How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rea r paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon. 

2. Toss it in the air.
 
This was sent to me by my buddy Marv!  I thot it hysterical  meems 

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2008/15/7 1301 EST...

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I know I am late! What can I say... I am old and feeble and and and! lolol Marv, shut up! grumble, mumble...sheesh!

Yesterday was a very long day... gee whiz! Grasscutter made the trip out here with the dog food. He brought his oldest girl, Roxanne, with him. Rene was at camp. Any way, he had decided to install the CB antenna and radio for me.... 

Well kids, while he was busy trying to not fall off the roof, Roxie plopped on the bed, wrestled with the dogs while I tried to stay out of the line of fire... Roxie would scream for help and I told her she was on her own! lolol... It was tooo funny... the old lady here and a fourteen year old giggling and laffing like a couple of idiots...lolol We did get some work done tho... she and I...lolol she toted and carried while I cleaned off the book shelves here in the 'apartment'. By the time those two left, I was exhausted... Did I hit the feathers early? Oh yeah! 

(Apartment = one large bedroom containing puter, tv, CB radio, a 2'x4' roll around table, two tall bookshelves, 3 chairs, two footstools, a bar stool, a double sized feather bed [homemade..was meant to be a small porch], a large basket holding crochet yarn, a night stand and a long 6 drawer dresser and a 6 pack of rowdy dogs...)

Now, I live in a 3 bedroom brick with a full basement... should be plenty of room right? Wrong! I have more junk for art work than anyone might need to have! However, this bedroom/den/do all room has been my habit for years... When the boys were young, they'd come home from school and would start bellowing the moment they came in the back door. I would be on the second floor of the old house... either in the Studio (an old fashioned sleeping porch) which was off the big bedroom or in the bed room itself doing some kind of hand work while I watched TV. Anyway, they would grab a snack and come upstairs, flop on the bed, watch TV and run their mouths... 

One summer day, I was taking a lovely bath, reading a book when I heard the usual MOM! from Phil who was coming up the steps... lolol
Mom: up here!
Phil: Aw are you in the tub?
Mom: yes!
Phil: Aw! Glen wants to show you something!
Mom: OK hang on a minute!

I stand up in tub... wrap self in large towel.... I bellow OK!

The next thing I know is there is a right arm coming thru the open door. No problem! Next thing I see is a large black snake wrapped around the aforementioned arm. The first thing out of my mouth? "I didn't know black snakes were constrictors!" lolol I always told the kids that they had no idea how neat a Mom they had until they got married and had kids of their own...Then there is always the tale of the 'roaches in the freezer' story. And the one about the hellbender in the kitchen sink!

Kids, I am outa here....Take care all of mine... go in safety always, love, laff, giggle, hug somebody, and for pete's sake LIVE! love and hugs meems

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2008/14/7 0946EST...

Welcome home all of mine, welcome home. The emom is on the war path! So, look out!

Marv has been at it again... Set me up on a gotcha and I came within an ace of biting on it the whole way... That's ok though... Since I am stuck with him, I will get even... oh yeah, and bruising and battering is the least of his worries... No, I am not gonna tell you what he did... but trust me it was a lulu! He is a dead man! You been warned Brat! Us mountain women have loooooooonnnnngggg memories...Oh yeah! I'd be looking over my shoulder 24 hours a day if I were you! lolol and he he he he! (evil laff)

It's a gorgeous day here on the mountain... Bright, sunny and cool... was 50o when I got up this morning...Door and window with fan are open, nice cool breeze! What a relief from the heat! 

I've already had a Doggy gotcha tag match on the bed... covers rearranged and piled in the middle...I straightened the bed three times and I am seriously thinking about tossing them on the floor and just leaving them there. Big change in their energy patterns on a cool morning...lolol Just don't get in their way when the Six Pack comes roaring down the hall way! You will get trampled by the stampede! lolol 

The Newbie is doing better... foot is still swollen but he is starting to put some weight on it... and he did get under my swinging chair this a.m. and play tether ball for a little while. This is the rottenest dog I have EVER had! Bar none! But him gots these big, sad, innocent looking brown eyes... Can you say: con artist first class? lolol 

Had prowler for the last several nights... Well, I got tired of it again, took the .22 out and fired a round... Dead silence after that...There is only one person up here who is stupid enough to come around after dark! Tonite, if the dogs give alarm, I will go out with the Marlin! Can you say, ricochet? And of course, there is always the bedroom window... screen already has hole in it... lololol

Never a dull moment up here... 

