ice. Pour 2 parts tequilla in, pour 10 parts orange juice in. Blend to slush. Pour in glass add 2 parts grenadine. Watch grenadine sink to bottom. Enjoy.
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Apple, Sauerkraut & Cheddar Quesadillas
This combination may seem unusual—until you try it. The sweet-tartness of the apple, creaminess of the cheese and bite of the sauerkraut work together beautifully in this easy hot sandwich. Serve with oven-roasted potatoes or a green salad.
2 main-dish or 4 appetizer servings Active Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 cup sauerkraut, rinsed 1/2 cup water 2 9-to-10-inch (burrito-size) flour tortillas 1 1/3 cups grated reduced-fat Cheddar cheese 1 small Granny Smith or other tart, juicy apple, peeled and very thinly sliced, peeled and very thinly sliced
PREPARATION Put sauerkraut and water in a medium nonreactive skillet. Gently heat just until the liquid has evaporated but not so much that the sauerkraut begins to stick to the pan. Remove from the heat. Gradually heat a large cast-iron over medium heat. Put one tortilla in the pan and immediately sprinkle 1/3 cup cheese over half of it. Quickly arrange about half the apple slices over the cheese, then top with half the sauerkraut, spreading it evenly. Sprinkle with another 1/3 cup cheese. Fold the tortilla over the filled half and press gently on it with a spatula to seal. Heat the quesadilla until the bottom is golden, about 2 minutes, then carefully flip and lightly brown the other side. Slide the quesadilla onto a cutting board and cut it into halves or quarters. Prepare the second one in the same fashion. Variation: If you like, a little chopped ham tastes wonderful layered in with the other ingredients.
NUTRITION Per main-dish serving: 306 calories; 9 g fat ( 4 g sat , 2 g mono ); 16 mg cholesterol; 34 g carbohydrates; 22 g protein; 3 g fiber; 991 mg sodium; 229 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Calcium (40% daily value), Iron (15% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 2 Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1/2 fruit, 1/2 vegetable, 1 1/2 medium-fat meat
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Cheddar-Ale Soup
Our cheese- and beer-lover's potato soup has only a fraction of the fat and sodium of a traditional recipe. We use low-fat milk and only a little oil and keep the flavor strong with zesty, sharp Cheddar cheese. Precooked diced potatoes, which you can get at many supermarkets, keep this recipe super speedy. Regular diced red potatoes also work—you'll just need to increase the cooking time.
6 servings, 1 3/4 cups each Active Time: 35 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon canola oil 1 large onion, chopped 1 12-ounce bottle beer, preferably ale 2 18-ounce bags precooked diced peeled potatoes, (see Ingredient Note) 1 14-ounce can vegetable broth, or reduced-sodium chicken broth 1 cup water 2 1/2 cups nonfat or low-fat milk 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese, divided 1 small red bell pepper, thinly sliced or finely chopped
PREPARATION Heat oil in a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion and cook, stirring, until softened, about 3 minutes. Add beer; bring to a boil and boil for 5 minutes. Add potatoes, broth and water; cover and return to a boil. Reduce the heat to maintain a simmer, and cook until the potatoes are tender, about 4 minutes. Remove from the heat and mash the potatoes with a potato masher to the desired consistency. Whisk milk and flour and add to the soup. Bring to a simmer over medium-high heat and cook, whisking occasionally, until thickened, about 3 minutes. Remove from the heat; stir in 1 1/4 cups Cheddar and stir until melted. Ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with the remaining 1/4 cup cheese and bell pepper.
TIPS & NOTES Ingredient note: Look for precooked diced potatoes in the refrigerated section of most supermarket produce departments—near other fresh, prepared vegetables. To make your own, peel 2 1/4 pounds Yukon Gold potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch pieces and boil until tender (about 15 minutes).
NUTRITION Per serving: 389 calories; 12 g fat ( 5 g sat , 2 g mono ); 32 mg cholesterol; 50 g carbohydrates; 16 g protein; 5 g fiber; 408 mg sodium; 238 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Calcium (34% daily value), Vitamin C (32% dv), Vitamin A (19% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 3 Exchanges: 2 1/2 starch, 1 vegetable, 1 high fat meat, 1/2 fa
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Cheddar-Apple Melt
It's hard to go wrong with the classic combination of Cheddar cheese and apples. Try this once and you may be addicted. "I tried this with chutney and then another version with a vegetable spread and cinnamon/sugar. Both were wonderful, even with Veggie Shreds rather than real cheese! "
1 serving Active Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 15 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 whole-wheat English muffin, toasted 2 teaspoons jam, or chutney 4 thin apple slices 2 slices reduced-fat Cheddar cheese
PREPARATION Top English muffin with jam (or chutney), apple and cheese. Toast in a toaster oven or under the broiler until the cheese is melted.
NUTRITION Per serving: 253 calories; 5 g fat ( 3 g sat , 2 g mono ); 12 mg cholesterol; 33 g carbohydrates; 20 g protein; 5 g fiber; 769 mg sodium; 215 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Selenium (50% daily value), Calcium (40% dv), Magnesium (15%). Carbohydrate Servings: 2
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Mozzarella en Carrozza
Loosely translated as “mozzarella in a carriage,†Mozzarella en Carrozza is a fried mozzarella sandwich with a pungent anchovy-butter sauce. For this healthier rendition, we brown one side on the stovetop and finish the sandwich in a hot oven. The result: a crisp “carriage†and creamy, savory mozzarella filling. Enjoy with a glass of dry Italian white wine.
2 servings Active Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella 1 tablespoon low-fat mayonnaise 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard 2 anchovy fillets, rinsed and finely chopped 1 teaspoon drained capers Freshly ground pepper to taste 4 1/2 -inch-thick slices Italian bread 1 large egg 1/4 cup nonfat milk 1/4 cup all-purpose flour Pinch of cayenne pepper 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 450°F. Combine mozzarella, mayonnaise, mustard, anchovies, capers and pepper in a small bowl. Spread the mixture over 2 slices of bread. Top with the remaining bread to form sandwiches. Whisk egg and milk in a small shallow dish. Combine flour and cayenne in another small shallow dish. Dip each sandwich into the egg mixture and turn to coat, letting the excess drip off. Dredge lightly in flour and dip again in the egg mixture. Brush a heavy ovenproof skillet, preferably cast-iron, with oil. Heat over medium-high heat. Add the sandwiches and cook until the underside is golden, about 1 minute. Turn the sandwiches over and transfer the pan to the oven. Bake until golden and heated through, 8 to 10 minutes. Serve immediately.
NUTRITION Per serving: 335 calories; 13 g fat ( 5 g sat , 5 g mono ); 112 mg cholesterol; 36 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 18 g protein; 2 g fiber; 786 mg sodium; 195 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Folate (46% daily value), Calcium (30% dv), Iron (15% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 2 1/2
Exchanges: 2 1/2 starch, 1 1/2 medium-fat meat, 1 fat
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Pumpkin Cheesecake with Walnut & Oats Crust
30 min 2 hrs 10 servings
Crisco® Original No-Stick Cooking Spray
CRUST 1/2 cup Crisco® Butter Shortening OR 1/2 stick Crisco® Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening Sticks 3 teaspoons water 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 cup Pillsbury BEST® All Purpose Flour 1/4 cup quick oats 1/4 cup finely chopped walnuts
FILLING 4 (8 oz.) packages (2 lbs.) cream cheese, at room temperature 1 cup granulated sugar 3 tablespoons Pillsbury BEST® All Purpose Flour 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 5 large eggs, at room temperature 8 ounces pumpkin pie filling
CRUST
1.HEAT oven to 325ºF. Lightly spray 9-inch springform pan with no-stick cooking spray. 2.CREAM together shortening, water, cinnamon, nutmeg, and brown sugar. Slowly add flour, oats, and walnuts. Mix well. 3.PRESS mixture into the bottom and one inch up the sides of pan. Bake 10 minutes. Cool on wire rack.
FILLING
1.HEAT oven to 450ºF. 2.BEAT together cream cheese and sugar until fully combined. Add flour, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Mix. Add eggs one at a time, mixing just enough to incorporate each egg. Do not over mix. 3.FOLD in pumpkin pie filling. Pour mixture into prepared crust. Bake 10 minutes. Lower temperature to 225°F and bake an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes. 4.TURN oven off, slightly opening oven door to allow cheesecake to cool to room temperature. Refrigerate cheesecake overnight (or at least 4 hours).
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Marinara Pizza
Here's a recipe for two pizzas that is perfect for feeding a crowd. This makes a great meal for a large gathering or plenty of appetizers for your next party.
Serves: 12 Prep. time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes 1 package (15-oz.) refrigerated marinara sauce 2 packages (10 or 14 oz. each) Italian Premade Italian Thin or Regular pizza shells 2 cups (8 oz) shredded mozzarella cheese 1 cup sliced white mushrooms 1/2 cup diced onion 1/3 cup diced red bell pepper 1/3 cup diced green bell peppers 1 1/2 cups (12-oz.) bulk Italian sausage, cooked and crumbled
PREHEAT oven to 400 degrees F.
SPREAD marinara sauce evenly over bread shells. Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Top with mushrooms, onion, peppers and cooked sausage.
BAKE for 15 to 20 minutes or until lightly browned.
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"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does. That's what makes you a winner." - Venus Williams
You might be a REDNECK if... ...the fireworks stand gives you a volume discount
THINGS TO PONDER: Why is it called a building when it's already built?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you think 6-12 lbs written on the diaper box refers to how heavy the diaper can get.
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Contacting Grandma A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandma? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, Grandma?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, Grandma?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "When did you learn to speak English?"
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The Parrot
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!" When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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IDIOTS AT WORK I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
AN IDIOT'S IDIOT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
*************************** One in Five Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho Cha Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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Lost Luggage
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?
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Kid's Eye View
The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently. After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?" Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water." One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?" A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child." A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!" A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and saw the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!" My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host - in this case, a piece of bread - he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you." We set out our creche for the holidays, and my 5-year-old daughter, Laura, was watching me put all of the figurines in it - especially baby Jesus. I explained what a manger was - that they didn't have a crib for him, so they had to lay a blanket on the hay and put him there. She thought about that for a minute, and then she looked at me and said, "Mom, did they have to use a manger for his car seat, too?" My boss' son is five years old. He attended his first funeral with his family. I saw him on Sunday and asked him what he thought of it. His answer, "She was already dead when we got there." We took our small daughter to a funeral home to view her great-grandmother, and she asked, "Why did they put Great-grandma in a jewelry box?" I took Allison to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" And she walked over and stood on his foot. My son has a pet iguana, and he took it to school to show some of the other kids. If you've ever seen an iguana, they have a large flap of skin that hangs down from their neck, and it's called dewlap. The kids were asking what it was, and he explained, and a little girl in his class said, "Oh! My grandma has one of those." I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager. One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager." He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!" I have two sons, ages 8 & 4, and they were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?" And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit." A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet." On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." "Can people predict the future with cards?" one little girl asked another. "My mother can." was the reply. "Really?" asked the girl. "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home." A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN."
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Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chick that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a "quickie." Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
The History and Origin of Halloween
Halloween as it is celebrated these days is but a pale representation of its rich and multicultural history. It is not, as some would call it, a celebration of the Devil or of Hell or of the Damned, but rather a blending of the celebrations marking the end of the growing season, a heralding of the coming of the winter months and folk traditions that told of the day when the veil between the living and the dead, ever a transparent, gossamer veil at that, would lift and ghosts and ghouls would walk among the living. From those many traditions, coming to us from the Celts, the Roman rituals and even Catholic tradition, we get the stirrings of what would eventually become Halloween. Back in the Old Days Back in the old days, or once upon a time, in the tradition of fairy tales, there were the Celtic people and their Druid priests. The Druids were believed to have the ability, among other skills, to commune with the dead. Their powers, it was rumored, were much more powerful on the day of Samhain (pronounced sow-en), which was the last day of the year in the Celtic calendar. But, before believing that the Halloween celebration came directly from Samhain, a day mistakenly attributed directly to the Wiccans rather than to the Celts, you must understand that it is a blend of Hallowmas, a celebration of Catholic origins, as well as the Roman festival called Feralia. On the day of Samhain, the Celtic people would all extinguish their home’s hearth fire. They would gather in front of a blessed bonfire and would sing, dance and listen to the stories that were told during the celebration. At the end of the evening, each person would take some of the bonfire home to relight their heart fire in hopes of ensuring good fortune to their home and family for the coming year. It is said that if your hearth fire would not light from the sacred bonfire, misfortune, even death, would befall someone in the house that very year. By the 19th century, most of the religious aspects of the Halloween celebration had dwindled away and it was mostly a secular holiday, a gathering of community with only some of the remnants of the past clinging to it like the cobwebs of a haunted house. People would still dress up in costume, but less for the original reason of confusing the dead and more for just plain entertainment and fun. Halloween Travels to the New World European immigrants brought many of their traditions and beliefs with them to the New World, even those that were sometimes frowned upon or scoffed at. Halloween itself was largely disallowed, even forbidden, but in Maryland, the tradition was not only allowed but encouraged. The people there held what they called “play parties†where they would take turns telling each other’s fortunes, dancing, singing and telling ghost stories. The children would dress in costumes and try to scare one another as well. The Irish immigrants came to the new world in great masses, fleeing from the Potato Famine that was starving them to death, and brought with them the Halloween tradition of going door to door looking for sweets and other treats. The tradition of trick or treating is still a favorite among little children today. The Witchcraft, Halloween Connection There are still many, especially among fundamentalist Christians, who believe that Halloween is nothing more than a celebration of paganism and witchcraft because of some of the traditions that are involved. It was thought that on Halloween night, a young woman could determine who her future spouse would be by staring into a mirror in a darkened room or by peeling an apple in one long strip and then casting the peel over her shoulder. Other traditions involved baking small coins and trinkets as well as a single, plain ring into a barm brack, a type of fruit cake that would be shared among the neighbors. If you got a trinket in your piece – that was your fate for the coming year, with the person who got the ring destined to wed. Counteracting Halloween While the Catholic Church bears no ill will toward the Halloween traditions and the holiday itself, there are some Christian churches who say that it encourages witchcraft and may even lead to Satanism. These churches hold “Hell Houses†meant to scare children and young adults away from the traditions and to lead them back to the church. Some of these churches even hand out pamphlets and religious tracts on Halloween night to be found when the children go through their candy. HALLOWEEN, HISTORY OF HALLOWEEN The Druids and Celts and Halloween History
The Druids and Celts and Halloween History When it comes to Druids and Celts and Halloween, there is a connection that dates back eons. Of course the tales surrounding their connection involving Halloween are deeply shrouded in mystery and lore, as the holiday itself is. While there some variations in the tales, the core of the stories remain the same.
