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I saw this beautiful giant tiger swallowtail butterfly (Papilio cresphontes ) fluttering down our block in here in Eastern Queens ,New York ,this past warm sunny Sunday. While seeing swallowtails is uncommon on our block, on many occasions I have seen different swallowtail species flying up or down by our homes now that flowers are pretty much in bloom everywhere in my neighborhood. The swallowtails are the largest of all the butterfly species in North America. Now where this guy or gal was going, I have no clue. We're just a few blocks away from our nearby Alley Pond Park with lots of grass and trees to frolic in. Perhaps, this beautiful visitor to my block was heading farther West toward the Queens Botanical Gardens or less likely on a longer excursion to the Brooklyn Botanical or Da Bronx Botanical Gardens. Then there's the possibility that this giant tiger swallowtail was confused thinking he or she was a monarch butterfly and migrating South with other butterflies of Capistrano toward California or even Mexico if they could fly over the wall. But most likely, I would venture a guess to say that my lepidoptera visitor was just one dumb ass butterfly probably stopping to rest in the middle of a street somewhere or on the Long Island Expressway where he or she would be run over by a tractor-trailer or Mister Softee truck or eaten by one of many stray cats or squirrels roaming our neighborhood.
Dupont Laboratories has introduced the ultimate skillet to add to your arsenal of kitchen appliances. Your cooking will never taste the same or be so easy with this frying pan that has been awarded the Bronze Star Good House Keeping Seal and endorsed by world renowned chefs Wolfman Puck,Jacques Strapp, and Emile LeGastric. ....Introducing the Forever Stick Frying Pan. This space age amazing pan is made of a titanium, plutonium, and Tasmanian alloy. "It's one hell of a frying pan' was quoted singer/actor/restauranteur, Meatloaf.
Food sticks to this frying pan like a paper clip to a magnet. Any food you dump in this pan will not pop out. No need to worry about your omelets or burgers or salmon flying out like in those infused copper and silicon valley coated pans you see advertised by those unscrupulous manufacturers. In fact, when you cook with your Forever Stick Frying Pan, the flavors will mesh as layers and layers of previously cooked foods adhere to what you are cooking. You can enjoy a surf and turf blend of flavor with your bacon flavored grilled mascarpone cheese in every bite.
You'll save hundreds of dollars on those unnecessary messy cans of cooking sprays and there's no clean up needed. No more scouring either so throw away your Brillo and SOS pads unless you stuff them in your fireplace like we do to keep out the mice. Your Forever Stick Frying Pan comes in a kit with a galvanized stainless steel chisel and spatula included with every purchase. It is recommended you remove the three "C"s ( crust,crud,and crap) from your Forever Stick Frying Pan when the layers approach the height of this unique deep cooking phenomenon. In just seconds, your frying pan will be as good as old. So be one of the first to pick up your Forever Stick Frying Pan today sold at your local Walmart, Target, or Bed,Bath,and Really Far Out.
They're not as cute as your typical pet parakeet, canary, or cockatiel. They are resistant to learning tricks. They are physically unable to roll over. They don't enjoy being dressed for Halloween. Ok. So they're not as adorable as a puppy or kitten. There are no kennels for them if you go away on vacation. Everything about them stinks ..and I mean really stinks including their food. Despite all these negative things about them, they make wonderful pets and more and more of them are ending up in homes today as a family's pet.
I am talking about your misunderstood Cathartes aura ,more commonly known as a turkey vulture or turkey buzzard, The turkey vultures are the most widespread of the so called New World vultures found mostly in the warm and temperate areas of the Western hemisphere. These scavenging birds of prey make really amazing lovable pets. It's no wonder I've noticed stores like Petco and Pet Smart are stocking up on turkey vulture food. Even many supermarket chains, Walmart, and Target stores, especially those in the desert regions now include in their pet sections, bags of carcasses and decaying human body parts. Boxes of fresh carrion carry out are now available even in stores like Whole Foods . Purina has recently introduced their line of "Buzzard Bites" for your small, medium,and large birds as well as several varieties of Buzzfeed.
