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Who Tracked in the Dirt? ( A Blog for my Christian friends...)
My Christian friends, something is wrong in the Church, and God is upset over it. "The Lord hath a controversy with His people." (Micah 6:2)
Well,who sinned and what was the sin? I am thinkin' it must be pretty serious, because of what God said in 1 Peter 4:17 "For the time is come that judgement must begin at the house of God." God is getting ready to "clean house." So who tracked in all the filth???
We are very good at finding the fault with others, but,,, it might be wise for each of us, considering possible future embarrassment, to check our own footprints. It could just be by using this method we might find the worst offender.
It's always better to own up to it rather than have someone else point it out. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Let's let our prayer be like that of David, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalms 139: 23-24)
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Christian,
Alaska for Sale 
Washington: President B.H. Obomo today stunned the world by announcing a plan to finance the Deficit, new stimulus Bills and the Current Budget. The plan, which is expected to pass by a wide margin in the Democratic controlled Senate is the auctioning to the highest bidder the State of Alaska.
Obomo stated, "The National Debt that I have amassed is greater than the Country will ever be able to repay. This is the most sensible means of returning to a balanced budget. We need to re-assure foreign markets and investors that we don't plan to simply print more money over the weekends and such, as we have been doing recently.
As painful as it may seem to some Americans, some sacrifices will need to be made, by some other Americans, so that this plan will have a chance of working, so that our economy can continue to grow, and create jobs. For this reason my Administration is putting forth the plan to sell Alaska, to foreign interests, for amounts that will hopefully effectively cover costs of the interest on the deficit, new bailout plans and the '12 Budget.
Alaska....Humm, I personally have never been there, and aside from the fact that I'm not really sure where it is, neither I nor other members of this Administration can think of a single redeeming quality that it has. I do know the Ex-Governor is an evil Republican, and a possible Presidential contender in 2012. We feel that Russia or maybe China, will probably jump at the chance to scoop up this valuable real estate. We should get at least 12 or 14 trillion for it.
Another state that we plan on putting on the market right away is Texas. Again, never been there, but I think it borders Mexico. Texas is a little too independent and has talked of seceding anyway. And they also have a couple of evil Republicians running for President. Let some other Dictator worry about those right wing rednecks. I'm thinking Venezuela, or maybe some middle east countries, will be very interested, and it should bring at least ten times the amount Alaska brings"
The teleprompter continued, " We do have a couple more States we are holding in reserve just in case, Idaho is out in the middle of nowhere and no one would miss it, although it isn't worth a lot,,,, and I kinda like the idea of selling off Tennessee. After all, it is the volunteer State, and it does have that crappy country music."
Bidding is expected to begin as soon as possible,, We all knew the Messiah could and would, save the Country!
-- "Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: political satire
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted
If you're not sure what a 710 is
Scroll down
 
 Okay guys,….. you can stop laughing!!
Tags: funny, blonde joke
The Violinist and the Black Panther
There was this violinist that was world famous. He had started playing the violin when just a small child and had practiced it and practiced it and practiced it his whole life. He was by far the best violinist that ever lived. He had played in every concert hall in the world in front of millions and millions of people. he had even been on the Jay Leno Show.
He became so good that he got no enjoyment of playing for people anymore. So, he searched for other venues and reasons to play. Finally he went to deepest darkest Africa and wandered into the thickest most remolt jungle. He found a stump and proceeded to pounce upon it. He started to play, and the most beautiful sounds that were ever heard were coming from his violin.
Slowly all kinds of animals came and just sat down and listened to the stereophonic vibrations that were emininating from his violin. There were great big lions, and tigers, and bears, big old gorillas, and little bitty monkeys. All the beast from the jungle came and just sooped down and soothed down and listened to the music which no human ear had ever heard. And they were so happy,, because they had never heard such beautiful music...
Suddenly out of the brush ran a black panther! He loped past all the other animals and pounched upon the violinist,,, ate him, the violin, bow, stings, everything, chomp chomp chomp. Wiped his mouth and began to walk off. All the other animals said ahhhhh!!! and stood in disbelief. After all, this was the first time they had been so entertained with such magnificent music. One of the lions walked over to the panther and said "Oh man,, why did have to do that for?!?" The panther turned around and said, "Huh?"