The First Halloween or Samhain The celebrations for this holiday started in ancient, pre-Christian times as a Celtic ceremony for the dead. The holiday fell upon October 31, as it still does. It was called Samhain and marked the eve of the next season and new year. During this time period, November 1 was the beginning of the cold season, which was a time of hardship. In this era the year was divided up based on four holidays, as opposed to seasons but each division was still affiliated with a season. For this situation, the season was winter. The winter ahead promised to be cold, long and harsh. The people would get ready by relocating their livestock closer and preparing them for the cruel season ahead. The cessation of the crop cycle was at this time, with the harvests being stored for the winter. Because of the severity of this season, and the long, dark, cold spell upon the Celts, it became affiliated with death. The festival of Samhain became a time that people believed the worlds of the living and the dead could become one again, with the presence of spirits. Spirits could return to earth and be mischievous, like causing crop damage. The Celts also thought the priests, or Druids, could make forecasts with greater ease for the coming year when the un-living were around. Animal sacrifices would be made and fires lit to try to keep the souls at bay but help them see their way from the earth to the beyond. Costumes were adorned during these early festivities, usually those made from the skins and heads of dead animals. The Celts would try to make predictions for one another, gathered around the large bonfire, then returned home to start their own hearth fire back again. They would use a flame from the Samhain bonfire, believing this would help to protect themselves and their homes.
The Transformation Eventually, the holiday we know as Halloween became known this way after Christian missionaries set out to tamper with the ways the Celts practiced religion. The holiday really began to change following the Roman’s domination over most of the Celtic territory. Samhain was then combined with two Roman holidays. Samhain was declared pagan as Christianity spread, and a celebration associated with the devil and all things evil. Since Druids were priests and scholars of the practice deemed pagan, these scholarly men were seen as worshipers of evil and the Devil. Christians categorized the underworld of the Celts as tied in with Hell. Many held on strong to their core beliefs as the changes were made. First – All Souls Day was started, where the living paid homage to the dead, or souls, who had passed. This took place on November 2 of each year. All Saints Day occurred on November 1, but it was the night before All Saints Day, also known as All Hallows, that the lines between the living world and the spiritual one were blurred. This night was called All Hallows Eve, and eventually Halloween. The Celts maintained many of their beliefs and traditions involving this holiday and time of year. One change that happened was that the spirits, once viewed as simply mischievous, were considered evil. This is how the Druids and Celts and Halloween all went down in history together. The Druids and Celts and Halloween Connected to Modern Traditions Though the holiday saw many changes in both name and traditions, much of the modern day celebrations can be said to still be tied to original Samhain practices. For example, the Celts wore the hides and heads of animals as costumes during this event, and the use of costumes is still practiced today. Trick-or-treating is another example of Celt traditions that live on. Since, originally, people left food and offerings to wandering spirits to appease them, people began to use costumes of spirits to go from door to door to collect these offerings. This is what became the first true type of trick-or-treating. While customs continue to change and evolve, it is doubtful the holiday will ever transform so much that there will not be some remaining proof of the Druids and Celts and Halloween connection.
Tags: Halloween history
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
A Unique Way to Pray
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."1 Terry tells how she "was in the habit of praying very specifically for what she wanted. She told God in great detail about the kind of job, the kind of husband, the kind of life that she envisioned for herself. And Terry was frequently frustrated. But one day, Terry's friend suggested that she try a different tack. 'Give God a blank sheet of paper,' the friend suggested, 'and let God give you his list for your life.' "Not long afterwards, Terry went back to school—something she hadn't anticipated doing. And she met a wonderful new man, whom she eventually married. He didn't fit the criteria of her earlier lists, but he was everything she wanted in a husband. When Terry turned her life over to God's will, God provided for her needs in ways she couldn't have imagined."2 Another excellent way to pray is, taking off on the famous quote by JFK: "Ask not what God can do for you but rather, what can you do for God—today?"
Suggested Prayer: "Dear God, in light of all that you have done for me, what can I do for you today? Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Philippians 4:6 (NKJV).
Philippians 4:6-8 New King James Version (NKJV) 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
languid • LANG-gwid • adjective 1 : drooping or flagging from or as if from exhaustion : weak 2 : sluggish in character or disposition : listless 3 : lacking force or quickness of movement : slow
Examples: The trial proceeded at a languid pace as each attorney called up a whole roster of witnesses to testify.
"From Gadhafi to Irene, the month that ended yesterday was hardly languid: London erupted, Steve Jobs resigned and the markets returned to crisis mode. Oh, and that earthquake, huh?" -- From a post by Zachary M. Seward on the Wall Street Journal's Speakeasy blog, September 1, 2011
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The hollow winds begin to blow, The clouds look black, the glass is low; The soot falls down, the spaniels sleep, And spiders from their cobwebs peep. –Dr. Edward Jenner (1749–1823)
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Pumpkin Nutmeg Knots
1/4-ounce pack of active dry yeast 1/3 cup sugar 3/4 cup lukewarm milk 7 to 8 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1-1/2 sticks butter 1 large free-range egg, beaten slightly 2 cups fresh pumpkin puree or a 16-ounce can pumpkin puree Egg-wash made by beating 1 large egg yolk with 1 tablespoon of water
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Warm the milk and, add the yeast with 1 teaspoon of sugar for 5 minutes or until mixture becomes frothy— this will let you know the yeast is good. Mix up 7 cups of flour, freshly grated nutmeg, the salt, and remaining sugar. Blend in butter until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add the whole egg, pumpkin purée, and the yeast mixture. Now stir until the dough is combined well. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and knead. Use as much of the extra 1 cup of flour needed until the dough is no longer sticky. Knead for about 10 minutes or until the dough is smooth and elastic. Form the dough into a ball and transfer it to a well-buttered large bowl. Turn it to coat in butter. Cover with saran wrap and let rise in a warm place for 1 hour or until it doubles in size. Now turn the dough out onto a work surface, divide it into 14 pieces. Roll each piece with your palm until it measures approximately 5 inches. Fold into a knot. Place each knot onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, cover with a kitchen towel and put into a warm place. Let rise for 45 minutes or until they double again. Brush each knot with the egg-wash and bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until golden brown. Let them cool slightly and serve with plenty of butter. Enjoy! ***************************
How to Clean and Cook Pumpkin
Here are tips on how to clean a pumpkin for cooking—plus five delicious pumpkin recipes!
First, scrub the outside of the pumpkin with a vegetable brush. Cut the pumpkin in half and use a spoon to scrape out the fibers and the seeds. A serrated grapefruit spoon works great for this. Cut the pumpkin halves into smaller pieces, then place them skin side up in a shallow baking dish. Add water to just cover the bottom of the dish, and cover tightly. Bake in a 325ºF oven until the pumpkin is fork tender. The time will vary depending on the size of your pieces. Let it cool, and then either cut off the peel or scoop out the flesh. TIP: For pumpkins that you're not cooking right away, keep them cool but not quite as cool as root crops. If you have a coolish bedroom, stashing them under the bed works well. They like a temperature of about 50 to 65ºF.
TIP: Eating pumpkin pie may encourage sleepiness.
Pumpkin Spice Mix Recipe Mix the following in a jar:
1/3 cup ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon ground ginger 1 tablespoon ground nutmeg or mace 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cloves 1-1/2 teaspoons ground allspice.
For pumpkin pie, add 1 to 1-1/2 teaspoons of spice mix to your other ingredients. TIP: Sprinkle a teaspoon of pumpkin spice mix into your carved pumpkin before lighting the candle.
*************************** Pumpkins
Botanical name: Cucurbita maxima, C. moschata, C. argyrosperma
Plant type: Vegetable
USDA Hardiness Zones: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Sun exposure: Full Sun
Soil type: Any
Whether you use them for carving or cooking, pumpkins do not disappoint.
Note that pumpkins do require a lot of food and a long growing season (generally from 75 to 100 frost-free days) so be sure to check our frost charts for your area. Otherwise, they are easy to maintain if you have the space.
Planting Select a site with lots of space for the sprawling vines. If your garden space is limited, no worries! Plant pumpkins at the edge of the garden and direct vine growth across the lawn or sidewalk. The vines will only be bothersome for a few weeks. You can also grow pumpkins in big 5 to 10 gallon buckets! Or, try miniature varieties. The ideal pumpkin hill is prepared in advance with an abundance of old manure dug deep into the ground. Pumpkins are big feeders. They prefer very rich soil that is well-drained. If your growing season is short, try starting seeds indoors in peat pots 2-4 weeks before last spring frost. (If you want pumpkins for Halloween but live in a colder climate, this may be your best bet.) Harden off seedlings before transplanting outdoors. Wait to plant seeds outdoors until all danger of frost has passed, at least one week after last spring frost. Pumpkin is a very tender vegetable and the seedlings can be injured by frost. The soil must be thoroughly warmed. Optimal soil temperature for germination is 60° to 65ºF. Vine Varieties: Plant seeds one inch deep, about five feet apart. (Vines need plenty of room to spread.) Rows should be about 12 feet apart. Bush Varieties: Plant seeds one inch deep, six inches apart. Rows should be 6 feet apart.
Care Pumpkins need lots of water. Water one inch per week. Water deeply, especially during fruit set. When watering: Try to keep foliage and fruit dry unless it’s a sunny day. Dampness will make rot more likely. Fertilize when plants are about one foot tall, just before vines begin to run. A regular treatment of manure or compost mixed with water will sustain good growth. Fertilize on a regular basis. Use a high nitrogen formula in early plant growth. Switch over to a fertilizer high in Phosphorous just before the blooming period. Most small vine varieties can be trained up a trellis. Larger varieties can be trained upward on a trellis, too—though it is an engineering challenge to support the fruit—usually with netting or old stockings. Occasionally, pollination is an issue. Bees are essential for pollination, so be mindful when using insecticides to kill pests. Remember that pumpkins are tender from planting to harvest. Control weeds with mulch. Do not overcultivate, or their very shallow roots may be damaged. Pumpkin vines, though obstinate, are very delicate. Take care not to damage vines, which reduces the quality of fruit. Pruning the vines may help with space as well as allow the plant's energy to be concentrated on the remaining vines and fruit. Gardeners who are looking for a "prize for size" pumpkin might select the two or three prime candidates and remove all other fruit and vines. As the fruit develops, they should be turned (with great care not to hurt the vine or stem) to encourage an even shape. Slip a thin board or a piece of plastic mesh under the pumpkins. Pests Aphids Squash Bugs Powdery Mildew Anthracnose Poor light, too much fertilizer, poor weather at bloom time, and reduced pollinating insect activity can reduce fruit set.
Harvest/Storage Your best bet is to harvest pumpkins when they are mature. They will keep best this way. Do not pick pumpkins off the vine because they have reached your desired size. If you want small pumpkins, buy a small variety. Cut fruit off the vine, do not tear. Be sure not to cut too close to the pumpkin; a liberal amount of stem will increase the pumpkin's keeping time. Pumpkins should be cured in the sun for about a week to toughen the skin and then stored in a cool bedroom or cellar—anywhere around 55ºF. If you get a lot of vines and flowers but no pumpkins, you need more bees in your garden to pollinate the flowers. Grow some colorful flowers next to your pumpkin patch this year and you may get more bees and butterflies!
Recommended Varieties ‘Jack Be Little’ miniature pumpkin variety, perfect for a holiday table. Vine variety. Days to maturity 90 to 100 days. ‘Autumn Gold’ great for carving, decorating. All-America Selection winner. Vine variety. Excellent for Jack-o-Lanterns. Days to maturity are generally 100 to 120 days. ‘Sugar Treat’ semi-bush hybrid. Ideal for cooking and baking. Days to maturity are generally 100 to 120 days. ‘Dill’s Atlantic Giant’ jumbo variety can grow to 200 pounds. Great for those who want to grow a giant pumpkin. Vine will spread to 25 feet, so space is a must. Days to maturity are 130 to 160 days.