Turkey vultures bond quickly with babies and young children and more protective than your average Rex or Fido. These excellent pets will provide you and your family many joyful memories for years to come. One caveat you should be aware of before you adopt your Buzz Lightyear . Make sure to have plenty of cans of Lysol at home and in your cars as well as stocking up on sticks of Airwick, Renuzit, Glade , or Arm and Hammer deodorants. And just remember, "you can't teach an old vulture new tricks. "
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WORDY
Posted On 05/10/2019 08:58:34
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Don't you hate reading run on sentences that never seem to end but just keep on going on and on and never seem to reach a conclusion and meander so much,you never know what the subject,if any, you are reading is about and you are looking forward to the end of a sentence, like this sentence,if and when, it ever comes which I'm fairly certain you are hoping will occur very soon, possibly after any word now but then you realize you are still reading the same sentence that keeps dragging on with a lot of continuous frivolous poppy cock.? WOW. Did you realize what just happened.? There was a period at the end of that sentence.Yes-a period...just one small dot. That's one small dot for a sentence, one giant leap for a paragraph.
Without that period,you'd still be reading the last paragraph. You would be in what is known as a grammatical apocalypse. Thankfully, the period has ended that enigmatic quagmire. The man responsible was born centuries ago named Aristophanes Webster. Before he invented the period ,he was world famous for that period of time in which he invented the period. Aristophanes, (Ari as his friends called him), was also the world's foremost expert lexicographer of linguine, syntax, and erectile dysfunction. Ari also had a hand in inventing all those other stoppages or temporary pauses like commas, question marks, exclamation points, colons,semi colons, colonoscopies (a big hand in that one), and an apostrophe which he received a post trophy post mortem.
But the bottom line here,if that there is no bottom line but just a continuous run on sentence of pleonastic dribble, a sesquipedalian nightmare, and more verbose language that becomes so circumlocutory and stressfully prolix that Funk and Wagnalls don't know how their names ended up in a sentence that ended so abruptly . Period.
Oh My...Those darling cute hummingbirds are a sight to see. What beautiful tiny birds they are with their amazing flight and array of gorgeous colors. Hummingbirds belong to the order, apodiformes. Most are only 3-5 inches in length.
But now, fossils from the Jurassic Park era indicate that hummingbirds are actually distant cousins ,genetically speaking, to various species of hymenoptera (bees), More specifically, hummingbirds might be considered a kind of super wasp. Some right wing entomologists feel that hummingbirds ,because of their mating and eating habits , are actually more like our present day mosquitoes.!!! As the debate goes on in the scientific community, taxonomists(those people who classify plants and animals), are presently making it public record that hummingbirds are really insects.
With their high rate of building up and destruction of protoplasm, being able to oxidize sugar while in flight, and their ability to hover leaves no doubt in many scientist's minds that hummingbirds are essentially insects and belong to the family called vespidae (wasps). So hummingbirds may no longer be classified as a bird but rather an insect.
Ornithologists are up in arms and wings and legs, vehemently opposing this new classification .They claim hummingbirds cannot be insects as all insects have a head, thorax, and abdomen,and six legs. They say anybody who believes this ludicrous classification are birdbrains themselves. This classification change will be made official once the Mueller Berry Bush report is released.
Flapping their wings faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful metabolic rate than a loco locust, able to leap tall flowers in a single bound.....LOOK..... UP IN THE SKY..It's a bird, It's a plane. it's SUPERWASP.
A close friend of mine recently moved into a new home on Long Island, NY. This is a home like you've never seen before . It is a marvel of NASA engineering, a physicist's dream, a wizardry of masonry. This home built by the well known" Bed ,Bath, and Really Far Out Home Builders", using their patented pyrotechnic technology is like most homes except for one major difference. It has ceilings BUT no walls.
Now you're probably wondering how the hell the ceiling doesn't fall down if there are no walls , I can't answer that. But seeing is believing and I've seen this lovely spacious home. Even skeptics of Ripley's Believe It Or Not will have their doubts until they are inside this amazing home. Several of the rooms upstairs have cathedral ceilings, again with NO walls in any of the rooms upstairs. Experts in geometry and molecular physics helped design this amazing edifice.