Well, on that cheerful note, I am outa here! Paintings waiting for brushes and laundry (Yuck!) waiting in the basement. 

Take care all of mine... go in safety always... hugs and much love... meems

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2008/13/7 1000est

Mornin' all of mine...Welcome home, dear hearts, welcome home! Come on and get yourselves in here... We only have about a half hour before the storms arrive. The heat and the humidity are oppressive and I really don't like it! Hard on this old body and I can't get outside. I get GRUMPY! lolol

Dogs are all in and under foot...and on my feet... lolol. The Newbie is still limping...I think he was bitten by a snake on the right hind foot this week. I thot at first that he had been hit by a car or and atv... I will say that each day with the Newbie is a different kind of adventure. Oh yeah! 

Not much going on here right now... so I am gonna sign out for now... Later all... 

hugs and love to all of mine... meems

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2008/12/7 1255EST...

Hey kids... Storm clouds moving in from the west... big time...All dogs in...hatches are batten... just hope the power doesn't go off for any length of time...

Have a wonderful day, all of mine...Take care, go in safety always... Laff, giggle, make love, give hugs and stay out of trouble! lolol

love and hugs ... meems

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2008/11/7 0942EST

Mornin' all! Welcome home, my dear ones, welcome home. It's back porch settin time... Oh, it is yummy cool and a breeze is flowing down the holler. My fav kind of weather... oh yeah! Got hot chocolate (non fattening marshmallows) coffee, tea, juice and lots of muffins and donuts. Help selves... y'all know where everything is... If you see I am running short on anything, please write it on the grocery list so I'll know to pick up more in town the next time I go.

Hey, would you write vanilla on the list please... Gonna run short if I'm not careful... the humming birds are about to eat me out of house and home...

Was talking to Anna this morning already... checked in with her about the Fire Dept give away. Not much to report ... lots of clothes and some purple nail polish! Hmmmm! Well, anyway, she said there have been lots of sightings of a sow (female) black bear with two cubs in the area. Talk about your dangerous bear! I have seen tracks in the area... There's no mistaking the hind paw print of a bear... Nope there ain't. I don't bother the bears and the bears don't bother me... 

I mentioned to Anna about the hummer's feeder... and the vanilla I put in the mix... I guess I am the only one who has drunken humming birds! This is a dry county... and she also stated that I was serving alcohol to minors... the ATF was gonna get me for having an illegal bar and that I was in deep dew dew...Wowser! all this trouble coming my way just because I feed the birds? What next? Sheesh!

Oh and yesterday, I saw all kinds of patterns left by my fly guys... Gettin in their air time... wasn't tic tac toe this time... was a diff pattern... kind of reminded me of Celtic runes or sumfin... Can't pull the info out of the attic right now... Maybe it'll come back to me later...

Let's see here... checked on the plants and trees yesterday late... Butterfly bush is growing and blooming like crazy...the red buds and mimosa are doing great also... and, grumble mumble, so are the weeds!

Meems didn't get a darned thing done yesterday so I guess I will need to double up and get twice the amount of nothing done today... I got up early this morning and maybe I should do some cover diving... sounds good to me...lolol 

Later all of mine... hugs and much love... remember to be kind to one another and to do sumfin silly! meems

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Navy Petty Officer Mike Monsoor

PO2 (EOD2) Mike Monsoor, a Navy EOD Technician, was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously for jumping on a grenade in Iraq , giving his life to save his fellow SEALs.