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Pumpkin Whoopie Pies
Yield: 6 pies Preparation Time: 20 Start to Finish Time: 40
For the cakes: 1 stick unsalted butter at room temperature 1 cup firmly packed light-brown sugar 2 large eggs, room temperature, lightly beaten 1 cup canned pure pumpkin purée 2 teaspoons cinnamon 2 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 3/4 teaspoon table salt 1-2/3 cups all-purpose flour
Preheat oven to 350°. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. In the bowl of a standing mixer with whisk attachment, mix together butter and brown sugar until smooth. Add eggs, pumpkin purée, spices, vanilla, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Using a spatula, fold in flour. With an ice-cream scoop, drop 6 generous mounds of batter, spaced evenly, onto each of two baking sheets. Bake until springy to the touch, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a rack to cool completely For the filling: 8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature 1/2 stick unsalted butter, softened 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 tablespoons maple syrup 3/4 cup powdered sugar 1/8 teaspoon table salt In the bowl of a standing mixer or with an electric beater, cream together cream cheese and butter. Add vanilla, maple syrup, powdered sugar, and salt.
Mix on low speed until blended; then beat on medium-high speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Spread the flat sides of 6 cakes with cream-cheese frosting. Top each with another cake.
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Pumpkin Harvest Soup
1 pound boneless chicken breasts 1 15-ounce can chicken broth 1 15-ounce can pumpkin 1 can great northern beans drained 3 medium-size carrots, chopped 3 stalks celery, chopped 1 medium onion, chopped 1 tablespoon minced garlic 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 teaspoon nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon white pepper Salt Optional: sour cream
Cut chicken in bite size pieces. In large pan cook chicken in 1 tablespoon olive oil until no longer pink. Add celery carrots onion and garlic. Saute until vegetables are tender. Add chicken broth, pumpkin, beans, nutmeg, white pepper and 1 teaspoon salt. Simmer on low 30 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Optional: top with sour cream before serving. *************************** Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady whoanswered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 'Don't worry,' Jack said.. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend... He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do youremember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." Said Bob..
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, I have to admit that I did.."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry,buddy.. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!) ***************************
Jim and I have been married for two years now and we have not yet had our first husband-wife argument.
If we have a difference of any kind, and I am right, Jim nods and accepts my opinion. But what if he's right? That has not happened yet.
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Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question? Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
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A monster and a zombie went into a funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster. 'Certainly ma'am,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring her with you.'
*************************** 10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...
1. So...What'd you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.
8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.
6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.
4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.
1. If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more!
Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men
1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.
3. One usually makes a better pie.
4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!
5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.
6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.
7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.
8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.
Question: Why don't witches ever have babies? Answer: Warlocks have hollow weenies.
Question: Why can't Witches have babies? Answer: Because their husbands have crystal balls
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
HOW I LOVE YOUR LAW! Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts. I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts, therefore I hate every wrong path. Psalm 119:97-104, NIV
Tell those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone. But their trust should be in the living God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. 18Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them. 19By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may take hold of real life. I Timothy 6:17-19/
VERSES FROM EZEKIEL:
21 Again a message came to me from the Lord: 22 “Son of man, you’ve heard that proverb they quote in Israel: ‘Time passes, and prophecies come to nothing.’ 23 Tell the people, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will put an end to this proverb, and you will soon stop quoting it.’ Now give them this new proverb to replace the old one: ‘The time has come for every prophecy to be fulfilled!’ 24 “There will be no more false visions and flattering predictions in Israel. 25 For I am the Lord! If I say it, it will happen. There will be no more delays, you rebels of Israel. I will fulfill my threat of destruction in your own lifetime. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!†26 Then this message came to me from the Lord: 27 “Son of man, the people of Israel are saying, ‘He’s talking about the distant future. His visions won’t come true for a long, long time.’ 28 Therefore, tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: No more delay! I will now do everything I have threatened. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken!’â€
*************************** WORD FOR THE DAY:
bildungsroman • BIL-doonks-roh-mahn • noun : a novel about the moral and psychological growth of the main character
Examples: While the author’s previous novel was a bildungsroman, her most recent book focuses on trials and tribulations of a family through multiple generations.
"Jonathan Safran Foer's exuberant, wildly stylized novel 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' (2005) incorporates intertextuality, meta-fiction and a young boy’s spiritual education -- what we English major folks call 'bildungsroman' -- in reconciling national trauma." -- From a review by Ryan Lattanzio in The Daily Californian, September 8, 2011
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Healthy Dog Teeth
Keeping your dog's teeth clean can help keep your dog healthy. Use a soft toothbrush. Start by offering your dog a taste of the dog toothpaste. The next time, let him taste the toothpaste, then run your finger along the gums of the upper teeth. Repeat the process with the tooth brush. Get the bristles of the brush along the gum line of the upper back teeth and angle slightly up, so the bristles get under the gum line. Work from back to front, making small circles along the gum lines. It should take you less than 30 seconds to brush your pet's teeth. Do not try to brush the entire mouth at first. If all that your pet lets you brush is the outside of the upper teeth, you are still addressing the most important area of periodontal disease - prevention.
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I’VE LEARNED...... A sharp tongue can cut your own throat. *****************************
“WE CAN TYPE!â€
Pastor Cecil A. Thompson, October 21, 2010
Psalm 15:1-3, “Lord, who shall abide in Thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in Thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor.†Years ago I happened upon a book that had an impact on my life — “Miracle In Moscow†by David Benson. David was a businessman who made many trips to Russia during the days when the Soviet government fought against true believers of Jesus Christ. They made it a criminal offense to possess a copy of the Bible. In this godless atmosphere, neighbors reported any sort of activity that the police could investigate for violations. Many home church groups owned only a few copies of the Word and cherished it beyond measure. In one small group there was a precious old couple. Both were terribly crippled with arthritis and felt they had nothing they could do for the Lord. They owned an old manual typewriter on which they typed pages of Scripture to be passed along to believers. They knew if it was used in a normal fashion, the neighbors in the apartment next to them would report the suspicious activity to the police. Because of their handicapped condition, the wife could strike one letter at a time so slowly that it did not sound like typing to prying ears next door. The husband assisted by inserting blank paper into the roller and removing the typed pages. Many portions of Scripture were created in this manner. God’s Word reached hearts that were eager to hear. As I read the words that David wrote, I wondered if I had as much love for the Word. I had to confess that I did not and could only pray that God would forgive my indifference and give me a love like I had never had before. How eager are you to search out and discover God’s Word?
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Cinnamon Love Knots
Yield: 3 Dozen
INGREDIENTS 2 packages (1/4 ounce each) active dry yeast 1/2 cup warm water (110-115 degrees F) 1/2 cup warm milk (110-115 degrees F) 1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened 1/2 cup sugar 2 eggs, beaten 1 teaspoon salt 4 1/2 to 5 cups all-purpose flour
For the Topping: 2 cups sugar 2 tablespoons ground cinnamon 3/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
DIRECTIONS In a large mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in water. Let stand for 5 minutes. Add milk, butter, sugar, eggs and salt. Stir in enough flour to form a stiff dough. Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes. Place in a greased bowl, turning once to grease top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 1/2 hours. Punch dough down; divide into three portions. Cover two with plastic wrap. Shape one portion into 12 balls. Roll each ball into an 8-in. rope. Combine sugar and cinnamon. Dip rope into melted butter, then coat with cinnamon-sugar. Tie into a knot. Tuck and pinch ends under and place on ungreased baking sheets. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes. Bake at 375 degrees F for 12-14 minutes or until golden brown.
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Baked Apple-Cinnamon French Toast Active Time: 25 Minutes Total Time: 9 Hours 30 Minutes
Yield: 12 servings This apple-cinnamon French toast is quick to assemble, but the best part about it is that you can make it the night before then finish in it the oven the next morning. Make Ahead Tip: Prepare through Step 3 and refrigerate for up to 1 day.
INGREDIENTS 3 cups nonfat milk 2 cups pasteurized liquid egg whites, such as egg Beaters 3 tablespoons honey 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 1-pound loaf sliced whole-wheat bread 1 cup chopped dried apple rings (3 ounces) 1/2 cup raisins 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar DIRECTIONS Whisk milk, egg whites, honey, vanilla and salt in a large bowl. Trim crusts off 8 bread slices and set aside. Cut the crusts and the remaining bread into 1-inch pieces. Toss the cut bread with dried apples, raisins, cinnamon and nutmeg in a large bowl. Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Transfer the bread mixture to the pan. Lay the reserved crustless slices evenly over the top of the casserole, trimming to fit. Whisk the milk mixture one more time, then pour evenly over the bread. Press the bread down with the back of a wooden spoon, making sure it’s evenly moist. Cover with parchment paper, then foil, and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or up to 24 hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake the casserole, covered, for 40 minutes. Uncover and continue baking until puffed, set and lightly browned, about 20 minutes more. Let stand for 10 minutes; dust with confectioners’ sugar and serve.
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Cinnamon Rolls
Active Time: 20 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour 55 Minutes Yield: Makes 20 to 24 rolls
No one can resist warm, sweet cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven and drizzled with icing. Make and shape the rolls the night before and wake your family up to a special breakfast treat.
INGREDIENTS For the Basic Sweet Dough: 4 - 4 1/3 cups all-purpose flour 1 package active dry yeast 1 cup milk 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup butter or margarine 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 eggs
For the Rolls: 3 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted 1 1/2 cup granulated sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinamon 3/4 cup raisins (optional)
For the Icing: 1 cup sifted powdered sugar 1/4 teaspoon vanilla 3-4 teaspoons milk or orange juice
DIRECTIONS FOR THE BASIC SWEET DOUGH: In a large mixing bowl combine 1 1/2 cups of the flour and the yeast; set aside. In a saucepan heat and stir milk, sugar, butter or margarine, and salt till mixture is warm (120 to 130 degrees F) and butter or margarine is almost melted. Add to flour mixture along with eggs. Beat with an electric mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, scraping bowl constantly. Beat on high speed for 3 minutes. Using a wooden spoon, stir in as much of the remaining flour as you can.
FOR THE ROLLS: Prepare basic sweet dough and let rise once. Punch dough down. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide dough in half. Cover and let rest for 10 minutes. Roll each half into a 12-by-8-inch rectangle. Brush with melted butter or margarine. In a small mixing bowl stir together granulated sugar and cinnamon; sprinkle onto dough. If desired, sprinkle with raisins. Roll up each rectangle, jelly-roll style, starting from one of the long sides. Pinch seams to seal. Cut each roll into 10 to 12 slices. Place slices, cut-side down, in single layers in two greased 9-by-12-inch round cake pans. Cover and let rise in a warm place till nearly double (about 30 minutes). (Or, cover with oiled waxed paper, then with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 2 to 24 hours.) If dough is chilled, let stand, covered, for 20 minutes at room temperature. Puncture any surface bubbles with a greased wooden toothpick. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or till golden brown. Cool slightly. Transfer to a large platter.
FOR THE ICING: In a small mixing bowl stir together powdered sugar and vanilla. Stir in enough milk or orange juice to make a smooth icing of spreading consistency. Spread over rolls. Serve warm or cool.
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Breakfast Raisin Bread Pudding Active Time: 15 Minutes Total Time: 1 Hour
Divine served alongside bacon or breakfast sausage.
INGREDIENTS
2 LOAVES STALE RAISIN BREAD PINT HALF & HALF PINT HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM 10 LARGE EGGS BEATEN 2 TBLSPNS VANILLA EXRACT SYRUP(HEATED) DIRECTIONS PREHEAT OVEN TO 375. IN A LARGE BOWL WHISK TOGETHER EGGS, CREAM, HALF & HALF, AND VANILLA. CUT OR TEAR BREAD INTO LARGE PIECES. SPRAY A 9X13 PAN AND PLACE BREAD PIECES. SLOWLY POUR EGG MIXTURE OVER BREAD. BAKE FOR 1 HOUR OR UNTIL SET. (IT WILL LOOK LIKE BREAD PUDDING) HEAT SYRUP AND SERVE. YOU CAN ALSO SERVE THIS WITH BACON OR SAUSAGE.
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Cranberry Orange Scones
Yield: 10 Scones
INGREDIENTS For the Scones: 2 cups all-purpose flour 10 teaspoons sugar, divided 1 tablespoon grated orange peel 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/3 cup cold butter or margarine 1 cup dried cranberries 1/4 cup orange juice 1/4 cup half-and-half cream 1 egg 1 tablespoon milk
For the Glaze: 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar 1 tablespoon orange juice For the Orange Butter: 1/2 cup butter, softened 2 to 3 tablespoons orange marmalade
DIRECTIONS In a bowl, combine flour, 7 teaspoons sugar, orange peel, baking powder, salt and baking soda. Cut in butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs; set aside. In a small bowl, combine cranberries, orange juice, cream and egg. Add to flour mixture and stir until a soft dough forms. On a floured surface, gently knead 6-8 times. Pat dough into an 8-in. circle. Cut into 10 wedges. Separate wedges and place on an ungreased baking sheet. Brush with milk; sprinkle with remaining sugar. Bake at 400 degrees F for 12-15 minutes or until lightly browned. Combine glaze ingredients; drizzle over scones. Combine orange butter ingredients; serve with warm scones.
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Pull-apart Honey Pecan Coffeecake Active Time: 35 Minutes Total Time: 14 Hours 45 Minutes Yield: Serves 8
With the use of the dough hook, the ingredients are quickly put together for an overnight rise. A little assembly in the morning is rewarded with a wonderfully sticky, pull-apart bread.
