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The ginormous Boeing 949 super luxurious jet is now taking reservations for its maiden trans American flight leaving JFK airport in New York City for LAX in Los Angeles, California. The 949 jet is the size of three football fields and will contain the world's first on board Olympic size swimming pool. Swimming at such high altitudes is considered to be the ultimate in exercising . Be assured that a highly trained life guard will be available during the flight and lounge chairs by the pool equipped with seat belts for take offs and landings in compliance with aviation requirements. Between the George Washington and Golden Gate,passengers will be saying that's "water over the bridge" while enjoying their laps of luxury.
THE TIME IS RIGHT. THE WEATHER IS PERFECT. TIS THE SEASON FOR PLANTING RIGHT IN OUR BACKYARD. I'M TALKING ABOUT MY GARDEN..NOT YOUR TYPICAL GARDEN . THIS IS MY FIRST PLUNGE INTO THE GROWING POPULAR FROZEN VEGETABLE GARDENING.NO REASON TO WORRY ABOUT INSECTS OR SLUGS OR HORN WORMS OR EVEN RABBITS (ALBEIT WE DON'T GET MANY AROUND HERE). MY WIFE AND I HAD OUR SOIL ANALYZED BY THE NEW YORK CITY HYDROPONIC AND PYROTECHNICAL PROFESSIONALS WITH THEIR GREEN AND RADIATED THUMBS. OUR SOIL IS TEEMING WITH FROZEN EARTHWORMS AND MICROBES AND HAS THE RIGHT MIXTURE OF INGREDIENTS: 50% COMPOST AND 60 % TOPSOIL. THE EXTRA 10% IS OVER THE TOP.!!! OUR FERTILE FROZEN SOIL ALSO CONSISTS OF ORGANIC MATTER SUCH AS COMPOST LEAVES AND SHREDDED AGED BARK.MY WIFE AND I HAVE CAREFULLY SELECTED SOME FROZEN VEGETABLES WE BOTH LIKE OFFERING A VARIETY WE CAN MAKE A DELICIOUS HEALTHY FROZEN VEGETABLE MEDLEY FROM. I WILL BE PLANTING SOME ICONIC GREEN GIANT CORN AND PEAS, BIRDS EYE CARROTS, AND SEA BROOK SPINACH. MY WIFE IS INTO A BIT MORE NATURAL FROZEN VEGETABLES. PLANTING HER FROZEN VEGGIES WILL INCLUDE CASCADIAN FARMS EDAMAME AND PICTSWEET SQUASH.THESE FROZEN BRANDS SELECTED I AM PLANTING WE CHOSE BELIEVING THEY ARE THE HIGHEST OF QUALITY. BEING FROZEN ,THEY ARE LESS LIKELY TO INCUR MANY OF THE DISEASES AND CONTAMINANTS THAT TYPICAL VEGETABLES MIGHT BE SUBJECT TO. EVEN SNOW WON'T HARM OUR DELICIOUS BEAUTIFUL GROWING FROZEN VEGETABLES.
NEXT YEAR I'LL BE PLANTING FROZEN POTATOES TOO. I'VE YET TO CLEAR A SPACE WHERE OUR GIANT REDWOOD TREE STANDS. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE SPRING WHEN OUR FROZEN GARDEN OF EATING VEGETABLES WILL BE RIPE FOR PICKING.
Peter Pan Airways has announced its new SKY BUS transportation line starting in March of 2020. Test shuttle flights between New York and Boston have proved to be very successful with some very happy riders. The SKY BUS was created by the merger of United Air Minds and Grey Crowned corporations . Using refurbished engines of defrocked Concorde jet planes, the Peter Pan SKY BUS ensures quality and speed to all its destination in cities throughout the USA. While plans to include overseas flights are planned, the Coronavirus panic must first subside. SKY BUS will never never land outside the USA until the growing crisis is resolved . The main reason for this is that the SKY BUS lift offs are only accomplished with at least 75% of the passengers thinking happy thoughts. These buses remain grounded until happy thoughts dominate the bus. Like the peanut butter, Peter Pan Airways always insure smooth flights.
Are those Boston Baked Beans or Boston Cream Pie really from Boston? . Just maybe those baked beans are from Newark or Hackensack, New Jersey. Is that Alaskan Snow Crab really from Alaska? How do you know your Ipswich or Little Neck clams come from those areas or Peconic Bay Oysters really from the Peconic Bay? The answer is ..We really don't know. My South African Lobster Tail I ate the other night? How does anybody know it didn't swim to South Africa from Maine or vice versa? New Zealand lamb? For all we know that lamb might have come from Brazil? Maryland Crab Cakes? Who's to say those crabs were not hanging out off some town in Cape Cod? I think it's about time we had some proof. Now when I order my Norwegian Salmon at a local diner,I feel secure it's from Norway as I often see a Viking ship in the parking lot with its dragon head protruding from the bow. Now Chilean Sea Bass you might order from a menu is not bass at all. It's none other than a Patagonian Toothfish found in the icy depths of waters in the Atlantic and Indian Oceans. Is Mongolian barbecued beef or chicken really from Mongolia? I don't think so. New England Clam Chowder? Really? For all we know, those clams are straight out of the Hudson or Harlem River? California Sunshine Raisins? Oranges from Florida? How do we know they're not from the boondocks of Pennsylvania? Idaho Potatoes? From Idaho? Says who? The list goes on and on and on..."strangers waiting up and down the boulevard". We all know Vermont Maid syrup isn't really from Vermont? You want the real thing. Go to Vermont and tap a tree. It's time to wise up. It's time to know where the food you stuff down your throat is really from.....like it says in the lyrics of the "Who" song, "We Won't Get Fooled Again".
