|
Viewing 226 - 234 out of 295 Blogs.
| Page:
|
|
|
|
|
26 |
|
|
|
|
|
There's a big problem going on in one of New York City's public schools. Students and parents are incensed about their children's school, P.S. 714 in Flatbush, Brooklyn. Sidney and Martha Droid are planning a protest rally against their daughter's elementary school and kindergarten teacher, a Miss Farkas. It seems the Droid's five year old daughter, Ann, has been given a failing grade for nap time.
"Ann sleeps very well at night", Martha said, " often with the aid of children's doses of Valium, Benadryl, tryptophan, Melatonin, or a Shirley Temple with a couple of ounces of Southern Comfort 100 Proof added." Listening to Brahms Lullaby also helps Ann fall asleep. You see Ann suffers from insomnia and sleep apnea. She would be up all night watching the late late late show or infomercials without the help of these sleep aids. "To expect her to take a nap during the school day is very unfair", Martha was quoted.
Ann is the only child of Sidney and Martha Droid. Sidney says that Ann is a "good little girl and has never received a failing grade in any subject before including Lego or Spin the Bottle." The Droids feel it is absurd to think little Ann can just take a nap because some school administrator has decided it is nap time. "Ann is not a machine that can be turned on and off like a robot", Sidney exclaimed to the news media.
The protest rally is taking place for several consecutive nights,( the dates yet to be announced), in front of P.S. 714 from 10PM to 4AM in the morning ,a news spokesman has reported. Both of Ann's parents are nocturnal and photosensitive due to a rare skin disease known as xeroderma pigmentosum. A meeting with Board of Education officials is also scheduled to discuss nap massage therapy .
It is the hope that this snoozing situation be resolved soon so Ann can learn her ABCs while getting her Zs.
The first day of winter in the Northern hemisphere officially arrives on December 21st , 2018 .You don't fool with Mother Nature. But that's just what President Donald Trump has done with his latest legislative proclamation of when spring officially begins here in the USA. "The rest of North America and Canada can do whatever the hell they want," the President was quoted. On March 20th ,2019, at precisely 5:58 PM Eastern Standard Time is the spring or vernal equinox.(first day of spring). it is at this moment when the plane of the Earth's equator passes through the center of the sun or to put in layman's terms ,it is the exact time when the sun crosses the celestial equator,the imaginary line in the sky above the Earth's equator. Due to the late winter blizzards in our country affecting millions of people and covering many states here last year, the President has declared spring will officially begin starting this year on March 28th, to coincide with the traditional opening of the major league baseball season. I say traditional opening here in the US. as two games will be played a week earlier in Japan. Scientists and physicists and meteorologists have vociferously opposed this legislation saying that the spring equinox is an astronomical event. It is not something that can be postponed or rescheduled. Democrats are up in arms over this latest presidential decision claiming natural laws cannot be violated and begging the Supreme Court to intervene on this "orbital debacle. " Members of Congress have no comments except to say "LETS GO METS" and hope the Mets pitching rotation is more stable than the Earth's rotation on its axis.
With Chanukah this coming Sunday night, my wife being a lot more traditional and observant than me , aside from lighting the menorah and cooking a dinner (we're not Kosher so it could be a pork roast or pork ribs), this year she bought me a plush bath robe and house shoes as the two robes I had were a bit worn out, albeit my terry cloth one I still felt wasn't torn at all. Now, we don't exchange gifts for Chanukah as is a custom by some folk. At least I don't and wasn't planning on buying my wife a gift...Isn't my mere presence filled with joy and happiness and indefatigable inspiration and just being me ..enough of a gift? LOL.
Well, I suppose I had better get her a gift now and there aint much time left to do so. Flowers are usually my first thought because I know she likes flowers or maybe a cherry cheesecake to go along with whatever is for dinner. I saw a Mrs. Smith's Apple Pie in our freezer so I guess cherry cheesecake aint happening . No music DVDs or CDs, or LSDS or whatever you call them. No time to run to Target or Walmart,etc. I thought of a cook book...maybe give my wife a hint that chicken is not the only thing I eat she can cook. We have burgers and steaks and ribs and other stuff at times too and I bring in pizza and a lot of Chinese food too. A cooking utensil if I bought it for her ,she'd know is really for her to cook with for MY stomach.