INGREDIENTS For the Dough: 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter 1 cup whole milk 1/3 cup lukewarm water (105 to 115 degrees F) One 1/4-ounce package dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons) 1/3 cup sugar 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon salt 4 1/4 cups (or more) all-purpose flour
For the Coffeecake: Nonstick vegetable oil cooking spray 1 cup toasted chopped pecans
1 1/4 cups firmly packed golden brown sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, melted 5 tablespoons honey DIRECTIONS FOR THE DOUGH: Melt butter in heavy small saucepan over medium-low heat. Remove from heat; add milk. Let mixture stand until cooled to at least 110 degrees F. Meanwhile, combine water and yeast in large bowl of heavy-duty stand mixer; let stand until yeast dissolves, about 5 minutes. Add milk mixture, sugar, eggs and salt. Using dough hook, mix on high speed until eggs are blended. Gradually mix in 4 1/4 cups flour. Continue kneading on medium speed until dough is smooth and pulls away from sides of bowl, adding more flour if necessary, about 5 minutes. Remove dough from bowl; form into ball. Sprinkle some flour into bottom of mixing bowl; return dough to bowl. Cover and chill overnight.
FOR THE COFFEECAKE: Spray 10-inch-diameter angel food cake pan with nonstick spray. Sprinkle pecans evenly over bottom of pan. Punch dough down. Roll out dough on lightly floured work surface to 10-inch square. Cut dough into five 2-inch-wide strips. Cut each strip into five 2-inch squares, creating 25 pieces total. Combine brown sugar and cinnamon in medium bowl. Dip each dough piece into melted butter, then into brown sugar mixture, coating each piece evenly. Transfer each piece to waxed paper-lined baking sheet. Combine all remaining melted butter (about 2 tablespoons) with all remaining brown sugar mixture (2 to 3 tablespoons). Stir 3 tablespoons honey into brown sugar mixture. Pour honey mixture evenly over pecans in pan. Arrange dough pieces atop pecans, spacing evenly and creating two layers. Drizzle dough with remaining 3 tablespoons honey. Let rise in warm draft-free area until almost doubled, about 1 hour 15 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Bake coffeecake until golden brown, about 55 minutes. Cool on rack 10 minutes. Turn coffeecake out onto platter. Serve warm or at room temperature.
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Halloween Mud Pie
16 Oreo cookies or chocolate graham crackers 4 tbsp. butter, melted 1 pint ice cream 5 to 10 gummy worms 1 cup fudge sauce Whipped cream,optional
1.Put cookies in a plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin. Empty into a bowl and stir in the melted butter. Press the mixture into a 9 inch pie plate to form a shell and freeze for 20 minutes.
2.Meanwhile,soften the ice cream slightly. Drop in a few gummy worms (that's the Halloween part) and spoon into the pie shell. Top with a thick layer of fudge sauce and freeze for at least 1 hour before serving with optional whipped cream. Makes 8 servings.
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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Lemon Squeeze
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
Looks of Disappointment
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute..' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'
She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'
The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'
Brothel Trip
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
Senility
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'
Marriage Humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------------------------------- Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------ Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Praying for a Life Partner, Etc.
"If we ask anything according to God's will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the request which we have asked from him."1 "Please help me," a Daily Encounter reader asks. "Is it okay to ask God to send me a special someone/companion to share my life? And how will I know that God has sent this person?" You can ask God for every desire of your heart as long as it is in harmony with his will. He hears all sincere prayers and answers them—not always in the way we want them to be answered, but always in the way that is best for us. However, to be attracted to and find a healthy, mature adult we need to be a healthy mature adult our self. So the key is learning to pray the right prayer; rather than asking God to send you or lead you to the right partner, you need to ask God first and foremost to help you become the right partner. The fact is that only healthy, happy, mature people find healthy, happy, and mature partners. If an immature, unhealthy, self-centered person asks God for a life partner, will God lead them to a healthy and mature person? Not likely. And yet I see people expecting God to do this sort of thing all the time. In our Western culture at least, romantically we are basically attracted to a partner where our neuroses (unresolved personal issues) mesh and we call it love or falling in love. Often it's pure passion and/or need. This can lead to real love, but the problem with falling in love is that once the passion subsides, if we don't have anything deeper, instead of growing in love we'll fall out of love. So the important way to pray is to ask God to help you grow in maturity and that he will then lead you to a healthy, mature person. Furthermore, to grow in maturity takes strong commitment and hard work on our part. There's no such thing as instant maturity. And how will you know this person you want to marry is God's choice? First, realize that the choice is yours. God will give you wisdom and direction if you truly want it, but he won't make your choices for you. That's your responsibility because God isn't codependent. And how will you know this person and you are right or best for each other? To discover this I urge couples to seek not only God's direction in prayer, but also wise competent Christian counseling where, besides intense counseling, both partners are given psychological tests before they ever say, "I do." This is using your head as well as your heart in one of life's most important and critical decisions.
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please lead me by your Holy Spirit to see any areas of immaturity in my life that I need to resolve. Help me to find the help I need to overcome any such issues. And then please give me wisdom and direction in finding a healthy and mature life partner (and/or good friends). Furthermore, teach me to always pray the right prayers, ones that are based on truth and reality, and are in harmony with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1 John 5:14-15 New International Version (NIV) 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
John 3:20-21 “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.â€
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
factitious • fak-TISH-us • adjective 1 : produced by humans rather than by natural forces 2 : not natural or genuine : artificial
Examples: Terry had the distinct feeling that her host's British accent was factitious -- part of an act designed to distance him even further from those around him.
"The energy generated here often feels factitious, all show (or show and tell) and little substance." -- From a theater review by Ben Brantley in the New York Times, April 28, 2011
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God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
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I’VE LEARNED...... I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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“YOUR WILL BE DONE!â€
Pastor Cecil A. Thompson, July 13, 2011 Mathew 6:10, “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.’ †The words you read in today’s Scripture are the first words of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples to pray and which has come to be known to us as “The Lord’s Prayer.†Notice that the last sentence reads, “Your will be done †All too often we are prone to pray as if God should cause “our will to be done.†Can I let you in on a little secret? God knows what He is doing! He does not need us to whisper in His ear something that we think He needs to know. After Saul had been blinded on the road to Damascus where he was heading to persecute the believers, the Lord called a man by the name of Ananias to go and lay hands on him to restore his sight. Ananias tried to inform God about how evil this man was. God did not need information, He needed obedience. It is easy to fall into the dangerous business of wanting our own way instead of seeking to discover God’s way. Let’s face it, we can hardly remember what happened yesterday much less what is going to happen later today or in the days to come. It is so much better to lay things out before our all loving and all powerful God and ask that His will be done in our life. It is not easy doing this when our life or the life of a loved one is in the balance. It is not easy yielding to His will when finances are near zero. It is not easy bowing and saying yes when every fiber of our being is screaming no! But we will never know true peace until we utter those words, “Your will be done!â€
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WHAT DO YOU RELY ON?
“For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you.†-Psalm 71:5-6 What do you rely on to give you confidence? Your skills, your degrees, your accomplishments? What about when you sense a call to do a task for which you feel unqualified? Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Who am I to ______ [lead this group, start this ministry, supervise these employees, organize this fundraiser, teach these children . . .]?†Have you ever thought, “You picked the wrong person for this job, Lord� If we rely on ourselves, we will not be qualified for that which God calls us. In fact, throughout Scripture we see that God often chose people who felt unqualified for the tasks God laid before them: Abraham, Sarah, Moses, David, Esther and Mary all felt unequal to the task. But if God can use a roaming Bedouin to birth a nation, a stuttering speaker to confront Egypt’s pharaoh, a shepherd boy to lead a nation, an exiled Jewish girl to rescue her people and a timid teenager to bear the Son of God, then God can use us! The critical question isn’t, “Can I do this?†The better question is, “Can God do this through me?†The answer is a resounding “Yes!†When the psalmist asked God to be a refuge and rescuer in Psalm 71, he boldly proclaimed his dependence upon the Sovereign Lord. The psalmist knew that every breath he had taken had occurred because God had given it. Throughout his lifetime he had been dependent on God. When we feel weak-kneed and lack confidence, we are most open to relying on God. The Bible gives us affirmation after affirmation of God’s strength in the face of our limited ability: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength†(Philippians 4:13). “Nothing is impossible with God†(Luke 1:37). “Nothing is too hard for [the Lord]†(Jeremiah 32:17). “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us†(Romans 8:37). “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness†(2 Corinthians 12:9). Nothing silences the voice of timidity as powerfully as the voice of Scripture. So if you find yourself in a new situation today, make sure you don’t rely on your own limited talents or skills, but that you place your unshakable confidence in the limitless God.
Reflection: On what or on whom do you tend to rely when feeling out of your comfort zone? Is there an area in your life in which God might be calling you to move out in faith? What fears do you have about that situation? How does the psalmist’s reliance on God in Psalm 71 encourage you and renew your confidence in God’s ability to help you?
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Hearty Chicken Pot Pie
package (16 ounces) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed 1 cup cut-up cooked chicken 1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup 1 cup Original Bisquick mix 1/2 cup milk 1 egg
1 Heat oven to 400ºF. Mix vegetables, chicken and soup in ungreased 2-quart casserole. 2 Stir remaining ingredients in small bowl with fork until blended. Pour into casserole. 3 Bake 30 minutes or until golden brown.
If desired, stir in 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, dried sage leaves or pepper. Use condensed cream of mushroom soup or condensed cheese soup instead of the chicken soup to give this dish a whole new taste! For Hearty Beef Pot Pie, use 1 cup cut-up cooked leftover or deli roast beef instead of the chicken and condensed cream of mushroom soup instead of cream of chicken.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 225 (Calories from Fat 80 ),Total Fat 9 g(Saturated Fat 3 g,Cholesterol 60 mg;Sodium 710 mg;Total Carbohydrate 27 g(Dietary Fiber 4 g,Protein 13 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 70.00%;Vitamin C 2.00%;Calcium 8.00%;Iron 10.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;2 Vegetable;1 High-Fat Meat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Peanut Butter-Ganache Bars
PREP TIME 30 min TOTAL TIME 2 hr 30 min SERVINGS 12
Crust 1 box Betty Crocker SuperMoist devils food cake mix 1/3 cup butter 1 egg
Filling 3/4 cup butter, softened 3/4 cup peanut butter 1 teaspoon vanilla 3 cups powdered sugar (about l lb) 2 tablespoons milk 3/4 cup honey-roasted peanuts, chopped, if desired
Ganache 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (6 oz) 1 cup milk chocolate chips (6 oz) 1/2 cup whipping cream
1 Heat oven to 350°F. In medium bowl, mix crust ingredients; press in bottom of ungreased 13x9-inch pan. Bake 12 minutes. Cool completely, about 30 minutes. 2 In large bowl, mix all filling ingredients except peanuts until smooth and well blended. Stir in peanuts. Spread and pat filling evenly over cooled crust. 3 In medium microwavable bowl, microwave ganache ingredients on High 1 minute. Stir with whisk; microwave about 30 seconds longer. Stir again until mixture is smooth. Spread ganache over filling. Let stand at room temperature until set and completely cooled, 2 to 3 hours. Cut into 4 rows by 3 rows.
Expert Tips A layer of parchment paper on the bottom of your pan is a great way to keep these bars looking great. It makes removing your bars from the pan super simple, and clean up is even easier! Love chocolate? Try swapping the peanut butter for hazelnut spread with cocoa. Delicious!
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Better-Than-Almost-Anything Cake
The combination of rich ingredients produces a decadent, caramel-soaked cake that's sure to be a hit!
PREP TIME 10 min TOTAL TIME 3 hr 3 min SERVINGS 15
1box Betty Crocker SuperMoist German chocolate cake mix Water, vegetable oil and eggs called for on cake mix box 1can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk 1jar (16 to 17 oz) caramel, butterscotch or fudge topping 1container (8 oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed 1bag (8 oz) toffee chips or bits
1Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Make and bake cake as directed on box for 13x9-inch pan. Cool 15 minutes. 2Poke top of warm cake every 1/2 inch with handle end of wooden spoon. Drizzle condensed milk evenly over top of cake; let stand until milk has been absorbed into cake. Drizzle with caramel topping. Run knife around sides of pan to loosen cake. Cover and refrigerate about 2 hours or until chilled. 3Spread whipped topping over top of cake. Sprinkle with toffee bits. Store covered in refrigerator.
Expert Tips The cake may stick to the wooden spoon handle while you’re using it to make the holes, so occasionally wipe off the handle. The caramel topping will be easier to drizzle if it has been kept at room temperature. If refrigerated, spoon caramel into microwavable bowl; microwave uncovered on High about 15 seconds. Instead of the toffee bits or chips, coarsely chop 5 bars (1.4 oz each) chocolate-covered English toffee candy, and sprinkle on top of the cake.
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Slow Cooker Buffalo Chicken Chili
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 8 hr 15 min SERVINGS 6
2 1/2 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 large onion, chopped (about 1 cup) 2 medium stalks celery, sliced (about 1 cup) 2 medium carrots, chopped (about 1 cup) 1 can (28 oz) Muir Glen® organic diced tomatoes, undrained 1 can (15 oz) Progresso® black beans, drained, rinsed 1 cup Progresso® chicken broth (from 32-oz carton) 2 teaspoons chili powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup buffalo wing sauce (from 12-oz jar) Crumbled blue cheese, if desired
1 Spray 5- to 6-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. In cooker, mix all ingredients except buffalo wing sauce and cheese. 2 Cover; cook on Low heat setting 8 to 10 hours. 3 Stir in buffalo wing sauce. Serve sprinkled with blue cheese.
