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Fans of winter sports are ecstatic with a very family oriented and communal competition that will also be part of the 2022 Olympics in Beijing. I'm talking about the latest craze in winter sports that finally has achieved a competitive status: ..... Competitive Snowman and Snow Woman building.
Competition has already begun in places like Greenland, Newfoundland, and Alaska where natural snow is available almost all year round. "You make me feel like a natural snow woman" is the motto for these competitions,the song made so popular by Aretha Franklin.
Teams will consist of 4 people who have 30 minutes with one time out to build their snowman or snow woman. Youngsters as young as 5 years old can be on a team with a note from their parent,legal guardian, or significant other. Aside from strictly enforced snow building rules, any competitors having a snow ball fight will disqualify their whole team.
All the teams will be given the same materials and judges will vote on the most original lifelike snow person built. Among the materials every team is supplied with includes carrots, hats, watermelon, cantaloupes, oranges, pipes, Brillo, sponges, custard, oatmeal, jello and custard puddings, cauliflower, buttons, and licorice as well as hundreds of other items so creativity becomes the goal shared by the competitive snowman and snow woman teams.
This frosty competition might someday replace ice hockey and skiing as the favorite winter sport
The day of Thanksgiving was finally here but Johnny's grandmother had a pain in her rear.
She couldn't even open her recipe book or prepare any meal she had wanted to cook.
The pain from her hemorrhoids was just so severe she muffled her cries so Johnny couldn't hear. Her Motrin did nothing and the cremes she applied did little to quell her deep pain inside.
Her plans for the turkey little Johnny would eat was like a rock in the freezer she dare not reheat.
And then little Johnny had a wonderful thought He defrosted a drumstick his grandmother had bought.
"I think you'l feel better". he said to his granny "If you shove this huge drumstick way up in your fanny".
And just moments later, came an encouraging word "My ass feels much better" is what little Johnny heard.
Then seeing the smile from his grandma's relief he opened the frig and took out a corned beef.
The NASA Space Center in Houston has discovered some fascinating beyond belief facts after putting together images from its Voyagers 1 and 2 and its Ancient Mariner's Fly By night photographs of our sun. Scientists say these spacecraft all sent back photos of ice bergs on the sun. What was once thought of being impossible is a reality. Now on the Earth, it is estimated that if all the ice bergs and glaciers melted, sea level here would rise about 270 feet. Now if this happened on our sun, it certainly would not shine as bright on any old Kentucky homes. It would take a Titanic heat wave to melt these ice bergs on the sun and any ship of fools even know that's not happening for another couple of billion years.
These ice bergs on the sun are located by the sun's exterior in an area scientists call the solar erogenous zone. Here it is estimated that temperatures reach a high of 76 degrees during the day and drops to a low of about 40 degrees every night. Indeed such conditions could support human life with evenings made comfortable using just satin sheets . I'm sure you've all heard of nights in white satin. !!! You might need a heavier blanket in the wee hours of the morning when "the sun also rises ". It does get more chilly,however, during a "total eclipse of the sun" and during the sun's winter months when any snowbirds living there would probably want to migrate for Florida.
One would need a lot of sun tan lotion living on the sun..SPF 60 at the minimum . I think pair of Foster Grant polarized sun glasses would be recommended as well as ear plugs. Why? It can get quite noisy living on the sun as ole sol is continuously blowing up..that is nuclear fission is taking place every second converting 600 millimeters of hydrogen to helium but balloon flying is not something you'd want to try.
As more data comes in about possible landing sites on our brilliant celestial neighbor, that warm cozy feeling of where to vacation next will be exciting many people who wish to not be near any of the volcanoes in Hawaii or planning any trips to the moon. Who would want to go there.? It's kind of boring if you ask me. No atmosphere.The choice is clear if you want to brighten your day. Pretty soon a lot of folks can really look forward to seeing the light and don't have to worry about daylight savings time either.
