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Viewing 64 - 72 out of 295 Blogs.
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With the leaves starting to turn colors soon as we approach autumn, I discovered an amazing secret most people don't know. I became aware of this several years ago driving along Route 80 in New Jersey , but have also seen the same scenario along long Island . New York parkways during the overnight hours. WHAT DID I SEE ? you ask.
Crews of workers, men and women were painting the leaves on the trees. I could not believe it. Shades of red and orange and yellow and everything in between colors are painted on the leaves. So don't think for a second that the change of leaf colors is all due to foliage. Sure .some of it is, but that's why these bus tours to see foliage cost so much. Someone has to cover the expense of these nocturnal artists.
Etymologists and lexicologists , not to be confused with entomologists and lexicographers , have been researching ways to make our dictionaries have less words by removing what some people as well as I feel is totally unnecessary: SYNONYMS Who the hell needs so many words that mean the same thing ?
It's fine for Scrabble and spelling bees but for example if one wants to keep things" concise," does it really also need to be short, brief, terse, succinct, condensed, compact, pithy, crisp, or dozens of other synonyms. Webster's dictionary need not be so big. I believe words like "concise" are indeed "abridged " too far.
So this is not to be believed: I put one AA battery in our kitchen wall clock as it had stopped and needed a new battery. But I didn't realize I put in the battery backwards. Now it's getting earlier and earlier whenever I look at the time. UNBELIEVABLE !!!!
GREAT NEWS !!! I'm participating in the Tour De Franks this coming weekend. Transportation by the Greyhound Bus Corporation will take me to several sites where my route includes traveling from New York to New Jersey, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania,.
I will be touring the Hebrew National, Oscar Mayer, Sabrett, Tyson and Ball Park factories. In addition I will be sampling some organic franks at the Hillshire and Bell and Evans chicken farms.
My tour will culminate back in Brooklyn's Coney Island where some Nathan's hot dogs and fries await my gastronomic presence. I might even sneak in some dirty dogs in Manhattan.
EMBARRASING SENIOR MOMENT
So when our daughter was looking for a house about a year ago, I was in the living room by a piano which looked a little smaller to me than a standard piano size...or so I thought. So I counted the keys.
Then I told the real estate agent this was not a standard piano. I told her it only had 52 keys. It was a few moments later when I realized I forgot about the black keys.
My old girl friend, Claire Lee, who I get together with at times , makes sure she won't come to my house when my present girl friend. Lorraine ,is over. The women don't like each other to put it simply. I don't want Lorraine to know that Claire and I still have a close relationship. Claire is close to a neighbor of mine and often waits in their house if she knows Lorraine is with me but leaving shortly. So last Sunday, Lorraine left my house to go to work at her hospital shift. She's a nurse. After I saw her car pull away, I called my neighbor and said "I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone. "
I don't like when a restaurant says they will give you a discount if you are older than 60 years . I went up to the cashier at such a restaurant recently with my bill at full price and I said ..... "I haven't SEEN YOUR discount. "
I was STARVING !!! This was absolutely the last block party I was going to attend at my wife's cousins' home in Brooklyn. Now we're invited to a mid-spring block party in a few weeks. I could spend two hours in traffic getting there from our Long Island home. Great.!! Just what I want to do on my day off-sit in traffic-then sit with a bunch of zombies I have no interest in being with.
I told my wife that I'm only going if I can bring food and liquor.
Okay-my wife's cousins cater to their elderly parents. I can respect that. They're Kosher-on restricted diets-no problem-but this year put out some other food besides rotten deviled eggs,cheeses,and salads. I want real food-something I can sink my teeth into. Give me steak, chicken, beef, pork, corned beef-isn't that Kosher enough? My choices shouldn't be limited to baby carrots,cherry tomatoes,celery, lettuce, and several varieties of unsalted nuts. What am I? a squirrel?
Every other family and friends on the block have platters of cold cuts,humongous heros filled with sausages, meatballs, turkey, roast beef and veal- even dishes filled with lobster and shrimp. There are grills with hamburgers and hotdogs,barbecued chicken, and ribs. Beer is flowing out of bottles on every table...except ours
!!! We have borscht,(yucch) and diluted lemonade and iced tea for the little brats that are exploding water balloons all over the table and eating cotton candy from one of the free stands. Hey?? How about a nice porterhouse steak for our table?
Anyway, I told my wife either to get new cousins or else I'm bringing some fried chicken and a sausage parmesan hero that I can heat up in the cuzzins microwave ...for me. AND a 6 pack of Molson Golden. If my wife hadn't brought Dunkin Donuuts and mesquite BBQ potato chips last year, I would have certainly starved.
I'm not going there to stare at low sodium ziti with no sauce and some shrubbery with dressing I'm supposed to think is food. I'm in no way being disrespectful to the elderly Jewish couple but this is not a Passover meal and I'm not Bugs Bunny.!!
So here's the story. My wife saw these beautiful mahogany chairs advertised in a local paper for an extraordinary price at a this Cooper's Furniture store while we were in the Poconos , Pennsylvania.
When we called up, the owner said he can't hold them for us and couldn't guarantee there would be any left when my wife said we can be there in less than an hour.
I drove over there in about 40 minutes to see some customer putting some mahogany chairs in a van when we got there. My wife ran into the store and asked if there were any of these mahogany chairs left.
Some employee there pointed at the van and said, "Sorry mam, that's the last of the mohaganies.
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