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This might sound bizarre but it's the truth. Our Mayor De blasio of New York city must really have bats in his belfry. Our mayor is proposing some new laws that can only be described as insane. Bring back La Guardia. Bring back Giuliani. Heaven help us. Here's the scoop. Our not so friendly ornithological mayor has even Big Bird worried. He now has it in for pigeons.....yes pigeons for flying the coop. Mayor De blasio is fed up with the defacement and defecation of statues throughout the city, He wants to give pigeons summonses for pooping on any public property. Littering and loitering from our feathered friends will be a thing of the past. The extra police to enforce these strict laws will be coming out of the money of our tax paying citizens. City residents are prepared to protest and go to jail if necessary. The Birdman of Alcatraz might be having some company. The Audobon Society calls these new laws the mayor has proposed nothing short of ridiculous. "How can you give a bird a summons?" asked society president Al Batross. About the only group agreeing with the mayor are members of MADP,(Mother's Against Drunk Pigeons).The mayor may go so far as to put a curfew on pigeon flying. In addition, he won't tolerate any geese FWIs,(flying while intoxicated) .Canadian geese who share New York's friendly skies are up in arms..or shall we say , up in wings over the mayor's proposals. Birds of a feather may be doing a lot more than flocking together. With Thanksgiving just two months weeks away , I think New York city residents had better start talking Turkey.
Last week I encountered one of the most shocking events ever while working as a merchandiser in a local supermarket here in Queens, NY. This event was more startling and frightening to me than an accident a couple of years ago when working in a different supermarket and someone driving hit the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal of her car and plowed through the front window into the self service express lane machine area. Fortunately nobody was seriously injured back then.
But last week's incident was just unimaginable like a scene out of a horror movie . I was working in the cookie aisle. The ice cream aisle is my favorite if you're interested. Oh.You're not..well, getting on with my story, I was about 3 aisles away from the produce area which is close to one of the store entrances as well as the back room where the deliveries come in. While moving some boxes of Oreos, I thought I heard someone screaming....then I heard a lot of screams from customers and heard people running. Alarms and buzzers went off with a voice on the public address system saying to get out of the store NOW. Flashing lights and loud screeching noises plus that person yelling "Attention everyone,leave the store immediately".
Bomb threat called in? A fire? What the hell can this be I thought to myself. I've been in the stores before during tests with similar alarms and lights flickering. You should have seen the shoppers pushing and shoving and running like a pack of crazed stampeding buffalo..even senior citizens with canes making like they were Jessie Owns or Odell Beckham Jr. Other folk were just making like a banana and splitting.
Well, it seems several boxes of bananas...that's right...bananas that were sitting on the floor and on tables were teeming with tarantulas. !!!! Holy Arachnophobia. !!! Dozens of these huge arachnids were crawling all over the floor and produce tables onto fruits and vegetables in the entire produce area in just a few seconds. This was a mass exodus the likes I had never seen seeing customers running past me...hopefully none slipping on a banana peel on their charge to one of the store exits. I grabbed my work supplies, my two boxes of Mallomars I had paid for with the receipt still in the bag and hightailed it to the exit furthest away from the produce area before you could say Little Miss Muffet,
While customers and staff huddled outside with people saying there might have been hundreds of tarantulas (which I doubted), how the hell and when did those tarantulas get into those boxes puzzled me. The police and fire department showed up within minutes .Some guys dressed like "Ghostbusters" from a nearby exterminator also showed up and entered the store with some of the city's finest and bravest. More fire engines showed up along with some crazed customer carrying a butterfly net and even an animal rights activist group. What the hell are they here for I wondered...save the spiders?
Finally the news I had been waiting for was heard. The tarantulas had been contained according to what the police were saying . The tarantulas had NOT reached the cookie aisle. Oh what a relief. !!!! The store was closed for a few days while inspectors and exterminators made sure there were no tarantulas anywhere in the store . When normal business resumed a few days later, I made sure I steered clear of the Banana Nut Cheerios in the cereal aisle.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Now the Earth was formless and empty, chocolate was over the surface of the deep.....And on the 8th day, God said "Let there be cream cheese", and there was cream cheese and God saw the cream cheese was good and he separated the cream cheese from the chocolate . God called the cream cheese, dough, and he called chocolate, filling. Then he combined his creations by rolling them in a triangle and he called his creation, Rugelach.
Now as we know or don't know..rugelach is a Jewish pastry usually made in the form of a crescent by rolling a triangle of sour cream or cream cheese dough around a filling of items such as raisins,walnuts, cinnamon, fruit preserves, chocolate, poppy seeds, pistachio, or other fillings.
...And so it came to be that on an early August evening in the year of 2018, in the borough of Queens in New York City, in MY house, was a sealed plastic container of Reisman's Chocolate Rugleach. I had just brought home some Chinese food at a local take out restaurant for dinner around 6PM. The food included a pint of won ton soup and an egg roll for me and a pint of chicken with oyster sauce and small container of white rice to share with my wife. (She's not a big eater).
But being a bit hungry, I decided to sneak a chocolate rugelach in the sealed plastic container my wife had purchased. I doubted she would know I took one, stuffing my mouth just before dinner. But opening the sealed container, I pried open the unsealed side and then could not get it to close,no matter how much I tried pressing on the plastic edges. ...and thus when my wife came downstairs into the kitchen, I was caught basically with that "hands in the cookie jar" face.
