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Viewing 82 - 90 out of 295 Blogs.
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Eight Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older: #8 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. #7Life is sexually transmitted. #6 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #5Men have two motivations: hunger and sex, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. #4 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. #3 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. #2 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #1 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
I have some disturbing news regarding my angiogram earlier this week. I removed the bandage on my groin yesterday not knowing if I'd freak out seeing a deep puncture like wound or more blood or bruising.
To my relief, I saw just two purplish holes that look like fang marks. If I didn't know better, I'd say a vampire bit me there. I covered these two areas with band-aids.
I have noticed the sunlight really bothers me since I came home from the hospital and I wanted a hamburger cooked more rare than usual the juices running out for dinner last night.
I did not sleep well and dreamt I turned into a bat. My wife told me this morning she imagined she saw something flying in the bedroom last night but quickly went back to sleep. I My wife is making steak for dinner tonight and I told her to make sure it's bloody rare for me .
ALL Quiet on the Western Groin I had this angiogram procedure yesterday as my EKG from a stress test showed abnormalities and my cardiologist had to check for a possible blockage in any blood vessels in my heart. I'm fine. Doc said I have the heart of a 20 year old which was great to hear . I got some post angiogram directions because the catheter had been placed though my groin. ..Among them, No strenuous exercise and even to curtail normal daily routines where I might be bending or lifting or even driving for about 3 days. How the hell is driving strenuous unless I'm carting some elephants to the Big Apple Circus. ? I was even told to avoid stairs. Hey, I'm not walking up the Empire State Building or Statue of Liberty or doing any mountain climbing this week. I'm not entering any triathlons or going scuba diving, or sumo wrestling, or swinging on the high bars at a local gym. BUT I don't think competitive eating is ruled out. Bon Appetit.
WHAT I MISSED THE MONTHS BEFORE I GOT MARRIED YES, I totally blame my wife when I was watching part of the movie, Teen Wolf, the other night on TV saying I wonder why I never saw it in the movies. When I realized it was released in 1985 ( I got married in mid August that year), I realized what other GREAT movies I missed because of pre wedding obligations.
Yeah, I'm pissed off. I don't think I can ever forgive her for missing back then movies like The Goonies, Return to Oz, Weird Science, Fright Night, Creature, and my all time favorite, Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
CHOCOLATE and CHIP, the two turkeys in the news, were ecstatic after being pardoned by the president and will not be on someone's menu this Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, a voracious hawk seen flying near the White House had a different idea. The remains of Chocolate and Chip were beyond recognition and only DNA testing revealed they were the pardoned pair whose luck ran out.
VETERINARIAN'S DAY SPECIALS With Fido's favorite holiday here, it's time to stock up on some wonderful items for your dog or cat. After watching the animals parade down Dogwood Street in the annual Pet Parade , reward your dog or cat with a tasty treat or toy . Remember to say thank you to a veterinarian for their sacrifices that have given you the freedom to choose to live with an animal.
I had a bottom fractured molar tooth extracted this morning by my periodontist I keep swishing my tongue without realizing it into the hole now where my tooth used to be. I just can't seem to stop doing it. The periodontist told me aside from not eating anything hard like a nut or pretzel,and not to play with my tongue. There goes my sex life . !!!!! Would I kid you about such a life changing event?
WAYS TO LOWER YOUR HEATING BILL
With the high cost of heating bills this winter, the US Weather Bureau has suggested the following to avoid those hefty charges. Move to the Lut Desert in Iran. or to the badlands of Queensland, Australia. or to the Flaming Mountain in China . If you want to stay in the USA, Death Valley in California or Nevada is a good choice too.
 WHO KNEW ?
We are a closer cousin to a catfish than a catfish is to a dogfish.
Dog fish are similar to sharks, they have to keep swimming to stay oxygenated. Cat fish just flap their gills to get oxygenated water through their system. Dog fish primitive, Cat fish modern.
And I thought my distant cousins were closer to apes.
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