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Viewing 37 - 45 out of 104 Blogs.
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The Rain Dance
One year while I was in High School I went on Wheat Harvest with a local crew. The equipment consisted of three combines, three grain trucks, the bosses pickup truck and an old cheapo bumper pull travel trailer, The crew was the boss and six workers. We would start custom cutting wheat in Texas in May and work up to South Dakota by end of summer.
We had been working for a month and were in the very top of the Texas Panhandle. It was so hot and dry. We worked light to dark every day and only got off when it rained. It had been over a 100 degrees every day and was so dry your spit would evaporate before it hit the ground.
Me and my buddy Worland had just about had enough.. One scorching hot day at lunch break we decide to sneak off behind the trucks and do a rain dance. We knew how cause we had seen them in cowboy movies growing up. We danced our hearts out!!
Nothing happens right then, but things changed later in the afternoon. About five o'clock we could see a cloud building in the west. Within a hour it was covering the sky and the thunder was rolling. Before we knew it,, it started to hail. and the hail was getting bigger and bigger. The boss gathered us all up in his pickup, yes all of us, and headed for the farmers barn.
The hail got worse and by the time we got to the barn the hail was softball size and bigger. It beat the windshields out of all the trucks. It beat the chrome off all the trucks. It put hundreds of dents them all over really bad. It beat holes in the radiators of the combines. It ruined the wheat crop for miles and miles around.
Well, me and Worland knew that it was our fault. The rain dance we did was just too powerful! We both swore an oath to never again do a rain dance. And that's why to this day,,,I can't do a Rain Dance....
Oh we did get a few days off while the trucks and combines were repaired and the boss found other places to cut wheat...
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: life,
The Great Depression Survival Package
WASHINGTON D.C. -- President B.H. Obomo and Congressional Democrats unveiled a "Great Depression Survival Package" for American citizens on Monday to much fanfare.
Together with Vice President Joe Biden, former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Senator Harry Reid, BO showed off the components of the package.
"When the Great Depression of 2011 hits later this year, just open your government-supplied "Great Depression package," said BO "and you will be ready to weather any storm. With this kit you will be well prepared as your job disappears, your home is foreclosed, and your car is repossessed."
The Great Depression Survival Package contains everything a penniless, homeless and out-of-work American family needs to cope with the ravages of economic depression just like in the 1930s.
"The package contains a high quality, made-in-China 55 gallon oil drum, perfect for burning newspapers to keep you, your family, and your neighbors warm even on the coldest nights," said BO.
Biden displayed another feature of the package: a spacious heavy duty cardboard refrigerator carton "which will prove to be high end shelter for you and your family even on the coldest nights. The deluxe carton will keep your family dry and close together like in pioneer times."
"Finally, the kit includes a refurbished shopping cart, a jug of Thunderbird wine, and a list of all the local soup kitchens and restaurants with dumpsters in your area," said BO to much applause.
"We, the Government, promised change and have done our best to change you into our vision of America" BO added, " What would you do without us!" -- "Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
You Might Be A Redneck, A Closer Look
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I am one of those. If you feel the same then you are one too.
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
I have always known I are a "REDNECK" . How about you?
Tags: redneck
B.O. Solves the Immigration Problem
(Tijuana, Mexico), Felix Gonzales, a 33 year old Mexican, says he would still like to live in the United States even though his country now has a higher standard of living.
"The only reason is I have family there", Gonzales explained to a reporter. "Mexico is a better country, the weather is better, the food is better, there are more jobs, housing is cheaper and most US jobs are coming here."
Gonzales claims that since the US started entering a recession he can make better money and enjoy a better quality of life in Mexico. "On second though, maybe I'll just bring my family here", Gonzales conceded.
The US is faced with a shrinking dollar, plummeting housing costs, inflation, massive federal debt, tremendous war bills, job layoffs, skyrocketing fuel costs, inferior schools and international competition among other things. Mexico, on the other hand, is growing and prospering from the policies of the US government..