Everyday Living Discussions THE KIDS HAVE TO LEARNPosted by Mark 9 Seconds Ago Edit My wife and I went to a party this afternoon..a birthday party for a one year old...son of a close friend of our daughter. Lots of little kids there and hosts hired some children's entertainers, ...a woman making animal shaped balloons and a clown. Then I saw Mickey Mouse come out of a storage area who the kids were excited to see. BUT now get this...Mickey Mouse changed back into his clown outfit I witnessed...sort of like Clark Kent turning into Superman..I had to tell the little tykes the truth. "Mickey Mouse is a fake" I told the kids."He is multitasking as a clown...probably double dipping extra pay too". The kids looked at me puzzled and then began to cry when I said...No Mickey Mouse and no Santa Claus and no Tooth Fairy and no Easter Bunny and no Princess Warrior or mermaids. These kids gotta learn the truth eventually. I finished my slice of birthday cake and two portions left by folks at our table who left before dessert while watching these kids in tears. "Life is cruel" I told them while my wife told me to zip it. I hopped out of there fast before anyone could say Captain Kangaroo.
Once upon a time there was a hamburger named Chuck, the son of a porter......house , and his mom. a petite skirt steaker with the reputation of having the best buns for miles around. When Chuck's parents were butchered when he was just an infant, his uncle Frank took him in to live with him. While Chuck was a rare natural hamburger,uncle Frank was often an embroiled skinless individual living high off the hog. While he did provide for Chuck and cared for him like a loving father, Frank was a gluten for punishment.
Frank had a sleazy lifestyle hanging out at bars and grills with his cold cut cronies . He was into gambling and when he was on a roll, he would often get burnt and just could not cut the mustard. But his sordid lifestyle changed when he met a cute spicy cocktail waitress at a Hebrew National soiree where he knew something was not kosher at this event. This waitress was a real pig in a blanket named Sabrettelia .After dating for a short period that seemed like a pig's whisper, Frank and Sabrettelia eloped and married in a pig's courthouse.
Sabrettelia was like a mother to Chuck . Chuck loved her . He never really knew his biological parents as he became an orphan at such an early age. Frank became more like a father than an uncle too and gave up his gambling and began a successful catering business with Sabrettelia. As Chuck matured , folks from everywhere praised his uncle and new aunt for making Chuck well done. Folks would cow tow to Chuck as if he was some deity or sacred cow which was the furthest thing from what Chuck wanted to be.
Chuck grew up to be a well respected bovine and got a job at a Trader Joe's where he quickly moved up to the position of the store manager. It was at Trader Joe's where he met a meat cutter named Patty. It was love at first slice. Their love soon developed into a beef consummation . Their wedding was held at a Long Horn Steakhouse. Sabrettelia's cousin Angus supplied the mooosic, He would never steer her wrong. . This shindig went on for days until the cows came home. About 9 months later, Patty gave birth to a tenderizing little ground round they named Sir Loin. They hope one day , he will follow in Chuck's hoof steps and become a real maverick...and that's no bull.
When I entered my local supermarket on a recent morning, I could not help but notice a rather large spider crawling on the floor by the front window. Before anyone could CRY "WOLF....spider ", I grabbed an umbrella from a rack nearby me and poked the critter while it scampered by the wall and squooshed it putting my phobic nemesis out of its misery. YES...its misery. Think about it. Would you want to be a spider? What do you have to look forward to? eating a fly? spinning a web? battling some incredibly shrunk human for a bread crumb? I think not. Sending this arachnid to an early demise was the decent think to do.
Besides, I could not in good conscience allow this creature to roam around the supermarket where some startled frightened customer might encounter it on a shelf and drop or knock over a jar of pickles , mayonnaise, or vinegar. Imagine that cleanup. !!!....and imagine a little old lady with heart condition grabbing that roaming predator while picking up a kumquat in the produce aisle and dropping dead from fright . Yes. Killing that eight legged behemoth was the right thing for me to do. What the hell was Noah thinking letting spiders on his yacht?
