Okay-my wife's friend cater to her elderly Jewish parents. I can respect that. They're Kosher-on restricted diets-no problem-but this year put out some other food besides rotten deviled eggs ,cheeses, and salads. I want real food-something I can sink my teeth into. Give me steak, chicken, beef, pork, corned beef-isn't that Kosher enough? My choices shouldn't be limited to baby carrots ,cherry tomatoes, celery, lettuce, and several varieties of unsalted nuts. What am I? a squirrel?

Every other family and friends on the block had platters of cold cuts: humongous heroes filled with sausages, meatballs, turkey, roast beef and veal- even dishes filled with lobster and shrimp. There were grills with hamburgers and hotdogs ,barbecued chicken, and ribs. Beer was flowing out of bottles on every table...except ours !!!

We had borscht,(yucch) and diluted lemonade and iced tea for the little brats that were exploding water balloons all over the table and eating cotton candy from one of the free stands. Hey?? How about a nice porterhouse steak for our table?

Anyway, I told my wife either to get new friends who live on our side of the George Washington Bridge or else I'm bringing some fried chicken and a sausage parmesan hero that I can heat up in her friend's microwave ...for me. AND a 6 pack of Heineken Premium Light . . If my wife hadn't brought Dunkin Donuts and mesquite BBQ potato chips last year, I would have certainly starved.

I'm not going there to stare at low sodium ziti with no sauce and some shrubbery with dressing I'm supposed to think is food. I'm in no way being disrespectful to the elderly Jewish couple but this is not a Passover meal and I'm not Bugs Bunny.!!

So,these prognosticators and elite forecasters have decided that many of the unheralded weather terms be given their duly deemed nomenclature. For example, there's the front known as Stationary Stanley, Warm Front Wendy, and Rainy Ralph. Breezy Betty and Light Shower Lennie were among the names chosen.

Let's night forget Overcast Oscar and his cousin, Occluded Orville. Misty Monica might bring a tear to allergy sufferers in the summer months while Tropical Storm Tyrone mount be mounting a threat . Cloudy skies Claire might ruin a perfectly good beach day as well as Drizzly Daphne hampering someone's hopes of a tan with Sunny Sally. Watch out for Tornado Terry.

Scientists have been busy reading the lists of the most popular baby names . The possibilities are endless. Myself? I am partial to Chinook Winds Charlie. So get outside and take a gander at the sky and feel the air caressing your body . We are, after all, just dust in the wind.

That's because in just a month

I'll be seventy.

I am old

I am old

are the harsh words by my daughter

I am told.

Fifty wasn't quite so bad

But sixty was much worse

Now it's time to say goodbye

My next car is a hearse.

I am old

I am old

Old age has put my life

on final hold.

Hey There Hi There Ho There

I'm as ancient as can be

Soon my last breaths coming in my

H-O -U -S -E

Be that as it may, I convinced my wife to go with me to the Javits Center (about an hour drive from our Long Island home). I've always admired beautiful yachts and boats and sailing vessels. I know they are hard to maintain and often stay covered in docks most of the year and with quite costly fees. Two friends of mine and their families have owned boats on Long island . A cousin of mine owns a boat a bit North of us in an area called Rye,NY . He's invited my wife and myself on his boat but we never took him up on his offer.

As far as buying a boat plus the other exorbitant fees in keeping one, to be quite honest, just paying for our cars' insurances and repairs is a draining expense....but you never know. Maybe I'll hit the lottery one day.

Anyway, what we saw at the Javits center was incredible. The place was filled with gorgeous boats of every size..The place was jammed. There must be a lot of really rich folks around yet in these tough financial times. I saw a gigantic yacht with high ceilings, leather sofas, a full kitchen with bedrooms. The electronic gadgets and entertainment centers on so many of these boats is amazing.

I saw cabin cruisers and personal watercraft, fishing boats, sail boats, inboards, outboards, jet drives, runabouts, pontoons...what the hell is a runabout or a pontoon I had to ask someone. My wife and I got quite an education plus learned some new seafaring terminology. Unfortunately there was no Love Boat or pirate ship. I always wanted to walk the plank.

All in all, our trip to the Boat Show was an enjoyable fascinating wonderful experience. On our way home we stopped at a Toys R Us where I purchased a tug boat to put in my bubble bath along with Mr. Ducky

One long shot entry, a diminutive four foot eleven inches jockey, refused to comment when asked by reporters how he felt about this novel race. I"I have to see a man about a horse" was his only response.Another arrogant veteran jockey who was asked to get off his high horse by reporters said if he doesn't finish the race in the top three, he would put himself out to pasture.

ONE other question while I have your attention. A pint of won ton soup or egg drop soup is the same price at this location. . . So why is a mixture that has half as many won tons, a dollar more? They're taking less won tons and putting them in egg drop soup. Why the hell is the price higher? Is it more work to scoop out less won tons? I find this is the same for every take out who sell this mixture. .

Now I love our Chinese take out foods but I don't like getting ripped off. I still need my compulsory egg roll .No more shrimp toast from that place anymore .My chicken in oyster sauce and won ton soup  and obligatory egg roll will have to suffice. 

These great tasting watermelons, some the size of distended basketballs, provide us with vitamin "C",beta carotene, lycopene, and other antioxidants with no fat or cholesterol. Our daughter is just as nuts about our backyard trees as we are. "The watermelon doesn't fall far from the tree". But if it falls on your head, you'd better be checked for a concussion.