Expert Tips If you don't have buffalo wing sauce, you can use a mixture of 1/2 teaspoon red pepper sauce and 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper (cayenne). If you choose not to serve this soup sprinkled with blue cheese, complete this meal with a tossed green salad topped with blue cheese dressing!
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 430(Calories from Fat 140),Total Fat 16g(Saturated Fat 5g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 115mg;Sodium 920mg;Total Carbohydrate 27g(Dietary Fiber 9g,Sugars 6g),Protein 46g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 80.00%;Vitamin C 15.00%;Calcium 15.00%;Iron 35.00%;Exchanges:1 Starch;0 Fruit;1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;1 Vegetable;6 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet
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Apple Streusel Cheesecake Bars
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 3 hr 40 min SERVINGS 24
1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker oatmeal cookie mix 1/2 cup firm butter or margarine 2 packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup sugar 2 tablespoons Gold Medal all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 egg 1 can (21 oz) apple pie filling 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. 2 Place cookie mix in large bowl. With pastry blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture is crumbly and coarse. Reserve 1 1/2 cups crumb mixture; press remaining crumbs in bottom of pan. Bake 10 minutes. 3 Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, flour, vanilla and egg with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. 4 Spread cream cheese mixture evenly over partially baked crust. In medium bowl, mix pie filling and cinnamon. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle reserved crumbs over top. Sprinkle with walnuts. 5 Bake 35 to 40 minutes longer or until light golden brown. Cool about 30 minutes. Refrigerate to chill, about 2 hours. For bars, cut into 6 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.
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A visitor in the South complained bitterly concerning the plague of mosquitoes. An aged negro who listened respectfully explained a method by which the pests might be endured. But this was in the days before prohibition.
"My old Marse George, suh, he done managed them animiles sholy splendiferous. Always when he come home nights, he so completely intoxicated he don't care a cuss foh all the skeeters in the hull creation. In the mawnin, when Marse George done git up, the skeeters so completely intoxicated they don't care a cuss foh Marse George, ner nobody!"
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A party of Manila army women were returning in an auto from a suburban excursion when the driver unfortunately collided with another vehicle. While a policeman was taking down the names of those concerned an "English-speaking" Filipino law-student politely asked one of the ladies how the accident had happened.
"I'm sure I don't know," she replied; "I was asleep when it occurred."
Proud of his knowledge of the Anglo-Saxon tongue, the youth replied:
"Ah, madam, then you will be able to prove a lullaby."
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A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?" "Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." "Just because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet.
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A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
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Low on gas while on a vacation trip to Las Vegas, I pulled my van into a service station. As I was turning in, I spied lying on the ground a gas cap that looked like it might replace my missing one. I hurriedly parked by the pump, jumped out of the van, ran over and picked up the cap. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it screwed easily onto my tank. A perfect fit, I thought. And then I noticed the keyhole in the top of the cap.
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What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."
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How to Slow the Ford Taurus Down So The Non-Gordon Drivers can compete.
Note... I have added a Top Ten to this. I picked my Personal Top Ten from the list below and here they are :
1 Put Earnhardt in One Compliments of Jack Morgan 2 Ford drivers must 'Tongue-Kiss' Dave Marcis after each win. 3 Fords are to replace engines with Flintstone type propulsion. However, drivers may wear shoes. Compliments of MY WIFE DEBBIE 4 All Ford drivers must undergo a years training at the 'Robert Pressley School of Driving'. 5 New Ford Racing Car Template "The Pinto" 6 Fords must pull Trailers. Not Car Trailers. Each Week a lucky fan gets his Mobile Home pulled around the speedway by his favorite Ford Driver. "Go Rusty!! And Bob's 14X70!!" 7 Sell all Fords to Felix Sebates Compliments of Jack Morgan 8 Make them Chevys drive like them cars in "Days of Thunder" 9 All Fords are to be painted black with big 3's on the side Compliments of Greg Royce 10 Paint "Darrell Waltrip" On the roof of every Taurus Compliments of Larry Murdock
The Original List in order of submission
1 Only running on 3 wheels 2 V6 Engines 3 Ford Drivers must get out and change their own tires and pump their own Gas 4 New Ford Racing Car Template "The Pinto" 5 All Ford drivers must undergo a years training at the 'Robert Pressley School of Driving'. 6 One gear ---- Reverse 7 Ford Drivers have a two drink minimum 8 Chevys get a 3 lap head start 9 3 gallon gas tanks 10 No Spoiler 11 On last lap, Fords have to get out and Pull their car across the finish line 12 Ford Drivers must get out after first pit stop and allow their grandmothers to drive the next 50 laps. 13 Cars qualify in order of Manufacturers --- alphabetically 14 Put Earnhardt in One Compliments of Jack Morgan 15 Ford drivers must 'Tongue-Kiss' Dave Marcis after each win. 16 Put Gordon in Every Ford, he cant win as easily while administering blowjobs under the dash. Compliments of Jack Morgan 17 Sell all Fords to Felix Sebates Compliments of Jack Morgan 18 Replace all Ford Drivers with Expert Nascar 2 Computer game Drivers 19 Ford drivers must drive with their teeth instead of the way the normally steer.... with their penis. Compliments of Jack Morgan 20 Make them Chevys drive like them cars in "Days of Thunder" 21 Change the nameplate on the Taurus to 'Grand Prix' Compliments of Jack Morgan 22 The Kenny Irwin 'Get the one of the best Cars in Nascar and Not get it up to speed' School of Driving. Compliments of Jack Morgan 23 Every time they pit they have a mandatory carb change Compliments of Jack Morgan 24 Ken Squier as the new Head of Racing Products Compliments of Jack Morgan 25 Earnhardt takes over Gary Nelsons job Compliments of Jack Morgan 26 Chevy cars allowed 2 Regulation 30mm cannons front and back for those close finishes. 27 All Ford drivers required to drink 5 gallons of Hawaiian Punch prior to race. Bathroom stops must be made under green flag racing. 28 Clone the Bodines and Michael Waltrip to replace all the Ford drivers. Compliments of Bryan Young 29 Fords must use go-kart tires. Compliments of Bryan Young 30 Ford Crews must perform Chinese fire drill during all pit stops. Compliments of Bryan Young 31 Only 1 man over the wall on Ford pit stops (catch can guy). Compliments of Bryan Young 32 Paint "Darrell Waltrip" On the roof of every Taurus Compliments of Larry Murdock 33 Fords must pull Trailers. Not Car Trailers. Each Week a lucky fan gets his Mobile Home pulled around the speedway. Go Rusty!! And Bob's 14X70!! 34 More John Andrettis. Less Mark Martins and Dale Jarretts. 35 Put a SB2 engine in them. 36 New NASCAR spec: All Fords must use engine made by TORO. Compliments of Paul Di Gianfrancesco 37 All Fords must go to 7-11 across street form racetrack for mandatory refueling and drinks and bathroom break during every green flag lap. Compliments of Paul Di Gianfrancesco 38 All Fords must use "Edsel" body design in future races. Compliments of Paul Di Gianfrancesco 39 Fords are to replace engines with Flintstone type propulsion. However, drivers may wear shoes. Compliments of MY WIFE DEBBIE 40 Every Ford team has to let Todd Bodine qualify their car. Compliments of Larry Murdock 41 Ford teams only allowed one set of tires per race weekend. Compliments of Larry Murdock 42 Ford drivers must drive using a Teflon/Silverstone coated steering wheel and gloves soaked in Slick 50, Dura-Lube, and Valvoline. Compliments of Bryan Young 43 Hoosier Tire returns to NASCAR, all Fords required to run them. Compliments of Greg Royce 44 Fords not allowed to run any glass in the windows. Compliments of Greg Royce 45 All Fords painted black with big 3's on the side Compliments of Greg Royce 46 New front windshield angle-90 degrees. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 47 Restrictor plates with no holes. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 48 Goodyear to provide square wheels for the Fords. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 49 Roof flaps to face the other way. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 50 Taurus replaced by Horse and Buggy. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 51 Opaque windows. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 52 New fuel additive-sugar. Compliments of Deb Rudolph 53 All Fords must remove the rear spoiler and flatten the right front tire prior to the green flag. Compliments of Anthony Blackwell 54 Fan Day at the Racetrack! Where the fans get to drive the Fords! 55 Cops patrol the Racetrack. And since the Fords wil be the only ones speeding (over 65), they will get the tickets.
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"My Spirit supplies the wisdom and the strength for your journey. Know I have prepared the way." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Lines of Faith
Hebrews 11:6, NIV: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
"Where is your faith?" Jesus asked his disciples. When it comes to trusting God with everything from the ordinary to the extraordinary, do we draw lines? Is our faith chained to our insecurities, or bound behind the walls of our own understanding? It is not enough to trust God in some things, and not in others. He is trustworthy regardless of the circumstances. And yet, we will find ourselves in times where we choose to trust in ourselves. In such times, we may wonder where God was. Perhaps we sometimes expect the rewards from God without earnestly seeking Him and placing faith in Him. A lot of people expect God to be the Father that stands back and lets us do it on our own--only stepping in when we are about to fail. And after He does not step in, we might resent Him angrily asking, "...and where was God?" The real question is, where were we? Were we seeking Him earnestly? If we earnestly seek God, we will reap the rewards of seeking Him. If we seek our own, will we not reap the benefits that come from doing life without God? The choice is ours with what we will trust Him completely--and where we will draw our lines of faith
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. - John 3:5
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
milquetoast MILK-tohst , noun; 1. A very timid, unassertive, spineless person, especially one who is easily dominated or intimidated.
Quotes: He played the quintessential meek, scrawny, milquetoast character. -- Iris Johansen, Fatal Tide It was hard to believe that a milquetoast coward like myself could be involved in such a clandestine and dangerous operation. -- Walter Mosley, Fear of the Dark
Origin: Milquetoast is after Caspar Milquetoast, a character in The Timid Soul, a comic strip by H. T. Webster (1885-1952), American cartoonist
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"You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts." - Brian Tracy
THINGS TO PONDER: If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Best Cat Toys Cat toys, there are tons and tons of cat toys on the market. But do you know your cat's toy preference? Is your cat a birder, a mouser, or a bugger? Does your cat prefer toys that mimic birds, mice or catching bugs? There are many types of cat toys made for cats and each cat has his or her own preferences as to what stimulates them to interact.
Favored cat toys mimic predatory acts that cats would perform if they were to hunt for their food. Although your cat may not need to "hunt", they still enjoy the actions and movements involved with the process of hunting from which they create a form of play. Cats love to chase, pounce, capture, carry, bite and roll around with good cat toys.
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We remember the first everything. First time teething, first look of joy and recognition when you come home from work, first time understanding what you say. I'm talking about puppies, of course!
Puppies don't stay puppies for long, but in their short time being small balls of joy, they experience a great many firsts. For this reason, puppyhood is an integral part of development, and a puppy's first few months with you will build the foundation of their health and behavior throughout their lives. So it pays to be prepared for these many important firsts. Are you? Here are some firsts you and your puppy will live through, and my recommendations for how to deal with them. * First teeth: Your puppy will inevitably experience teething. This process makes their gums hurt and makes them want to bite and chew on things. To help your puppy during his teething process, provide him with a suitable toy to chew on. If you want to encourage your puppy to chew on this toy, you can smear a tiny bit of peanut butter on it. If the weather is warm enough, you can also provide ice or crushed ice for your puppy to chew on once in a while. The hard surface is great for crunching on, and the cold will numb the puppy's gums, easing the discomfort for a short bit. * First biting : With teething often comes hand biting! Puppies may also bite to play or to get your attention. The very first few times that your puppy bites you, no matter how lightly or playfully he does it, it's important to react correctly. If a puppy is not deterred from biting when he's young, it becomes more difficult to prevent biting as he gets older. When a puppy bites you, there are a few things you can do. You can yelp loudly and withdraw - which is how the puppy's siblings would react to let the puppy know if he bit too hard during playtime. If your puppy does not stop biting, stop playing with him and ignore him for a little bit. Do this enough and your puppy should learn that biting means no playtime, and that's not what they want! * First learned command: You want your puppy to be well-behaved, so before long you will start to train your puppy. But which command to teach first? Sit and down are two of the easiest commands to teach and they are fine to start with, but I recommend that everyone teach their puppy the commands come and stay as soon as possible. These two commands can be important for your puppy's safety! Imagine your puppy manages to get away from you. You need to be able to call him to you, or tell him to stay and wait where he is so he does not go running onto a road on the way to you. * First food: What do you feed your puppy? The right food will make all the difference in your puppy's health and well-being. The first food you give your puppy should pave the way for a healthy, happy life. It should be food for puppies specifically - adult dogs need a different set of nutrients and minerals.
*************************** This is what Oxi clean is... did you Know that???
3% peroxide
This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana
"I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they would lose thousands of dollars."
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe)
No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash and gargle right on the bottle)
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them free of germs.
3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a lit tle on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will .
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a c old, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into a tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils, fungu s, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of white s in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let i t sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, and there is no smearing which is why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner.
Send on to others who might need to know the benefits of 3% peroxide
***************************
WHERE I HAVE & HAVE NOT BEEN
I think we’ve all been to some of these places at one time or another. I know I have from time to time. I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
***************************
How to Make Lemon Drop Cookies
Lemon drop cookies are a lemon flavored treat finished off with lemon frosting. They are a very lemony treat suitable for parties, desserts or just as a very delicious snack.