During Mike Monsoor's funeral in San Diego , as his coffin was being moved from the hearse to the grave site at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery , SEALs were lined up on both sides of the pallbearers route forming a column of twos, with the coffin moving up the center. As Mike's coffin passed, each SEAL, having removed his gold Trident from his uniform, slapped it down embedding the Trident in the wooden coffin.
The slaps were audible from across the cemetery; by the time the coffin arrived grave side, it looked as though it had a gold inlay from all the Tridents pinned to it. This was a fitting send-off for a warrior hero.

This should be front-page news instead of the crap we see every day.

Since the media won't make this news, I choose to make it news by forwarding it onto you guys. I am proud of our military and the men and women who serve in it. They represent the highest and finest values of this country. 

Go in safety and be at peace Mine... Paula Rice

Thank you JCC

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2008/10/7 1229 EST...

Well, gee whiz! Now I've lost the pics... What do be happening here? Changes again, I suppose...do wish the 'powers that be' would leave things alone for a while... Have never understood the NEED to fix sumfin if it ain't broke... Well, that's enuf about that... lololol Gots to complain some... I think the heat is gettin' to me...

Let's see here... The Boss now has a full complement of Mod's in the EJG...Good choices, Boss... Not that he needs it, but he has my approval. Congrats, Meowmom... you have lucked out... they might be brats, but them is good ppl! lolol

Marv has already been complaining mightily about the News not being on time... Ol Bear has done a big gotcha on this innocent lil ol lady! KK has bugged me on IM... and her kitties have sent me several messages while she was outside talking to a neighbor... 

If you want to know all the inside scoop on somebody, just ask their cats! Cats are liver lips and will tell you everything... and then some... so just be warned all ppl owned by cats! Cats never miss a thing! lolol Hmmmmm.... wowser...Oh boy... Well, I have enuf on her now to black mail her... live in diamonds and minks the rest of my life... Now if I could just get the last bit of code translated.......

And now, I must get some work done with the magic brushes... lady who commissioned some paintings has been asking a friend about them...HINT HINT! lolol

I am out of here and off to the studio... will check the mail once in a while...

Take care all of my loved ones... Go in safety always...Remember to laff and giggle, tease and prank, do something silly, and love oneself! hugs and love... meems

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2008/8/7 1358 EST...

Well kids... get in here and dry out...Sheesh! This old lady wasn't built to live in the 90 percentile humids! Meems likes nice warm days and chilly nights...or sumfin!

Ok ... Update on the running for President! Rainbow16 and I have been teleconferencing (did I spell that right?) for the last two days... We have decided in the best interests of all that a DUAL presidency is the perfect answer for our country! 

As OlBear has volunteered to be my VP; we, Bow and I, are looking for a VP for her. Any volunteers can pm either of us at our home addresses. We do need another male as I personally don't think that the Bear, as good as he is, can handle more than two women at a time.
Bear's lovely wife, Rose, Rainbow and Me? wowser...That's beyond the call of any duty... Gotcha Bear lolol

I discussed this situation with my buddy and pal, KK... Trust me, she is not the one to approach for helpful info. The first thing she asks me is do I have a 'platform'... PLATFORM? Platform! Hmmm... pondering upon this question. What is platform? Is it harmful? Is it another mouth to feed? What does it eat? Does it travel in herds? Well, shoot!
I run for my 'book'... Platform = a flat surface... 

Ok, flat surface! Well, I have spent a considerable amount of time checking the old body for a flat surface....Nope, can't find a flat surface anywhere! The nearest I can find to 'flat' is the bottoms of my feet and I don't think that's what KK is talking about. And to be honest here, KK is leaning more towards Kermit's Rainbow connection....

Now what do I do? My dual partner is not on line (Truth here... her internet service is down in her area!) and KK is gone till later! 

I WAS gonna talk about the birds and the flowers today... It's amazing the changes which can occur with in a short amount of time.. 

I think I am going to go rest now! My brane is suffering from sensory overload...I am too old for this... lolololol

Later all of mine... go in safety always... Do NOT follow my example! Except for the following: do something silly, laff a lot, love a lot and give lots of unnecessary hugs... love and hugs... meems, the silly!

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