Computer Trouble 

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. 

John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that?  In case I need to fix it again.'

John grinned.  'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit.

"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Computer, funny,

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You just gotta push!
 
 
 
A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with  light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do,  and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin... The Lord explained that  the man was to Push against the rock with all his might...
 
 
 
So, this the man did, day after day.. For many years he toiled from sunup to  sundown, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might!
 
 
 
Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, Feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: (He will do it every time)!  You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't  moved." Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible  and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the  man.
 
 
 
Satan said, "Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough. "That's what the weary man  planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of Prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to The Lord.
 
 
 
"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in Your Service, putting all  my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I  have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter.  What is wrong? Why am I failing?"
 
 
 
The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done.  Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed.
 
 
 
But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back shiny and brown; your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard.   Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that  which you used to have. True, you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be Obedient and to push and to exercise your Faith and trust in my Wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock."
 
 
 
At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He Wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him.  By all means, exercise the Faith that moves mountains, but know that It is still God Who moves The Mountains.
 
 When everything seems to go wrong.........................Just P.U.S.H.
 
 
 
When the job gets you down....................................Just
P.U.S.H.
 
 
 
When people don't do as you think they should........Just P.U.S.H.
 
 
 
When your money is "gone" and the bills are due.....Just
P.U.S.H.
 
 
 
When people just don't understand you ......................Just P.U.S.H.
 
 
 
P = Pray
 
 
 
U = Until
 
 
 
S = Something
 
 
 
H = Happens

"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: faith, God, religion, wisdom

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President B.H. Obomo Deported as Undesirable Alien

UP News Washington D.C.   This week after a normal post overseas trip  visit to the Doctor and a physical, President Obomo was found to have illegal drugs in his system.   Dr. Felix Wonderhoven, the White House physician immediatley called in the F.B.I. for futher inverstigation.   After reviewing the test and interviewing both the Doctor and BO, it was determined that indeed something amiss had happened on his recent trip to South America. 

As agents delved deeper into the case, it was found that BO had no proof of citizenship in the United States.  As a result of this finding, and the fact a felony had been commited, BO was quitely deported as an undesirable illegal alien and sent to his country of orgin, Kenya.  

Rumors have it that BO plans to run for office in Kenya since 65% of the countries population claim to be kin to him. 

Joe Biden was immediatly sworn in as President, and has moved into the Oval Office.  When ask by reporters about the abrupt changes, Biden told supporters not to worry, the teleprompter was not deported and will remain in charge.  The stealing of America will continue as planned. 

Stay tuned!!  

-- 

"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Political Satire

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National Vehicular Nose Picking Ban 
 

Washington:  PUT ALL YOUR FINGERS WHERE I CAN SEE EM!  Citing marked increases in loss of life and the obvious health and highway safety risks involved, the President is putting American drivers on notice: "When this bill becomes law, you'll either keep your fingers on the wheel' or face stiff fines and prison," exclaimed  President O'bama. 

Initial reactions to the proposal have been met with doubt, skepticism and outright disbelief. "Some people insist it's a joke," Barry admitted, "but I assure you, it snot!  It's for your own good."

Following the litany of other such laws, including a ban on cell phones, smoking, eating, changing clothes, applying makeup, reading, sleeping or sex acts, it's no real surprise that someone would sniff this one out. 

The slogan, "Don't Pick It or Ticket" is already being imprinted on bumper stickers to promote awareness of the addition to local legal requirements that will be displayed on city, county and state trooper cruisers. 

In just the first quarter of 2011, nearly 2 accidents on American streets and roads have been attributed to drivers grossed out by other drivers or their passengers with fingers lodged deeply in their nostrils. Most of the affected drivers were so overcome that they either lost control of their own vehicles and either collided with other cars or left the road and overturned.

The surprising thing about this issue is that drivers aren't the only ones subject to the conditions of the impending law. B.O. explained that anyone inside a moving vehicle is punishable by fine and jail time if found guilty of pokin' the ole proboscis, unless the vehicle has tinted windows completely obscuring the offense.

The new law is definitely nothing to sneeze at! Our PINO always puts the important issues first!!

"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Political Satire

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NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: funny

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Alaska for Sale

Washington:   President B.H. Oboma today stunned the world by announcing a plan to finance the Current Budget and pay the deficit down.  The plan, which is expected to pass by a wide margin in the Democratic controlled Senate  is the auctioning to the highest bidder the State of Alaska.

Oboma stated,   "The National Debt that I have amassed is greater than the Country will ever be able to repay.  This is the most sensible means of returning to a balanced budget.  We need to re-assure foreign markets and investors that we don't plan to simply print more money over the weekends and such.