One US official said that one of the reasons for the US recession is because the US has not been deporting illegal aliens back to their own country, and have not stopped the stream of illegals crossing the border. This has sapped the US taxpayers out of billions in welfare support for these illegals.
The Mexican Government is considering putting up a fence along the US border to keep Americans out as the US declines from the policies of the Socialist now in power in Washington.. Looks like BO has finally solved the immigration problem....We all knew he could.
-- "Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire, Immigration
God's Extras
God could have made the sun to rise Without such splendor in the skies;
He could have made the sun to set Without a glory greater yet.
He could have made the corn to grow Without that sunny, golden glow;
The fruits without those colors bright, So pleasant to the taste and sight;
And caused the apple tree to bloom Without the scent that doth perfume
Those dainty blossoms, pink and white, That fill our hearts with sheer delight.
He could have made the oceans roll Without such music for the soul--
The mighty anthem, loud and strong-- And birds without their clear sweet song.
The charm of kittens' dainty grace, The dimples in a baby's face--
All these are "extras" from His hand, Whose love we cannot understand.
The God who fashioned flow'rs and trees, Delights to give us things that please.
And all His handiwork so fair His glory and His love declare.
Yes, He who made the earth and skies Gave "extras" for our ears and eyes,
And while my heart with rapture sings, I thank Him for the "extra things."
--Margaret K. Fraser
Tags: God, poems
Texas Independence, 1836
TEXAS INDEPENDENCE DAY
This is the day that the Texicans won their independence from Mexico. After a short war, this independence was won at the Battle of San Jancito, April 21, 1836. Maybe it's time for us (Texas) to do this again, Below is a repost of a Blog I did a while back. The reason I repost it because of the letter of William B. Travis. "Remember the Alamo, Remember Goliad!" I recently was reading a political,blog. One of the lines in the Heading was Patrick Henry's "Give me Liberty or give me Death." This got me to thinking about our forefathers and the courage and grit they had. From the Revolution War, the War for Texas Independence, the Civil War, and all the way thru to today, Americans have stood for their beliefs, even unto death. Will we do the same??? Do Americans today have the fortitude to stand and fight? I know the men and women who serve in the military do, but do we common people still have it? Read below the letter from William B. Travis at the Alamo. He and the defenders of the Alamo knew they were facing certain death. They for the most part were not trained soldiers but only citizens willing to die for freedom and liberty. Fellow citizens and compatriots; I am besieged, by a thousand or more of the Mexicans under Santa Anna. I have sustained a continual Bombardment and cannonade for 24 hours and have not lost a man. The enemy has demanded a surrender at discretion, otherwise, the garrison are to be put to the sword, if the fort is taken. I have answered the demand with a cannon shot, and our flag still waves proudly from the walls. I shall never surrender or retreat. Then, I call on you in the name of Liberty, of patriotism & everything dear to the American character, to come to our aid, with all dispatch. The enemy is receiving reinforcements daily and will no doubt increase to three or four thousand in four or five days. If this call is neglected, I am determined to sustain myself as long as possible and die like a soldier who never forgets what is due to his own honor & that of his country. Victory or Death. William Barret Travis Lt. Col. Comdt. P.S. The Lord is on our side. When the enemy appeared in sight we had not three bushels of corn. We have since found in deserted houses 80 or 90 bushels and got into the walls 20 or 30 head of Beeves. Travis Notice the phrases "I will never surrender or retreat" and "Victory or death" Today we are surrounded by enemies on all sides, ready to take away our freedom and liberty, and they are being reinforced daily. The question we each have to ask ourselves is this...When the time comes will we stand and cross the line drawn in the dirt as these heros did, or run, or surrender? They bought General Sam Houston valuable time to assemble and train his army for the coming battle.
Look inside yourself and make your decision now, be ready, be prepared, the time is near.
P.S. "The Lord is on our side"
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: politics, Texas
U. S. Bankrupt
WALL STREET, NEW YORK - The Dow Jones was in free-fall Friday, as international investment firms lowered the credit worthiness of the US to the "Avoid Like the Plague" level. With no other options to pursue, the US Treasury Department announced, last night, that it was defaulting on the $14 trillion US national debt, and declaring bankruptcy.