That same morning I killed a mosquito too I noticed on a glass door in the freezer aisle by my Java Chip Haagen Dazs . I crushed that little sucker with a quick blow from a tissue in my pocket thus possibly helping reduce the equine encephalitis cases which have been on the rise. . Oh ..the things I do for my country and fellow citizens. !!! These were just two of my many recent contributions to mankind. What have you done lately to benefit the human race?
I've just joined a really vibrant group of folks on Facebook, who, like myself,enjoy studying and discussing and celebrating the lives of fungi, spores, and molds.. This is a dream come true for me. My interest in these organisms even surpasses my love for slugs and other slimy creatures we all love.
The members of fungi, spores, and molds meet once a month in clandestine well guarded places in cities all over the world. Can't you imagine the wild partying and conversations that go on in these secret meetings. i understand that barbecued and pumpkin flavored chips are served there.Now that's really living life on the edge.
My first meeting is appropriately somewhere in Hell's kitchen in Manhattan . i can't wait. I understand that water smuggled in from springs in Poland will be served too. OH BOY !!!!
I did some brief shopping this Saturday morning at one of the local supermarkets I had worked in two days earlier. I was resetting the seltzer section,one of several sections being changed by the merchandising team I work on.
Anyway, the grocery manager approached me and asked why the toothpicks were taken out of the cup and plate section.which had been reset by another team member. First of all, I don't know and I don't care. I explained I did not work in the cup and plate section and said I guess the planogram that was used eliminated the tooth picks. He said he would contact our team captain.....like she wants to be annoyed on our days off about tooth picks. !!!!
I left the store after buying a few essentials for the week coming up: some Devil Dogs, Twinkies, Mallomars, barbecue sauce ,and Nesquick low fat chocolate milk.
Then I started thinking why tooth picks might have been removed from that section....a tree shortage, perhaps a floss revolution , or President Trump's proclamation to export tooth picks to the Orient, possibly for the growing tooth pick thumb torture industry there.
Then I thought to myself, maybe the Tooth Pick Police are searching for illegal drugs in the tooth pock boxes. Then there's the possibility that eye clinics might need tooth picks to keep patient's eyes open while dilating them for eye exams. Of course there might be some tooth pick recall from some tree fungus or national termite protest.
Whatever the reason ,the tooth picks were removed from the shelves in this supermarket, are the least of my worries. As long as my plastic swords I use for my insect collections are there. I can still get a good night's sleep.
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ACHOO
Posted On 08/28/2019 11:06:29
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Doctors at the esteemed Mayo Clinic, the surgeon general, and orthopedic surgeons across the USA are warning people not to try to hold back when they feel a sneeze coming on. A rare fatality in Chicago, Illinois ,of someone suppressing a sneeze happened about a week ago to a Samuel Welker. Mr. Welker was fighting a severe cold for several days and tried to suppress a humongous sneeze rather than spread more germs in his house and to his wife. Mrs. Welker was witness to this first human fatality known to occur in America when her husband's head blew off making him an unsuspecting victim of SSD (Subdued Sneeze decapitation).
Only a handful of subdued sneeze decapitations have been recorded worldwide. The suppressed sneeze causes the lingual bone(the horseshoe shaped bone in the neck).the atlas bone,(first cervical vertebra of the spine), plus vertebra C2 thru C7 to dislodge violently ripping apart the sternocleidomastoid muscle and tearing the thyroid cartilage so that the sneezer's head simply falls out of the neck.
SSD is seen more commonly by veterinarians, zookeepers, and aquarium specialists. Aardvarks. red squirrels, chimpanzees, ferrets, and sperm whales often exhibit this rare subdued sneeze decapitation behavior.
Mrs. Welker has been unable to speak and has been in shock for days since her husband's unexpected lift off. She utters sounds like a Circus Maximus seal and has been sedated since this tragedy. She basically had witnessed what some traffic reporters might call heavy congestion that has finally opened up.
So please be advised not to stifle a sneeze . Depending on who is near you, you might even get blessed. ....so remember to
sneeze the sneeze though your germs may spread or squeeze the sneeze and lose your head.
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