Ingredients
Cookies 3 cups flour 1 tbsp baking powder 1/4 tsp salt 1/2 cup milk 3 eggs 2 tsp lemon extract 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup vegetable oil
Frosting 1 cup softened butter 2 cups confectioner's sugar (icing sugar, powdered sugar) 1 tsp lemon, extra Grease cookie sheet, 350 degrees for 6 to 8 minutes.
Steps
1 Preheat the oven to 350ºF/180ºC.Preheat the oven to 350ºF/180ºC. 2 Spread butter or cooking oil onto the cookie sheet (tray). Spread butter or cooking oil onto the cookie sheet (tray). 3 Mix the flour, baking powder, and salt. Mix the flour, baking powder, and salt. 4 Beat the eggs, milk, lemon extract, sugar, and oil in a separate bowl with an electric mixer. Beat the eggs, milk, lemon extract, sugar, and oil in a separate bowl with an electric mixer. 5 Add the dry mix to the other bowl slowly, while blending it at a low speed. Add the dry mix to the other bowl slowly, while blending it at a low speed. 6 Divide the dough into about 35 separate cookies on the sheet. Divide the dough into about 35 separate cookies on the sheet. 7 Bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on a wire cooling rack. 8 Make the lemon frosting. Make the lemon frosting. Beat all three ingredients together until smooth. 9 Spread the lemon frosting on the cookies when they are cool. Spread the lemon frosting on the cookies when they are cool. Once the frosting has set, the cookies are ready to serve.
***************************
Kahlua Milkshake drink
Ingredients to use:
2 oz Coffee Liqueur 2 scoops french vanilla or chocolate Ice Cream 1 cup Milk
Directions: In blender, combine Kahlua, milk and ice cream and blend briefly. A creamy creation.
***************************
Apple-&-Fennel Roasted Pork Tenderloin Roasted apples, fennel and red onion are the perfect foil to roasted pork tenderloin. Make it a meal: Stir sauteed broccoli rabe into quick-cooking barley to serve alongside.
4 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 large sweet-tart apples, such as Fuji or Braeburn, sliced 1 large bulb fennel, trimmed, cored and thinly sliced, plus 1 tablespoon chopped fronds for garnish 1 large red onion, sliced 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons canola oil, divided 1 pound pork tenderloin, trimmed 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 3 tablespoons cider vinegar
PREPARATION Position racks in upper and lower thirds of oven; preheat to 475°F. Toss apples, sliced fennel and onion with 1 tablespoon oil in a large bowl. Spread out on a rimmed baking sheet. Roast on the lower oven rack, stirring twice, until tender and golden, 30 to 35 minutes. About 10 minutes after the apple mixture goes into the oven, sprinkle pork with salt and pepper. Heat the remaining 2 teaspoons oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Sear the pork on one side, about 2 minutes. Turn the pork over and transfer the pan to the top oven rack. Roast until just barely pink in the center and an instant-read thermometer registers 145°F, 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer the pork to a cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes. Immediately stir vinegar into the pan (be careful, the handle will be hot), scraping up any browned bits, then add to the apple mixture. Thinly slice the pork; serve with the apple mixture and sprinkle with fennel fronds.
NUTRITION Per serving: 258 calories; 9 g fat ( 1 g sat , 5 g mono ); 74 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 25 g protein; 5 g fiber; 374 mg sodium; 861 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Selenium (47% daily value), Vitamin C (25% dv), Potassium (24% dv), Zinc (20% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 Exchanges: 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, 3 lean meat
***************************
Southwestern Stuffed Acorn Squash
Cumin and chili powder season a filling of turkey sausage, tomatoes, black beans and Swiss cheese for creamy acorn squash. Serve this stuffed squash with warmed corn tortillas for wrapping up bites of all the tasty ingredients.
6 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 1 1/2 hours
INGREDIENTS 3 acorn squash, (3/4-1 pound each) 5 ounces bulk turkey sausage 1 small onion, chopped 1/2 medium red bell pepper,chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon ground cumin 2 cups chopped cherry tomatoes 1 15-ounce can black beans, rinsed (see Tip) 1/2 teaspoon salt Several dashes hot red pepper sauce, to taste 1 cup shredded Swiss cheese
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 375°F. Lightly coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray. Cut squash in half horizontally. Scoop out and discard seeds. Place the squash cut-side down on the prepared baking sheet. Bake until tender, about 45 minutes. Meanwhile, lightly coat a large skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat. Add sausage and cook, stirring and breaking up with a wooden spoon, until lightly browned, 3 to 5 minutes. Add onion and bell pepper; cook, stirring often, until softened, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in garlic, chili powder and cumin; cook for 30 seconds. Stir in tomatoes, beans, salt and hot sauce, scraping up any browned bits. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer until the tomatoes are broken down, 10 to 12 minutes. When the squash are tender, reduce oven temperature to 325°. Fill the squash halves with the turkey mixture. Top with cheese. Place on the baking sheet and bake until the filling is heated through and the cheese is melted, 8 to 10 minutes.
TIPS & NOTES Tip: While we love the convenience of canned beans, they tend to be high in sodium. Give them a good rinse before adding to a recipe to rid them of some of their sodium (up to 35 percent) or opt for low-sodium or no-salt-added varieties. (Our recipes are analyzed with rinsed, regular canned beans.) Or, if you have the time, cook your own beans from scratch.
NUTRITION Per serving: 259 calories; 7 g fat ( 4 g sat , 1 g mono ); 29 mg cholesterol; 38 g carbohydrates; 15 g protein; 7 g fiber; 482 mg sodium; 884 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (80% daily value), Vitamin A (45% dv), Calcium (20% dv), Iron (15% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1
Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable
***************************
Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the "lesser of two weevils."
***************************
- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the general's arrival. Finally, the general comes in. - Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times
***************************
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
***************************
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough!"
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
***************************
Don't ever pay a surprise visit to a child in college. You might be the one getting the surprise. I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son's campus during a business trip. Locating what I thought was his fraternity house, I rang the doorbell. "Yeah?" a voice called from inside.
"Does Dylan Housman live here?"
"Yup," the voice answered. "Leave him on the front porch. We'll drag him in later."
***************************
Mrs. Murphy is very fat, and the other day, laden with parcels and packages, she was trying to mount the steps of a Dublin tramcar. Helplessly looking on, stood the conductor, a diminutive little chap.
Mrs. Murphy, having reached the platform, said, with a glance of withering scorn: "If ye was half a man ye would have helped me up."
The little conductor calmly replied: "Shure, ma'am, if ye was half a woman I would!"
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
"My Spirit supplies the wisdom and the strength for your journey. Know I have prepared the way." -- GOD
Our Daily Devotional:
Lines of Faith
Hebrews 11:6, NIV: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
"Where is your faith?" Jesus asked his disciples. When it comes to trusting God with everything from the ordinary to the extraordinary, do we draw lines? Is our faith chained to our insecurities, or bound behind the walls of our own understanding? It is not enough to trust God in some things, and not in others. He is trustworthy regardless of the circumstances. And yet, we will find ourselves in times where we choose to trust in ourselves. In such times, we may wonder where God was. Perhaps we sometimes expect the rewards from God without earnestly seeking Him and placing faith in Him. A lot of people expect God to be the Father that stands back and lets us do it on our own--only stepping in when we are about to fail. And after He does not step in, we might resent Him angrily asking, "...and where was God?" The real question is, where were we? Were we seeking Him earnestly? If we earnestly seek God, we will reap the rewards of seeking Him. If we seek our own, will we not reap the benefits that come from doing life without God? The choice is ours with what we will trust Him completely--and where we will draw our lines of faith
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. - John 3:5
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
milquetoast MILK-tohst , noun; 1. A very timid, unassertive, spineless person, especially one who is easily dominated or intimidated.
Quotes: He played the quintessential meek, scrawny, milquetoast character. -- Iris Johansen, Fatal Tide It was hard to believe that a milquetoast coward like myself could be involved in such a clandestine and dangerous operation. -- Walter Mosley, Fear of the Dark
Origin: Milquetoast is after Caspar Milquetoast, a character in The Timid Soul, a comic strip by H. T. Webster (1885-1952), American cartoonist
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"You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts." - Brian Tracy
THINGS TO PONDER: If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
You might be a REDNECK if... ...you have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass
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TODAY'S PET TIP
Best Cat Toys Cat toys, there are tons and tons of cat toys on the market. But do you know your cat's toy preference? Is your cat a birder, a mouser, or a bugger? Does your cat prefer toys that mimic birds, mice or catching bugs? There are many types of cat toys made for cats and each cat has his or her own preferences as to what stimulates them to interact.
Favored cat toys mimic predatory acts that cats would perform if they were to hunt for their food. Although your cat may not need to "hunt", they still enjoy the actions and movements involved with the process of hunting from which they create a form of play. Cats love to chase, pounce, capture, carry, bite and roll around with good cat toys.
*************************** DOG TIPS
We remember the first everything. First time teething, first look of joy and recognition when you come home from work, first time understanding what you say. I'm talking about puppies, of course!
Puppies don't stay puppies for long, but in their short time being small balls of joy, they experience a great many firsts. For this reason, puppyhood is an integral part of development, and a puppy's first few months with you will build the foundation of their health and behavior throughout their lives. So it pays to be prepared for these many important firsts. Are you? Here are some firsts you and your puppy will live through, and my recommendations for how to deal with them. * First teeth: Your puppy will inevitably experience teething. This process makes their gums hurt and makes them want to bite and chew on things. To help your puppy during his teething process, provide him with a suitable toy to chew on. If you want to encourage your puppy to chew on this toy, you can smear a tiny bit of peanut butter on it. If the weather is warm enough, you can also provide ice or crushed ice for your puppy to chew on once in a while. The hard surface is great for crunching on, and the cold will numb the puppy's gums, easing the discomfort for a short bit. * First biting : With teething often comes hand biting! Puppies may also bite to play or to get your attention. The very first few times that your puppy bites you, no matter how lightly or playfully he does it, it's important to react correctly. If a puppy is not deterred from biting when he's young, it becomes more difficult to prevent biting as he gets older. When a puppy bites you, there are a few things you can do. You can yelp loudly and withdraw - which is how the puppy's siblings would react to let the puppy know if he bit too hard during playtime. If your puppy does not stop biting, stop playing with him and ignore him for a little bit. Do this enough and your puppy should learn that biting means no playtime, and that's not what they want! * First learned command: You want your puppy to be well-behaved, so before long you will start to train your puppy. But which command to teach first? Sit and down are two of the easiest commands to teach and they are fine to start with, but I recommend that everyone teach their puppy the commands come and stay as soon as possible. These two commands can be important for your puppy's safety! Imagine your puppy manages to get away from you. You need to be able to call him to you, or tell him to stay and wait where he is so he does not go running onto a road on the way to you. * First food: What do you feed your puppy? The right food will make all the difference in your puppy's health and well-being. The first food you give your puppy should pave the way for a healthy, happy life. It should be food for puppies specifically - adult dogs need a different set of nutrients and minerals.
*************************** This is what Oxi clean is... did you Know that???
3% peroxide
This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana
"I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they would lose thousands of dollars."
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe)
No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash and gargle right on the bottle)
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them free of germs.
3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a lit tle on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will .
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a c old, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into a tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils, fungu s, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of white s in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let i t sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, and there is no smearing which is why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner.
Send on to others who might need to know the benefits of 3% peroxide
***************************
WHERE I HAVE & HAVE NOT BEEN
I think we’ve all been to some of these places at one time or another. I know I have from time to time. I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
***************************
How to Make Lemon Drop Cookies
Lemon drop cookies are a lemon flavored treat finished off with lemon frosting. They are a very lemony treat suitable for parties, desserts or just as a very delicious snack.
Ingredients
Cookies 3 cups flour 1 tbsp baking powder 1/4 tsp salt 1/2 cup milk 3 eggs 2 tsp lemon extract 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup vegetable oil
Frosting 1 cup softened butter 2 cups confectioner's sugar (icing sugar, powdered sugar) 1 tsp lemon, extra Grease cookie sheet, 350 degrees for 6 to 8 minutes.
Steps
1 Preheat the oven to 350ºF/180ºC.Preheat the oven to 350ºF/180ºC. 2 Spread butter or cooking oil onto the cookie sheet (tray). Spread butter or cooking oil onto the cookie sheet (tray). 3 Mix the flour, baking powder, and salt. Mix the flour, baking powder, and salt. 4 Beat the eggs, milk, lemon extract, sugar, and oil in a separate bowl with an electric mixer. Beat the eggs, milk, lemon extract, sugar, and oil in a separate bowl with an electric mixer. 5 Add the dry mix to the other bowl slowly, while blending it at a low speed. Add the dry mix to the other bowl slowly, while blending it at a low speed. 6 Divide the dough into about 35 separate cookies on the sheet. Divide the dough into about 35 separate cookies on the sheet. 7 Bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on a wire cooling rack. 8 Make the lemon frosting. Make the lemon frosting. Beat all three ingredients together until smooth. 9 Spread the lemon frosting on the cookies when they are cool. Spread the lemon frosting on the cookies when they are cool. Once the frosting has set, the cookies are ready to serve.
***************************
Kahlua Milkshake drink
Ingredients to use:
2 oz Coffee Liqueur 2 scoops french vanilla or chocolate Ice Cream 1 cup Milk
Directions: In blender, combine Kahlua, milk and ice cream and blend briefly. A creamy creation.