I would never buy any kind of jewelry or cosmetics, perfumes, etc. clothes because I know any of those would be returned. I was thinking of a wallet or purse or something like that but realized she has a zillion of things like that from Coach or other designer names. A picture frame or glasses or dishes or ant kind of item like that we have too much of already and towels? She's been throwing out perfectly good towels we have so many...So....what to do...what do I do?
Then it hit me...With winter coming and snow too, of course, we need a new shovel. Being the caring sensitive person I am, and aware my wife has had a very sore shoulder for months, back and neck issues too..even going for physical therapy and taking pain killers too, I've decided to buy her one of those shovels with the bent handles that put lets pressure on her back. Am I thoughtful or not? What a great Chanukah gift for her. I'm sure she'll love it.....The surprise of my gift might be given away when she sees the wrapping paper,however...and we only have Christmas wrap here too.
I had Bell's Palsy several years ago when I was much younger...actually a lot younger. I was still an embryo in my mother's womb. Bell's Palsy for those not familiar with it is a temporary facial paralysis from damage or trauma to one of the two facial nerves. My face drooped on the right side. I couldn't raise my right eye brow without touching it, made more difficult as my fingers hadn't developed yet. I couldn't blink my right eye .It had to be lubricated with drops from my yet undeveloped tear ducts. I was a mess.
I was so embarrassed about how I looked. I felt every zygote, every ova, every spermatazoa that floated by me in the womb were staring at me. White corpuscles near me turned red with laughter. A partially dissolved misplaced undigested cocoa puff was going cookoo looking at me. Similarly, a fruit loop was doing cartwheels around my face and a decaying chicklet chuckled as it floated by in a current of endoplasmic reticulum.
I was way too young for any kind of surgeon or pre-neonatal doctor to remedy my grotesque situation. Even acupuncture and physical therapy which often helps Bell's Palsy sufferers was out of the question . Steroids and anti-inflammatory drugs my mother was not allowed to take as I was still an embryo and electrical stimulation to my facial nerves was considered by physicians to be too dangerous to try in my youthful stage of life.
Thankfully, I am almost 100% better today. There's a very slight difference between my right and left eyes that I'm aware of but nobody else would notice. After I was born, keeping my right eye moist and facial massages improved my condition rapidly. I would say I'm totally cured now even though I use my wife's Oil Of Olay on my face and Revlon face masks every day. I also have an extreme fondness for eye candy.
DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME...or if you do, keep a roll of paper towels and a scrub brush close by. I cooked my first bowl of old fashioned oats this morning...a store brand (Stop & Shop ), like the 18 ounce of Quaker Oats . It only cost me 62 cents as it was marked 75% off of the $2.49 retail so I figured I'd try it. i usually buy the packages of oatmeal. Different ways of cooking it-either in a pot or in the microwave and wanting what was easiest I put a few heaping tablespoonfuls in a bowl and filled it up with water and covered it with a plastic cover my wife uses to prevent splattering on the stove. I didn't measure. WHO the hell measures? I figured it would all get absorbed. I wasn't about to search for those measuring spoons or cups we have in one of our cabinets.... 3 minutes according to the directions and left the kitchen. BIG MISTAKE. When I came down, the plastic cover was off. The oatmeal was all over the microwave oven...just a drop left in the bowl. It took me about a half hour to clean up the mess before my wife came downstairs to the kitchen. She stayed in bed late on this Sunday. I used up most of a roll of Bounty towels. I was scraping oatmeal off the microwave on all 4 sides and top and bottom and the bowl too. I took out some maple Cheerios for breakfast and my wife never discovered the mess I made. Whew...That was a close one.
I was in the supermarket today and noticed this bright gold and black package on the shelf while reaching for some cans of tuna fish. This highly visible can was a can of kipper snacks.