Tags: funny story
The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.
The people that live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers.
Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary.
In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house.
They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.
The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques.
If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.
The picture below illustrates the point:
The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency.
Mr. Obama, you are not in a hut in Kenya, or public housing in Chicago.
With all due respect, get your ***** feet off our desk!
Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon..
Tags: Obama, White House
Cowboy Joe Goes to Town
Cowboy Joe decided to take a trip to the big city.. He made the trip ok in his old beat up pickup truck. He arrived at the Hotel and found his way to the front desk to check in.
The desk clerk slides over the register and ask Joe to please sign in. Joe takes the pen and makes an X on the page. He turns to go, and thinks a minute, then turns back around and puts a circle around the X.
The desk clerk catches Joe before he walks off and ask.. "Say, I know a lot of you country folks can't write,, guess you can't read neither. I have seen a lot of yall put an X for their name.. But why did you put a circle around the X?"
"Well, you know how it is," Joe explains, "When us country boys come to the big city, we don't like to give our right name."
-- "Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: funny story, cowboy
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.� At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........Twice a day.
2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
�
3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.�
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.�
I love the next one!!!�
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna( What is this ?- ha ha)�
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.�
PS - I 'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer Dont worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon.
Tags: funny, car, computer
(A timely repost....)
BO Solves National Debt Crisis
Washington D.C.: The President revealed today his reason for signing the new Credit Card Bill into law, the new "National Debt Payment Plan " or (N.D.P.P.).
The national debt has been reported to be only $14.6 Trillion as of today. That's only a couple trillion more than all others countries combined. So what does this mean? It means that, according to the estimated population here in America (296,430,852), each citizen owes $47,403.15. The credit card is the perfect way to bill the American people for what they now owe.
President Obomo said today that citizens would be allowed to use all major credit cards to pay their new debt. He has just signed the Bill to rework the credit card industry just to be sure "all" Americans can pay without being overburdened with credit card interest. The new interest rate max. is set at 38.5%. The new N.D.P.P. charges will show up on next months credit card statements. For the few American that have no card, a new one will will issued.
This is the first major step President BO has taken to lower the "deficit" since being "elected" into office. So why expect the American people to pay for "such" a debt? "Because it's the people's fault," said BO at a press conference at Camp David, "Who else? Money don't grow on trees as we once thought."
BO went on to say that 10% of all the proceeds from the N.D.P.P. or the National Debt Payment Plan, will be going to other countries, to help pay for their debt. Struggling countries like France, Uzbekistanian, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and of course, Venesuala and Cuba, have gladly accepted the proposed donations.
But a couple of Republicans are outraged about such a plan. "It's not the people's fault that the country is in debt. It its the Liberals in Congress and BO's fault. The National Debt Payment Plan (N.D.P.P.) will not work. Some people might not even have $47,403.15 to their name. What about those people?"
"Simply put," quipped BO's teleprompter, "if an American doesn't have $47,403.15 to pay for their outstanding debts, they will have a minimum payment on their credit card, just like they are use to paying now."
It looks like everything is going to be fine now that our new President has solved another national crisis.
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
Texas Heat - Got to love it!!! 
Dear Diary:
May 30th: My husband and I just moved to Texas from up North. Now this is a place that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 10th: It’s really heating up. Got to 100 today! Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
June 14th: Had the backyard landscaped with western Plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze To maintain. No more mowing the lawn for us! Another Scorcher today, but I love it here.
June 30th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 All week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.
July 10th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree Burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a Dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ole' sun in a climate like this.
July 15th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the Car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot Car for lunch, Morgan had died and was swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 20th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order part s!
July 21st: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 Nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even Go inside. Why did I ever come here?
July 22nd: It's 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Dumb repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city!
July 23rd: If another wiseass cracks "Hot enough For you today?" I'm going to strangle him. By the Time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes Are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
July 24th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the car. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
July 25th: The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. How can it WARM UP when it’s already 1000 freakin’ degrees? Doesn't it ever rain in this desert?? Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1700 worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the pool! Even the cactus can't live in this heat!
July 26th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My husband had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Dang the South! WHAT KIND OF A SICK DEMENTED PERSON WOULD WANT TO LIVE HERE!?!??!!
Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon.
Tags: Texas, heat, funny
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