President B. H. Obombo commented, "We thought we could get away with unlimited spending on our 'Spend now pay later' agenda, along with taking over the national economy . How could anyone know that just a few more trillion dollars would bring about such a catastrophe? The United States Government now needs a Bailout!"
President B.O. has been appealing to the world's leading industrial nations, to try to obtain emergency financial assistance to prop up the United States' rapidly crumbling infrastructure. Leaders of Canada and 'Old Europe' so far, remain cool to the suggestion, stating that they have a lot of problems of their own to deal with. However, the French have offered a 'relief package' of 300,000 gallons of Bordeaux wine.
B.O. will be making a non-stop shuttle trip this week, (promising not to buzz any cites in Air Force One), to visit the leaders of the nations that had formally supported the US, but the outlook for help seems dim. China is the largest lender to the U.S. and today demanded that the U.S. Government sign over to them all the companies that were taken over with the spendulus packages. China also said they were interested in the U.S. Military and offered to call it square if the U.S. Military, NASA, and NASCAR were outsourced to them, along with the Nationalized Cooperations. The PINO told a crowd of oogling reports today that He was sure his buddies in the Middle East would be happy to bailout the U.S. "They have the cash and I have already bowed down before their King," B.O. continued, " so they know that we will do anything it takes."
The Democratic leaders of Congress were quick to blame George Bush, and put their faith in B.O.s ability to bullsh*t the American public into going along. Soup lines are forming across America as we speak. Do you perfer tomato or potato with your Bordeaux??
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
Barry O. goes Pro!!
Speaking on condition of anonymity, several White House sources are rumored to have stated privately that President B. H. Obama has decided not to run for re-election in 2012 after all.
Apparently, based upon his performance during his daily pickup basketball games at the White House, the President is said to have been overheard mentioning that he has decided to take up a basketball career, in the NBA. His preferred team would be the Chicago Bulls, which would of course change it's name to the Chicago Bullsh*t
Several of these same White House sources also shared their opinion that "the President must be dreaming, he don't have any more of a chance making it in the NBA than he does of being re-elected President."
For their part, the Chicago Bulls organization have denied rumors of drafting President Obama as a rookie point guard. In addition, they also said it was not true that they have decided to name Rahm Emanuel as their new head coach since he had made BO the player he is today.
Officials with the Bulls organization were quoted as saying that while the President may have done fine in the daily pick up games at the White House, that wasn't the same as being a professional. It would be like a community organizer trying to be the President, (which everyone can see the results of). Also, the telelpromper wouldn't be there to help since it hasn't been fitted for Nikes yet....
Rumor has it Harry Reid has been offered the position of BO's personal water boy....
"Don't worry about the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire
Texas Secedes from the Union, B.H.O. Wrinkles Brow.
TPI News: Monday April 11..... Today in Austin, Rick Perry, Governor of Texas, signed into law the Bill just passed by the Texas Legislature that declares Texas a Republic again on April 21. This is the date of the original Texas independence from Mexico and the tyrant Santa Anna. The Bill, HR1836, was passed 134 to 16 in the House and 25 to 6 in the Senate. Upon hearing the news of Texas secession B.H.O. wrinkled his brow and declared hostility with Texas. He also immediately raised taxes, confiscated all guns, and ordered Marshall law in the other fiftysix states,,, saying privately it was an excellent excuse.
B.O. has ordered the return of all overseas military units and has proclaimed Texas a Terrorist State and the new Evil Empire, but doubted the reports of weapons of mass destruction.
B.O. also told reporters that Texas is full of evil right wing conservatives......Dangerous Cowboys and Rednecks who want to cling to their guns and Bibles. He further stated that if Texas didn't do what he wanted, he would run tell on them to the U.N. Security Council.
The other members of the Security Council declined to take any action as usual, and since Texas is an oil producing country, OPEC has doubled crude oil prices.
The world looks on as the crisis continues......
"Don't worry bout the mule goin' blind, just hold the lines and load the wagon."
Tags: Political Satire, Texas
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