***************************
Apple-&-Fennel Roasted Pork Tenderloin Roasted apples, fennel and red onion are the perfect foil to roasted pork tenderloin. Make it a meal: Stir sauteed broccoli rabe into quick-cooking barley to serve alongside.
4 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes
INGREDIENTS 2 large sweet-tart apples, such as Fuji or Braeburn, sliced 1 large bulb fennel, trimmed, cored and thinly sliced, plus 1 tablespoon chopped fronds for garnish 1 large red onion, sliced 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons canola oil, divided 1 pound pork tenderloin, trimmed 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 3 tablespoons cider vinegar
PREPARATION Position racks in upper and lower thirds of oven; preheat to 475°F. Toss apples, sliced fennel and onion with 1 tablespoon oil in a large bowl. Spread out on a rimmed baking sheet. Roast on the lower oven rack, stirring twice, until tender and golden, 30 to 35 minutes. About 10 minutes after the apple mixture goes into the oven, sprinkle pork with salt and pepper. Heat the remaining 2 teaspoons oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Sear the pork on one side, about 2 minutes. Turn the pork over and transfer the pan to the top oven rack. Roast until just barely pink in the center and an instant-read thermometer registers 145°F, 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer the pork to a cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes. Immediately stir vinegar into the pan (be careful, the handle will be hot), scraping up any browned bits, then add to the apple mixture. Thinly slice the pork; serve with the apple mixture and sprinkle with fennel fronds.
NUTRITION Per serving: 258 calories; 9 g fat ( 1 g sat , 5 g mono ); 74 mg cholesterol; 21 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 25 g protein; 5 g fiber; 374 mg sodium; 861 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Selenium (47% daily value), Vitamin C (25% dv), Potassium (24% dv), Zinc (20% dv). Carbohydrate Servings: 1 Exchanges: 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, 3 lean meat
***************************
Southwestern Stuffed Acorn Squash
Cumin and chili powder season a filling of turkey sausage, tomatoes, black beans and Swiss cheese for creamy acorn squash. Serve this stuffed squash with warmed corn tortillas for wrapping up bites of all the tasty ingredients.
6 servings Active Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 1 1/2 hours
INGREDIENTS 3 acorn squash, (3/4-1 pound each) 5 ounces bulk turkey sausage 1 small onion, chopped 1/2 medium red bell pepper,chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon ground cumin 2 cups chopped cherry tomatoes 1 15-ounce can black beans, rinsed (see Tip) 1/2 teaspoon salt Several dashes hot red pepper sauce, to taste 1 cup shredded Swiss cheese
PREPARATION Preheat oven to 375°F. Lightly coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray. Cut squash in half horizontally. Scoop out and discard seeds. Place the squash cut-side down on the prepared baking sheet. Bake until tender, about 45 minutes. Meanwhile, lightly coat a large skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat. Add sausage and cook, stirring and breaking up with a wooden spoon, until lightly browned, 3 to 5 minutes. Add onion and bell pepper; cook, stirring often, until softened, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in garlic, chili powder and cumin; cook for 30 seconds. Stir in tomatoes, beans, salt and hot sauce, scraping up any browned bits. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer until the tomatoes are broken down, 10 to 12 minutes. When the squash are tender, reduce oven temperature to 325°. Fill the squash halves with the turkey mixture. Top with cheese. Place on the baking sheet and bake until the filling is heated through and the cheese is melted, 8 to 10 minutes.
TIPS & NOTES Tip: While we love the convenience of canned beans, they tend to be high in sodium. Give them a good rinse before adding to a recipe to rid them of some of their sodium (up to 35 percent) or opt for low-sodium or no-salt-added varieties. (Our recipes are analyzed with rinsed, regular canned beans.) Or, if you have the time, cook your own beans from scratch.
NUTRITION Per serving: 259 calories; 7 g fat ( 4 g sat , 1 g mono ); 29 mg cholesterol; 38 g carbohydrates; 15 g protein; 7 g fiber; 482 mg sodium; 884 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (80% daily value), Vitamin A (45% dv), Calcium (20% dv), Iron (15% dv) Carbohydrate Servings: 1
Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable
***************************
Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the "lesser of two weevils."
***************************
- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the general's arrival. Finally, the general comes in. - Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times
***************************
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
***************************
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough!"
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
***************************
Don't ever pay a surprise visit to a child in college. You might be the one getting the surprise. I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son's campus during a business trip. Locating what I thought was his fraternity house, I rang the doorbell. "Yeah?" a voice called from inside.
"Does Dylan Housman live here?"
"Yup," the voice answered. "Leave him on the front porch. We'll drag him in later."
***************************
Mrs. Murphy is very fat, and the other day, laden with parcels and packages, she was trying to mount the steps of a Dublin tramcar. Helplessly looking on, stood the conductor, a diminutive little chap.
Mrs. Murphy, having reached the platform, said, with a glance of withering scorn: "If ye was half a man ye would have helped me up."
The little conductor calmly replied: "Shure, ma'am, if ye was half a woman I would!"
Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
REMINDERS FROM GOD:
Matthew 13:32
(32) which indeed is the least of all the seeds; but when it is grown it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches."
Mark 4:32
(32) but when it is sown, it grows up and becomes greater than all herbs, and shoots out large branches, so that the birds of the air may nest under its shade."
Luke 13:19
(19) It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and put in his garden; and it grew and became a large tree, and the birds of the air nested in its branches."
The largest of mustard plants, even under ideal conditions, can grow only to a height of about 15 feet. Luke 13:19 describes it as "a large tree," yet the natural mustard plant is not "a large tree" by any stretch of the imagination. All varieties of the mustard family, which are herbs, have thin, pulpy—not woody—stems and branches. It is nothing like a tree. This mustard plant did something abnormal by growing beyond its design parameters; it became larger than what God designed as normal. What is this large mustard tree in which, apparently, demons are welcome? As the church grew from a tiny seed into a small mustard bush, it was as God designed it, but over time, it mutated into a large tree, something never intended by God. This plant ceased to be God's church when it perverted its doctrines and objectives, moving beyond God's intended limits. It became a counterfeit of the true church, appropriating the name "Christian" and blending or syncretizing pagan mystery religions with Christianity. Eventually, it called itself the Roman Catholic Church, and later produced Protestant daughter churches whose doctrines are rooted in Catholicism. What became of the true church? When the mustard plant mutated from its original form, God replanted His true church in another corner of the field, beginning the process anew. It is a consistent characteristic of God's true church to remain as a small herb, spiritually feeding the few who are chosen to become regenerated children of the Kingdom of God.
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WORD FOR THE DAY:
mnemonic • nih-MAH-nik • adjective : assisting or designed to assist memory
Examples: To help remember the levels of biological classification, James taught his students the mnemonic sentence “King Philip Came Over For Good Spaghetti†(Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species).
"Mnemonic devices can help, like mentally registering the name of a new acquaintance by picturing another friend with that moniker." -- From an article by Kate Zimmerman in the North Shore News (North Vancouver, B.C.), September 4, 2011
*************************** Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with scoffers But they delight in doing everything the LORD wants; day and night they think about his law. Psalms 1:1,2 ************************************ I’VE LEARNED......That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. ***************************** WHAT ABOUT CELEBRITIES? Whenever I’ve seen celebrities on TV I’m not sure what to do. I’m also not a fan of the Doonesbury comic strip and its author, but the 4/17/11 issue really said it for me. He was having and interview with Donald Trump and said something about him being one of the well known people…Trump broke in angrily with “What do you mean “one of?†Who is better known? The response was a classic…â€and most of them don’t like youâ€!!! Some celebrities are fine people, good family folks, someone you would like to know personally. However, many of them have come to believe their own PR and love the adoration of a few fans. The attention has gone to their heads and they now have an attitude of arrogance that just glows around them. Since they are now so well paid and important they can endorse products, causes and political people and topics with the assumption that folks will respond, just because they say so. The Doonesbury response is true of these celebrities, â€and most of them don’t like youâ€!!! Really, the only thing about many celebrities is that they are well known, but this in itself can be negative because people may know them as a good actor, but they also know them for their arrogant attitude, their serious addictions, divorces and public displays when someone disagrees with them. Here are a few un-named examples: The actor who vowed if George Bush was elected he would leave the country…he didn’t. Or, the home show diva that was judging part of a cooking show and refused to even try one item “because she doesn’t eat that kind of food†(sloppy joes). There was one celebrities daughter when speaking to a guard said, “Do you know who I am, little man?†And then the mayor’s wife who was upset when she was parked in a no parking zone and got a ticket, so she asked the officer, “Do you know who I am?†I could go on and one with these examples and I am sure you could add a lot more. Let’s just remember that the only thing a celebrity has going for them is that they are will known….and leave it at that. ***************************** “THE TREASURE!†Pastor Cecil A. Thompson, November 2, 2010 Mark 10:20-21, “Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me.†But he was sad at this word, and went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.†I recall seeing pictures of gold miners back in the 1890’s as they struggled up the Chilkoot pass near Skagway Alaska. They had missed out on the California gold rush and now were determined to discover wealth untold here in the far north. The men had left family, friends and all they knew to search for the precious gold. Other pictures crowd my mind of poor laborers in Africa who risk life and limb to discover diamonds that will make the owners wealthy…but will hardly provide the laborer a decent living. George Beverly Shea, the soloist with Billy Graham, used to sing a song called Acres of Diamonds. It went like this: “Acres of Diamonds, mountains of gold, rivers of silver, jewels untold.†All too often people are prone to stop with these words and feel that if they had those, it would satisfy their every need. It is important to consider the rest of the lyrics. “Peace when we’re sleeping or a conscience that’s free. A heart that’s contented a satisfied mind, these are the treasures money can’t buy; If you have Jesus, there’s more wealth in your soul than acres of diamonds, mountains of gold.†What are you giving your life for?
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Seafood Lasagna
It’s divine! Seafood smothered in creamed sauce and layered with a favorite pasta makes a “company’s coming†favorite!
PREP TIME 30 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 25 min SERVINGS 12 1/2 cup butter or margarine 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped 1/2 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour 2 cups milk 2 cups Progresso® chicken broth (from 32-ounce carton) 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 ounces) 4 medium green onions, sliced (1/4 cup) 2 tablespoons capers 1 teaspoon dried tarragon leaves 1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper 9 uncooked lasagna noodles 1 cup small curd creamed cottage cheese 1 can (6 ounces) crabmeat, drained and cartilage removed 1 can (4 ounces) tiny shrimp, drained 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 Heat oven to 350ºF. Melt butter in 3-quart saucepan over low heat. Cook garlic in butter about 1 minute, stirring occasionally, until golden. Stir in flour. Cook, stirring constantly, until bubbly; remove from heat. Stir in milk and broth. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in mozzarella cheese, onions, capers, tarragon and lemon pepper. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until cheese is melted. 2 Spread one-fourth of the cheese sauce (about 1 1/4 cups) in ungreased rectangular baking dish, 13x9x2 inches; top with 3 uncooked noodles. Spread cottage cheese over noodles. Repeat with one-fourth of the cheese sauce and 3 noodles. Top with crabmeat, shrimp, one-fourth of the cheese sauce, the remaining noodles and cheese sauce. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. 3 Bake uncovered about 40 minutes or until noodles are tender. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting.
Expert Tips Wrap the dish of unbaked lasagna tightly with aluminum foil and freeze up to 1 month. Bake frozen lasagna covered 40 minutes, then uncover and bake about 40 minutes longer or until hot and bubbly. You can use 6 ounces of chopped imitation crabmeat for the canned crabmeat in this recipe. It adds a nice touch of color!
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 280 (Calories from Fat 125 ),Total Fat 14 g(Saturated Fat 9 g,Cholesterol 70 mg;Sodium 600 mg;Total Carbohydrate 20 g(Dietary Fiber 1 g,Protein 19 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 12.00%;Vitamin C 2.00%;Calcium 28.00%;Iron 8.00%;Exchanges:1 1/2 Starch;2 Lean Meat;1 Fat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Easy Meatless Lasagna
You won't miss the meat with this easy, three-cheesy pasta dish.
PREP TIME 20 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 35 min SERVINGS 8 2 cups ricotta cheese or small curd creamed cottage cheese 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano leaves or 1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves 2 jars (28 ounces each) tomato pasta sauce (any variety) 12 uncooked lasagna noodles 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 ounces) 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese Additional shredded mozzarella cheese, if desired
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Mix ricotta cheese, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, the parsley and oregano. 2 Spread 2 cups of the pasta sauce in ungreased rectangular pan, 13x9x2 inches; top with 4 uncooked noodles. Spread ricotta cheese mixture over noodles. Spread with 2 cups pasta sauce and top with 4 noodles; repeat with 2 cups pasta sauce and 4 noodles. Sprinkle with 2 cups mozzarella cheese. Spread with remaining pasta sauce. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. 3 Cover and bake 30 minutes. Uncover and bake about 30 minutes longer or until hot and bubbly. Sprinkle with additional mozzarella cheese. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting.