When you come to think about it, what need is there for a wall? To hang some photos or pictures or diplomas or a mirror ,we can live without. People actually love a mirrored ceiling,especially in the bedroom. If you must put up a painting, even the Mona Lisa would look fantastic on the ceiling just like the paintings in the Sixteenth Chapel.
One major difference one might notice is there are no windows except for the skylights on the ceilings in the lower and upper bedrooms and bathrooms. So what are you missing? With all the violence around, maybe a "View To A Kill",or some annoying sun glare or dismal dreary rain. Think of all the monies saved on curtains and Venusian blinds. Besides, closing a window properly can really be a pane.
I don't know about you, but we are getting our home remodeled next month and I won't have to worry about spiders or wasps getting into the house by the windows once the walls are removed. Our new kitchen cabinets will be hanging from the ceiling and make reaching for dishes, and cutlery. spice rack, etc. a truly uplifting, experience. So let's all raise a glass to a Harvey WALLbanger of an ingenious home.
This has been quite frustrating. i tried to submit one of my recent posts to this satirical newspaper and I got a message that the page needed to be "refreshed". I'm not very computer savvy. Refreshed? What the hell does that mean? So I sprayed the monitor with some Febreze odor eliminator. It didn't have any effect. i wiped off the screen before my wife found out. Maybe I need to squeeze some lemon on the computer? It's sure tough being an undiscovered author. Even Reader's Digest hasn't published anything I sent.
Now I got all trhe wires wet too behind the computer while I "refreshed" the monitor. OMG. The queen won't be happy about this. Since I can't reach this othernewspaper audience, looks like you Boomer folks will be the only ones to have to put up with my humor
Back from a couple of days in the Poconos where our gated community's lodge had an exciting evening last night. The community holds different events like dinners on weekends, arts and crafts evenings. meet and greet other homeowner nights.( most like us are second homeowners called weekenders) . Anyway.last night was Strip Bingo night. No..not Bingo on a Las Vegas Strip type of night..more of a Losers take all night...as in losers take it ALL off. The way Strip Bingo here works is players get cards that are covered with chips on each box and when the social director calls off the numbers and letters,the chips are removed IF the corresponding numbers are called. Players must buy a minimum of two cards each at $5 per card and $3 for each additional card that gives them a better chance at losing. . I bought an extra 3 cards so I had 5 cards in total. I had only 2 chips left when chip Z14 was called and two tables to my right, Ms. Henrietta Hucklebee ,one of the few full time residents screamed "BINGO" . After her losing card was verified , she began taking off all her clothes and when an elderly man sitting next to her realized her Victoria's secret was out,he turned Pink and fainted.
OK folks...The time is coming when plastic items we are so familiar with every day will no longer exist except in museums. Here in New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio is going to have all plastics banned. Plates, cups, utensils, containers, bags...you name it..What's next? Plastic explosives? Plastic surgery? The mayor posing with an axe has said he would rather cut down more trees to make paper bags than to see plastic bags strewn all over our beaches and swaying in the wind from barren tree branches like decorations.
Tropicana items include these mini juice containers with little plastic straws attached. The CEO of Tropicana, Cimmerian Sunshine is livid. "I'm as mad as hell and i'm not going to take this anymore", Sunshine was quoted. "Let de Blasio suck an orange" he said. Sunshine refuses to comply with de Blasio's demands. Being threatened by de Blasio's henchmen, Sunshine said "This is the last straw."
Anita Bryant, former Miss America beauty pageant runner-up ,singer,and spokesperson for Florida orange juice is appalled and greatly dismayed that Sunny Boy Orange Juice may no longer be available to growing boys and girls . What about plastic baby bottles and plastics that many of our foods and beverages come in? Plastic grocery bags? People will be hording them for sure before this ban takes effect. Looks like our outdoor deck plastic chairs will be on view at the Smithsonian Museum some day along with our garbage can. It's time to buy a metal garbage can. I don't know about you but I'm investing money in American Aluminum Foil. I'm a big eater of Jiffy Pop Popcorn  .
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