Now I don't know about you but I don't want my kipper snacks anyway like this bright gold and black package or a similarly purple and black can of kipper snacks
I don't want my kipper snacks peppered or smoked or hot and spicy or in olive oil or soybean oil or in mustard or boneless and skinless either ...or with no salt added. . so please Oscar...leave my freakin' kipper snacks alone.
With the icy chill of winter due here in a couple of months. ,there's a little something I look forward to many mornings before I start work: a HOT bagel. Just once I'd like to get a bagel from a store that advertises hot bagels that don't taste like they came out of a refrigerator. Also, would a little more butter or cream cheese than fits on the tip of my pinky finger be asking too much? For the outrageous price of $4 for a bagel and coffee in some places I patronize, I expect more than just a dab of cholesterol-laden spread on it. However, sometimes the wait is so long for my morning fix that I have abstained from my daily rip-off and am relegated to purchase coffee and an overpriced piece of pre-wrapped pound cake or a tasteless invisibly buttered roll at a nearby competitor or bakery or 7-11 or even chow down a nutritious sausage and egg McGriddle. However, this autumn and winter, ,when I can relax and eat breakfast at home, I am forsaking all my breakfast bailiwicks. I'm having toasted rum muffins with gobs and gobs of butter and maybe some gourmet grape jelly too. !!
It's that time of year again when a lot of seasonal foods appear in your supermarkets and on menus at restaurants everywhere. There's one particular item I look forward to...I know it's not everybody's favorite but I make sure I have some when the need arises...Now before I tell you what it is...let me say something about my work as a merchandiser in supermarket.
Our team pulls out discontinued items as part of our job. Now....in the dairy section, there's an item I would never eat called salsa flavored cream cheese. Maybe some folks like it...anyway...in the fall, it's usually an item in the stores I work in and my favorite cream cheese takes its place as the salsa cream cheese gets discontinued and the stores mark down the price to sell it out.
Of course I'm talking about....get ready...here it comes...hold your breath .........pumpkin flavored cream cheese. I've seen it in the national brands as well as the store brands. Get yours to put on a bagel today. You can thank me later. Bon Apetit.
I was in the organic/natural foods section of a supermarket where I often shop looking for a jar of raw honey. I've seen dozens of brands of other types of honey in the supermarkets, health, and nutrition stores but read about the benefits of raw honey over even some of these healthy natural and organic honeys. Raw honey has not been heated, pasteurized or processed in any way.
Raw honey is known as a functional food. That is to say it has natural food and health benefits such as anti-oxidant , anti-inflammatory properties and supports the digestive system as well as many other health enhancing qualities.
After comparing different brands of raw honey( that cost quite a bit more than most other honeys), I noticed some big heavy corrugated cardboard cartons on the shelf. Inside I could see a big jar that was dark in color and hard to see the contents. The jar was very big like those industrial size jars of mayonnaise. I held the carton securely with both hands and noticed an unusual clamped rubber cap with tiny holes .
Now looking inside,very closely and intensely, I could see and hear the buzzing of hundreds of honey bees and I saw a honey comb inside the jar. !!! Is this for real?, I thought to myself. I could not believe a store could sell live bees from a jar on a supermarket shelf. Was this some sort of Candid Camera gag? That's an old TV show that fooled customers into thinking things they observed were real but was a set up to fool and film them.
I saw a store employee packing out groceries further down the aisle and asked him about the bees. He said these honey bee kits which included directions for making honey inside the carton were selling like hot cakes. This supermarket only started selling them after Memorial Day. He said the price was $49.99 which I had neglected to notice on the shelf label and there was an expiration date if I looked carefully on the box, August 31st, 2016.
What could be fresher than raw honey made from bees in your home? As I wasn't prepared to shell out 50 bucks , I ended up buying a bottle of inexpensive processed store brand honey and with the money I saved I also bought a can of Raid Wasp and Hornet spray instead of opting for a raw deal.
| Page:
|
|
|
|
|
26 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