Expert Tips Complete this meal with your favorite tossed salad and crusty Italian bread. To prepare ahead of time, cover unbaked lasagna tightly with foil and refrigerate no longer than 24 hours. About 1 1/2 hours before serving, heat oven to 350ºF. Bake covered 45 minutes. Uncover and bake 15 to 20 minutes longer or until hot and bubbly. Sprinkle with additional mozzarella cheese. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 515 (Calories from Fat 180 ),Total Fat 20 g(Saturated Fat 9 g,Cholesterol 40 mg;Sodium 1340 mg;(Dietary Fiber 4 g,Protein 24 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 26.00%;Vitamin C 26.00%;Calcium 52.00%;Iron 20.00%;Exchanges:4 Starch;1 Vegetable;1 High-Fat Meat;2 Fat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Fajita Lasagna
Confused by the recipe title? Fajita seasoning mix adds a Mexican twist to this Italian favorite. Your family will shout "Olé" when they taste this fusion lasagna!
PREP TIME 15 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr SERVINGS 8 1 bag (1 pound) frozen stir-fry bell peppers and onions, thawed 1 pound lean ground beef 1 can (29 ounces) tomato sauce 1 envelope (1.4 ounces) fajita seasoning mix 12 no-boil lasagna noodles , each about 6 to 8 inches long and 3 inches wide 3 cups shredded Colby-Monterey Jack cheese (12 ounces) 1 can (2 1/4 ounces) sliced ripe olives, drained Guacamole, if desired Old El Paso® Thick 'n Chunky salsa, if desired Sour cream, if desired
1 Heat oven to 350ºF. Spray bottom and sides of rectangular baking dish, 13x9x2 inches, with cooking spray. Drain thawed bell pepper mixture on several layers of paper towels; set aside. 2 Cook beef in 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until brown; drain. Stir in tomato sauce and seasoning mix; heat to boiling. Spread 1/2 cup sauce mixture in baking dish. Arrange 4 noodles crosswise, slightly overlapping, on sauce. Spread 1 1/2 cups sauce over noodles, completely covering noodles. Spread pepper mixture evenly over sauce; sprinkle with 1 cup of the cheese. 3 Arrange 4 noodles crosswise, slightly overlapping, on cheese. Spread about 1 1/2 cups sauce over noodles, completely covering noodles. Sprinkle 1 cup of the cheese and the olives over sauce. Arrange 4 noodles crosswise, slightly overlapping, on olives. Spread remaining sauce over noodles, completely covering noodles. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheese. 4 Spray piece of aluminum foil large enough to cover baking dish with cooking spray. Tightly cover baking dish with foil, sprayed side down. Bake about 30 minutes or until hot and bubbly. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting. Serve with guacamole, salsa and sour cream.
Expert Tips We’re using ground beef in this recipe instead of the usual steak found in fajitas so the lasagna will be easier to cut. When we tested this recipe using slices of steak, we found that cutting the lasagna into serving pieces was difficult. No-boil lasagna noodles are so convenient to have on hand. Most large grocery stores now carry boxes of them right next to the regular lasagna noodles and other pastas.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 465 (Calories from Fat 215 ),Total Fat 24 g(Saturated Fat 13 g,Cholesterol 75 mg;Sodium 1030 mg;Total Carbohydrate 40 g(Dietary Fiber 6 g,Protein 28 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 36.00%;Vitamin C 40.00%;Calcium 34.00%;Iron 38.00%;Exchanges:2 1/2 Starch;1 Fat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Creamy Chicken Lasagna
Craving comfort food? Try this creamy lasagna with layers of tasty chicken and four cheeses.
PREP TIME 40 min TOTAL TIME 1 hr 50 min SERVINGS 8 12 uncooked lasagna noodles (12 oz) 1 tablespoon butter or margarine 3/4 cup chopped green bell pepper 3/4 cup chopped onions (1 1/2 medium) 1/3 cup milk 2 cans (10 3/4 oz each) condensed cream of chicken soup 1/2 teaspoon dried basil leaves 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1 container (12 oz) small-curd cottage cheese 3 cups diced cooked chicken 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 oz) 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 oz) 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom and sides of 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. Cook and drain noodles as directed on package. 2 Meanwhile, in 2-quart saucepan, melt butter over medium-high heat. Cook bell pepper and onions in butter, stirring occasionally, until crisp-tender; remove from heat. Stir in milk, soup, basil and pepper. 3 Place 4 noodles in baking dish. Top with about 1 cup of the soup mixture, half of the cottage cheese, 1 1/2 cups of the chicken, 2/3 cup mozzarella cheese and 1/3 cup Cheddar cheese. Repeat layers once, starting with noodles. Place remaining 4 noodles over top. Top with remaining soup mixture, mozzarella cheese and Cheddar cheese. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese over top. 4 Bake uncovered 50 to 55 minutes or until bubbly and hot in center. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting.
Expert Tips Ricotta cheese can be substituted for the cottage cheese. If you don't want to cook chicken for this recipe, your supermarket offers these options: deli roasted chicken, frozen diced precooked chicken and canned chicken breast chunks.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 520(Calories from Fat 220),Total Fat 24g(Saturated Fat 12g,Trans Fat 1/2g),Cholesterol 95mg;Sodium 1230mg;Total Carbohydrate 36g(Dietary Fiber 2g,Sugars 4g),Protein 40g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 15.00%;Vitamin C 10.00%;Calcium 40.00%;Iron 15.00%;Exchanges:2 Starch;0 Fruit;1/2 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;5 Lean Meat;0 High-Fat Meat;1 1/2 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:2 1/2;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Slow Cooker Lasagna
Home-cooked lasagna on a weeknight? Yes! Thanks to the slow cooker and no precooking of the noodles!
PREP TIME 25 min TOTAL TIME 6 hr 35 min SERVINGS 8 1 pound bulk Italian sausage 1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup) 3 cans (15 ounces each) Italian-style tomato sauce 2 teaspoons dried basil leaves 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 ounces) 1 container (15 ounces) part-skim ricotta cheese 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese 15 uncooked lasagna noodles
1 Cook sausage and onion in 10-inch skillet over medium heat 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until sausage is no longer pink; drain. Stir in tomato sauce, basil and salt. 2 Mix 1 cup of the mozzarella cheese and the ricotta and Parmesan cheeses. (Refrigerate remaining mozzarella cheese while lasagna cooks.) 3 Spoon one-fourth of the sausage mixture into 6-quart slow cooker; top with 5 noodles, broken into pieces to fit. Spread with half of the cheese mixture and one-fourth of the sausage mixture. Top with 5 noodles, remaining cheese mixture and one-fourth of the sausage mixture. Top with remaining 5 noodles and remaining sausage mixture. 4 Cover and cook on Low heat setting 4 to 6 hours or until noodles are tender. 5 Sprinkle top of lasagna with remaining 1 cup mozzarella cheese. Cover and let stand about 10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Cut into pieces.
Expert Tips Something as simple as chopped fresh parsley will dress up this lasagna. Sprinkle on the parsley just before serving. For lasagna with a kick, look for hot or spicy Italian sausage. Links can be used if bulk sausage isn't available. Just squeeze the meat out of the casings and cook as directed.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 670(Calories from Fat 270),Total Fat 31g(Saturated Fat 13g,Trans Fat 0g),Cholesterol 75mg;Sodium 1770mg;Total Carbohydrate 65g(Dietary Fiber 5g,Sugars 14g),Protein 34g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 30.00%;Vitamin C 20.00%;Calcium 60.00%;Iron 20.00%;Exchanges:3 1/2 Starch;0 Fruit;1 Other Carbohydrate;0 Skim Milk;0 Low-Fat Milk;0 Milk;0 Vegetable;0 Very Lean Meat;0 Lean Meat;3 1/2 High-Fat Meat;0 Fat;Carbohydrate Choices:4;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Italian Sausage Lasagna
No need to buy frozen lasagna when you have this much-loved recipe on hand.
PREP TIME 1 hr 10 min TOTAL TIME 2 hr 10 min SERVINGS 8
1 lb bulk Italian pork sausage 1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup) 1 clove garlic, crushed 3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil leaves or 1 teaspoon dried basil leaves 1 teaspoon sugar 2 cups Muir Glen® organic diced tomatoes (from 28-oz can), undrained 1 can (15 oz) Muir Glen® organic tomato sauce 12 uncooked lasagna noodles (12 oz) 1 container (15 oz) ricotta cheese or small-curd cottage cheese (2 cups) 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano leaves or 1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (8 oz) 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 In 10-inch skillet, cook sausage, onion and garlic over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until sausage is no longer pink; drain. 2 Stir in 2 tablespoons of the parsley, the basil, sugar, tomatoes and tomato sauce. Heat to boiling, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low; simmer uncovered about 45 minutes or until slightly thickened. 3 Heat oven to 350ºF. Cook and drain noodles as directed on package. 4 In medium bowl, mix ricotta cheese, 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, remaining 1 tablespoon parsley and the oregano. 5 Spread 1 cup of the sauce mixture in ungreased 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish. Top with 4 noodles. Spread 1 cup of the cheese mixture over noodles; spread with 1 cup of the sauce mixture. Sprinkle with 2/3 cup of the mozzarella cheese. Repeat with 4 noodles, the remaining cheese mixture, 1 cup of the sauce mixture and 2/3 cup of the mozzarella cheese. Top with remaining noodles and sauce mixture. Sprinkle with remaining mozzarella cheese and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. 6 Cover; bake 30 minutes. Uncover; bake about 15 minutes longer or until hot and bubbly. Let stand 15 minutes before cutting.
Expert Tips Leftover lasagna freezes well. Wrap individual portions tightly in plastic wrap, then wrap again with aluminum foil. You need only unwrap and thoroughly reheat to enjoy an instant lasagna fix! Put this recipe together lickety-split using 5 cups (40 ounces) of your favorite regular (do not use thick or extra-thick varieties) spaghetti sauce with meat instead of the first eight ingredients. If your family likes lasagna with a milder flavor, use ground beef instead of the bulk Italian sausage.
Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 465 (Calories from Fat 205 ),Total Fat 23 g(Saturated Fat 11 g,Cholesterol 70 mg;Sodium 1120 mg;Total Carbohydrate 36 g(Dietary Fiber 3 g,Protein 31 g;Percent Daily Value*:Vitamin A 28.00%;Vitamin C 16.00%;Calcium 50.00%;Iron 16.00%;Exchanges:2 Starch;1 Vegetable;3 High-Fat Meat;*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
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Car Descriptions and Definitions
Car Companies and their Meanings ACURA Awfully Crappy UnReliable Auto Auto Causes Universal Road Accidents All Cars Usually Require Adjustment Any Child Understands Real Auto's Another Case (of a) Useless Requested Acronym A Car Under Recall Action Americans Can Understand Routine Accidents AMC Ain't My Car all mechanics companion always madecrappy *always money consuming another miserable concept *after my cash All Most a Car Compliments of Bruce A. Freeman
Audi Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Design Implementations
BMW Big Money Works Brutal Money Waster Big Man Wannabe
Buick Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Chevrolet Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time Can Hear Every Valve Rapping Over Lousy Engine Timing Compliments of Kristi Coggsie
Dodge Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Don't Only Drive, Get Even! Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive Compliments of John Newall Don't Open Door, Garbage Enclosed Compliments of John Newall
Dammed Old Decrepid German Engine Compliments of Bruce A. Freeman Dem Ol' Dudes Go Everywhere Compliments of Kristi Coggsie
Fiat Failed Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Freaky Italian-Assed Trash Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportaion Compliments of John Newall Fix It Again, Tony Compliments of John Newall
FORD First On Race Day backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot First On Recall Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found One Running, Drive! Found On Road, Dead Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. and Ron's DNA Found On Russian Dump First Out Race Day Compliments of John Newall Flip Over, Read Directions Compliments of John Newall F***ing Owner Real Dumb Compliments of John Newall F**ked On Recent Deal Compliments of Chris (OwnADobe) Fu**kin Old Recycled Dodge Compliments of Chris (OwnADobe) F**ked Outta Real Driving Compliments of Steve Gause For Others Racing Dale Compliments of Tom Long Flat Out Runnning Dude Compliments of Pat Myers F***king Old, Runs Dammit Compliments of Doc Philli Fuckin' Oakies Really Dig'um Compliments of Dan Demeo
GM General Malfunction General Maintenance Generous Motors Gotta Mechanic??? Generic Motors Compliments of Bruce A. Freeman
GMC Gotta Mechanic Coming Garage Man's Companion Got a Mechanic Coming? God Made Chevy Good Mountain Climber General Mess of Crud Got My Chevy Compliments of Steve Gause Gay Man's Car Compliments of Alisa
Honda Have One, Never Drive Another Had One, Never Did Again How Orientals Negate Driving Ability High On Narcotics During Assembly Compliments of Dan Demeo
Hyundai Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
IROC Italian Retard Out Cruising Compliments of Paul
I Reak Of Cologner Compliments of Paul
MOPAR Mostly Old Parts And Rust Compliments of Bruce A. Freeman My Old Plymouth Ain't Runnin' Compliments of Paddy Francis Wall
Oldsmobile Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
PONTIAC Poor Old Nitwhit Thinks It's A Cadillac Poor Old Nut Thinks It's A Cadillac
Saab Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty Compliments of Rand Peart
Toyota To Often Yankees Overprice This Automobile
Volvo Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW - Virtually Worthless
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Cars and who drive them
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and voted for Eisenhower Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car Dodge Ram.- Former Civic owner going to get even with all the people who cut him off. Ford Escort - I love Jeff Gordon and Bone Thugs & Harmony Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart) Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph an change lanes when I pull up behind them Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall. Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall. Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports. Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp. Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above) Mercedes 300SL - pretender (no one wants my autograph) Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler MGB - I am dating a mechanic Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic) Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
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Tags: Religion, Recipes, Jokes, Tips n More
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