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Viewing 10 - 18 out of 295 Blogs.
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I had a nuclear stress test this week and now I'm radioactive. Docs said this might take a week to be totally eliminated from my body and flush toilet at least 4 times whenever I use bathroom to make sure radioactive contaminants are gone.
All the clocks in our house now show 12:00 midnight exactly as well as my Apple Smart watch and platinum Rolex too. It's probably due to the radioactive waves being radiated from my body.
I also have all our refrigerator magnets attached to my protective radiation suit. Docs said not to take a bath for a week and to wear boots in the shower to make sure I'm grounded.
My bedroom looks like the Aurora Borealis. It's surreal.
The good news is I can now microwave my Marie Callender's Dinners in my hands .
The 2026 Winter Olympics will feature the top CHECKER players in the world competing for medals. WHY IS CHECKERS A WINTER OLYMPIC SPORT?, you ask. The tables the opponents play on will be on the ice.
Now entering my mid 70s and approaching or already in my last lap on our tumultuous planet , I've decided in my brief time remaining before my final departure of this celestial body we call Earth to devote my dwindling hours left to my taste buds and my stomach. So starting in November, I've already scheduled some breakfasts, lunches, brunches, and dinners at some restaurants that I already enjoyed sampling their menus and some restaurants I've always wanted the experience to dine in. I'm starting my culinary journey of demise at some local chains here in NYC and Long Island like The Outback, Texas Roadhouse, Morton's and Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Some less prestigious chains like Chilis and The Ponderosa and The Longhorn Steakhouse are among others as well as some exclusive and posh steakhouses and seafood restaurants to follow in the coming weeks such as one of my beefy favorites, Peter luger with branches in Brooklyn and Long Island. Not to be missed for fill ins include IHOP, The Waffle House, and Denny's. Of course there are so many more to mention locally and YES, some fast food too. I MUST try the latest menu items at ARBYS I have not yet introduced to my mouth. Looking for Mr. Goodbar and other fine chocolates and ice creams and cakes and desserts and snacks of all kind shall commence this December . In addition , I will be traveling to neighboring states in all directions and fulfill my last wishes to my amazing taste buds and stomach without which I would embark on this perilous journey on our forever changing orb.
WHY CAN"T CONDOR AIRLINES ELIMINATE THE OFFENSIVE ODOR ON ITS PLANES? BECAUSE OF ALL THE CARRION LUGGAGE
Many years ago I had a very strict uncle who was a judge and when he visited with my aunt I had to be on my best behavior. I recall once he gave me a first edition of some book as a gift and I wanted to keep it safe and clean so carefully tried to cover it with one of those folding collegiate book covers I used as a kid. Well, I tried to impress my uncle by covering the book in front of him but I folded it all wrong as I was very nervous . .....which just goes to show that 'You can't cover a book by its judge. "
Why did the homeless man put a giant speaker on top of his makeshift tent he was living in? ...........................................He wanted to make sure he had a woofer over his head.
So I was at my daughter's house while she was on vacation in Hackensack, NJ. HACKENSACK !!!! Who the hell goes on vacation to Hackensack.? Billy Joel, maybe. Anyway, to make a short story long, so I'm kind of baby sitting for my daughter's dog and cat for a few hours and put on my daughter's Alexa. I'm not to familiar with all the gadgets around the house. She can turn the lights on and off here in Queens , NY from Hackensack, even view me or hear me with these strategically placed cameras. Anyway, I asked Alexa to play "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers and kept telling Alexa to play louder and louder and LOUDER !!!! All of a sudden, the speaker started to shake and burst into flying pieces all over the carpet and ceiling. The dog sleeping on the couch jumped off urinating all over the couch and carpet. The cat must have used up the last of her nine lives rocketing out of her cat bed by the kitchen . I don't think my daughter was watching at the time but I don't want to ruin her vacation so I'll try to buy a new speaker before she gets home and pray these pet stain removers work. Oh, and I'm vacationing in Newark in two weeks,.
What did the prison warden say to the convicted criminal at his funeral. ? You are under arrest in peace.
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