The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists' Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.
He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"
Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because they aren't very friendly there anyway!
A friend of mine named Neil is a marine biologist who works at the Coney Island Aquarium in Brooklyn, New York. He lives nearby in an area called Dyker Heights where he and his wife and two children reside in a huge mansion that has an indoor swimming pool and an Olympic sized aquarium. Aside from some exotic fish, Neil owns a seal named Deal. While a seal sounds like an unusual pet, let me tell you that Deal the Seal is the real deal.
Deal the Seal loves performing tricks and playing with Neil and the children. Deal is let into and out of the swimming pool area through a specially built canal . While Deal is much older than a pup.(yes called the same as a young dog), he still splishes and splashes as he approaches his senior seal years. When his dinner bell rings, a u meal for Deal is something probably not to your appeal unless you like raw herring, shrimp, squid, and lots of crustaceans. When Deal's bell starts to peal, he starts swimming with a lot more zeal.
When visitors come over to Neil's home for the first time, they usually ask,"So Where's the big Deal" instead of "What's the big deal"? trying to be funny..a line that's not funny to Neil anymore. Recently, while performing for some of Neil's Navy buddies (Neil used to be a Navy seal), Deal cut his flipper on a rotating spinning wheel. An aquatic veterinarian was able to put Deal's flipper in a cast so Deal could heal and still swim comfortably uttering his recognizable squeal.
Deal the Seal makes a better pet than a dog or a cat is how Neil's family feels. Neil has contacted several TV networks about filming a mating game show with some much younger sexually active seals called THE NEW LET'S MAKE A DEAL.
I never noticed it before, but in the past few weeks I now realize I have a floater: this tiny black dot that I sometimes see as a shadow or a kind of elusive haze in my right eye that kind of "floats" from my forehead at times and then disappears behind my right cheek like playing hide and seek with me. After researching my microscopic behemoth, I understand that my floater is a clump of collagen deposits found in the vitreous body of the eye, that gel like material covering the back of my eyeball. Floaters are a normal part of aging.
Sudden increases of floaters and flashes of light, however, might indicate a serious need for medical attention like a torn or detached retina. YIKES .!!! Flashes of light? !!! About the last thing I want to experience is the 4th of July fireworks taking place in my eye. Fortunately. most floaters are harmless and sometimes go away entirely or shrink after a few weeks or months .....but I'm not waiting that long to find out.
Now I've thought of a natural way to get rid of my floater: Drown the little sucker. !! After all, my floater does not have a life guard. Nope. No Pamela Anderson of Baywatch or other bikini clad babe are sitting on my eyebrow like it's a beach. No life preserver on my eyelashes either. So I decided to submerge my head into a bathtub half filled with water and without my Aqua Man goggles i usually wear when I take a bath. I plunged my head dozens of times for about an hour into the bottom of the tub for a minute or two at the most. I just wanted to drown my annoying floater, not kill myself. I'm not stupid. I always come up out of the lukewarm water for air.
The results are in. Don't try this at home. My floater is still there. Yes, the little bastard is just a really clean varmint now. The side effects of my treatment to rid myself of this impish little floater is a bruised and bleeding scalp and some chips in the bathtub porcelain where I kept bumping my head.
A new species of birds is flourishing in the volcanic archipelago in the South Pacific's Gallup Poll Islands known as the Jelly Bird. (Spezilla welchus). These small birds are just slightly larger than a hummingbird with glacial striations on their colorful wings making them easy to identify by their discoverer, Charles Welch, heir to the grapes of wrath fortune, hence the name Jelly Bird. Jelly birds are extremely graceful in the air often seen flying in small groups uttering a piercing shriek. While being graceful, they lack the stamina to fly very far or very long. They usually can be found nesting in the cliffs and rocks of the Gallup Poll Islands. Their diet consists of small insects and seeds. an occasional baby long horned toad, iguana embryo, baby finches, or chocolate macadamia nuts. Jelly Birds clean themselves in the sand twisting their tiny bodies over and over. This phenomenon is known as the jelly roll often bouncing up and down off their jelly belly. A new expedition led by the world famous philatelist, Admiral Byrd and first mate .Buzzard Adrift, recently reached the Gallup Poll Islands to learn more about the Jelly Bird habits and lifestyle and where the expression came from, "What do you mean, jelly bean? " When Admiral Byrd's vessel. the USS Beagle finally arrived after a long voyage through dangerous and uncharted waters he said." The Beagle Has Landed,"
In The Tune Of...never mind...you'll figure it out.
Aliens from Saturn Invaders from Mars E.T.s from Neptune
and far away stars
Alpha Centaurians Mercurians too Venusians with ray guns Coming here to melt you
Will they beat us? Will they eat us? Defeat us...Woooee
Giants from Jupiter Coming here soon To poison our oceans and blow up the moon
Invisible beings Little Green men On Earth to destroy us We just don't know when
Devastation Annihilation Termination Woooee
....."BREATHE DEEP" and DIE
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