As painful as it may seem to some Americans, some sacrifices will need to be made, by some other Americans, so that this plan will have a chance of working, so that our economy can continue to grow, and create jobs. For this reason my Administration is putting forth the plan to sell Alaska, to foreign interests, for amounts that will hopefully effectively cover costs of the deficit, bailout plans and the '12 Budget.
 

Alaska.... I personally have never been there, and aside from the fact that I'm not really sure where it is, neither I nor other members of this Administration can think of a single redeeming quality that it has. I do know the former Governor is an evil Republican, and a possible Presidential contender in 2012.  

We feel that Russia or maybe China, will probably jump at the chance to scoop up this valuable real estate.  We should get at least 13 or 14 trillion for it.

Another state that we plan on putting on the market right away is Texas.   Again, never been there, but I think it borders Mexico.  Texas is a little too independent and has talked of seceding anyway.  Let some other Dictator worry about the right wing rednecks.  I'm thinking Venezuela, or maybe some middle east countries, will be very interested, and it should bring at least ten times the amount Alaska brings"

Oboma continued, " We do have a couple more States we are holding in reserve just in case,  Idaho is out in the middle of nowhere and no one would miss it, although it isn't worth a lot, and I kinda  like the idea of selling off Tennessee. After all it is the volunteer State, and it has that crappy country music."

Bidding is expected to begin as soon as possible,,  We all knew the Messiah could and would, save the Country!

--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Political Satire

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Barry Sells the Whitehouse

Washington, DC - If they only knew… Jackie "O" would roll over her grave, Nancy Reagan would demand to have her dishes back, and the ghost in the Lincoln bedroom would pack her sheets and look for a better place to haunt. Why? Because the unthinkable has happened, and they're all moving out… BO has sold the White House!

Please say it isn't so, Barry!

"The American people need to trust me and know that I will do what is best for them. In this time of financial crisis, sacrifices will have to be made by all. Congress would not give me the money to continue the unlimitied spending, so I had to find the money somehow. Who needs a house that big anyway? You could darn near land a plane in the living room. Heck, we'll be better off as a people without it. Trust me, it's the best thing," BO. told reporters

But, Barry!

He was very hesitant to answer any questions as to who the buyer was or how much they paid for the property. "Let's just say we got a very good price for it and we sold it to a family we can trust. They are as committed to changing  America as we are. And they had the cash on hand since oil prices have skyrocketed."

Oh Barry!!

When asked why he would not discuss the terms of the sale, he said it was because  most of the negotiations were done overseas. "There are issues that are still being worked out. The way things are going in the middle east this family may need a home soon.  But this time I won't need to bow as I did before, just present the King with the keys."

Barry Barry,Barry,,,,,,,

--
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Political Satire

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Face on the Obama Sandwich

Face of The Obama on sandwich; Texas woman 'blessed by the holy toast'

A miracle in the small college town of Denton, Texas, where a local woman credits her half-eaten toasted cheese sandwich, purportedly showing the image of The Obama, with the unexpected refinancing of her mortgage, allowing her to keep her job of ten years, and the overnight disappearance of certain embarrassing warts.

Her son put images of the cheese sandwich online two days ago and the hits already number in the millions.

As thousands converge on the peaceful north Texas town, Wilma Wonderhoven proudly shows the miraculous sandwich to neighbors and friends, saying "I was astonished, amazed."

"I was making my lunch back on Sunday just like I always do, but when I opened the toaster and took a bite, I saw a face looking up at me - it was his face - his jug-eared face - like a gift from heaven, staring back at me."

"It was just a total shock," she said, describing her initial sight of the mysterious morsel, which is, she says, "just as fresh as the day God made it."

"My life has changed forever." 

She believes its mystical properties have brought her tangible blessings, including $50 won last week in a Louisiana casino, the mysterious refinancing of her mortgage, and the appearance twenty laying hens in her back yard.

Wonderhoven has already had offers in excess of $100K for the sandwich remains. 

The Obama is truely a blessing!

The cheese was American-made.

Tags: Political Satire

36 comments View Entry

A friend sent this to me and although I have seen it before, I thought it would be a good reminder for us.. So here is my letter to our PINO...

Dear Mr. President:


I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask for your assistance.  

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the US into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. 

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.  

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over.

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 

1. Free medical care for my entire family.  

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.  

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.  

4. I want my granddads to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bilingual) teachers.  

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.  

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.  

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.  

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.  

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico but I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. 

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo to leave me alone from their president, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.  

11. I plan to fly the US flag from my house top, put U. S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th, and I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.  

12. I would also like to have a job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.  

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.  

14. I want to receive free food stamps.  

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.  

16. I'll need income tax credits, so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government. 

17. Please arrange so that the Mexican government pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.  

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me at no cost into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income at retirement.  

Since the US already does all of these things for his people who walk over to the US from Mexico, I'm certain that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. 

Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!

"Don't worry bout the mule goin blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."

Tags: Politics,

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