My wife went ballistic for my being a sneak, for my snacking right before dinner with more than enough Chinese food for me, and because I broke the plastic container of rugelach. OMG OMG. You'd think the world was coming to an end. "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned." You'd think I had burnt down our house or totaled our car,or was caught cheating with our neighbor's sexy daughter.
The screaming and verbal attack was going on for what seemed like forever so I left the kitchen with my head down, very upset with myself and went upstairs to let my wife eat by herself. I came down to eat my Chinese food when she came upstairs as she continued in her vituperative rage.
Moving forward, that rugelach container is sealed on the side I broke with some Scotch tape. I am forbidden to touch it..So it's back to Ring Dings and Devil Dogs for me. I sometimes hide them in the trunk of my car or in a desk drawer so please don't tell my wife.
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FARRO
Posted On 08/17/2018 07:41:25
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So.......I'm trying to eat healthier. HOORAY. Don't worry. I'm not giving up my ice cream every night or fast foods or greasy foods or Chinese food or pizza or French fries or Ring Dings and Devil Dogs..Ok...So maybe I'm NOT eating healthier but with more fruits in my diet, I've bought and tried a couple of these so called ancient grains..YEP. Chef Mark has eaten quinoa...very tasteless and I even measured the portions of how much water to add...but very bland adding garlic and pepper and butter. I'm trying to cut down on sodium.
Their are several of these types of grains as i said. Barley I like in beef barley soup. Never tried amaranth I've seen in cereal or bulgur or spelt and several others but I did try farro....not to be confused with farrow-a litter of pigs when used as a noun or giving birth to pigs as a verb...and of course I'm not talking about Mia Farrow. So...in a rush I didn't measure and soaked the farro a bit reading the instructions and then poured about 6 ounces into a big pot of boiling water and boiled the hell out of it. I figured this way it would absorb the water.
I had read that farro is more chewy than rice or Rice-A Roni I'm used to eating and barley can be substituted in farro recipes. Well, your chef Mark had this big bowl of kind of mushy tasteless again grain to which I again added garlic, pepper, and butter...a lot more than the quinoa and olive oil and sesame oil too but no salt...trying to eat healthy as I said..Too much sodium isn't good for you which I am trying to curtail a bit as some of my kidney readings were out of whack a bit on my last physical.
The verdict is in. I'm no chef ..but I think you knew that. Back to my spaghetti and ziti and penne and pasta like that for now...I'm buying the whole grain varieties...trying to eat healthier you know.
I don't know about where you live, but in the Long Island/New York City area,it seems every time you know where to find an item in a supermarket,it gets moved again to another location. The repetitive,insane,pointless,unnecessary, and frustrating relocating of products is happening again. AND I should know. I work for a national sales and merchandise company and my team of workers move the merchandise constantly from shelf to shelf or aisle to aisle...for no reason except to disrupt the shopping experience of customers and get their dirty looks. Is a jar of mayonnaise going to sell better in aisle 7 than aisle 8? I doubt it. Why has my tuna swam from Oceans 11 to Oceans 12? Dora the Explorer would have an easier time tapping a maple tree in Vermomt to get syrup than finding it in a store by me. One week its in the cereal aisle. A few weeks later in the soda aisle,then the candy aisle. What's all the excitement in the Health and Beauty Aisle/? A male stripper? Nope. It's another deodorant reset. MUM's the word. The SECRET is out.Someone should BAN this repetitive redundant nonsense of switching Right Guard with Soft and Dri. Customers don't give a shit. Oh, their Ex-Lax and Milk of Magnesia has moved to a new shelf. What executive asshole is responsible for this lunacy? I don't blame customers for getting annoyed. We usually empty both sides of an aisle at the same time creating a hazard filled with milkcrates and garbage and shelves. There's really NO reason for this. But I'm just a mere peon. I don't make these brilliant plans. Oh-the planograms we use to place the products on the shelves eliminate many of the store's best selling items. Someone in Florida or Wisconsin has decided what people want to buy on Long Island. Its sheer stupidity. Do you care if Cocoa Puffs or Fruit Loops are at the front of the cereal aisle? Check the dates lately on cereal? I find boxes of Wheaties with Johnny Weismuller on them. The store employees don't rotate stock. I doubt they heard of rotation except for the orbits of planets and then that's revolution anyway. In your Hunts for ketchup as your shopping cart knocks over a stack of egregiously placed Kosher pickles, it's time to Wise up !! Is it any Wonder Bread is so hard to find? Can't find low carb peanut butter? Skippy it !! And when you're looking for a can of Campbells soup to go along with tonight's dinner, . Don't ask the store employees or manager where it is.. They are clueless. I hid all the cans as part of my duties in a place where you won't find it or reach it. MMMmmm Good Luck.
Ok folks....Ponder this....In what classic movie did The Thing, a Vulcan, Davy Crockett, an Unsecretary of Agricultural Affairs, Hollywood's ugliest man, a plant food pitchman AND Santa Claus all appear? YES. in the same movie....think early 1950s. Good Luck.
No...I have never been to Buffalo....but that name came up last night when i had a bison burger from a chain of restaurants called Bareburger. It 's from a place our daughter frequently orders from. I thought it was very tasty-cooked what looked like medium rare which is the way I like it. Bareburger has many locations in NYC and other parts of NY as well as in several other states. Fried onion rings, sweet potato fries were from Bareburger too and I also had some BLT pasta salad from a grocery chain called Stew Leonards, Most folks use bison and buffalo interchangeably but technically our American bison is native to North and South America while two buffalo species reside in Asia and Africa. Anyway, for those not familiar with Bareburger,they have all kinds of healthy burgers..many made from veggies if you desire with a build your own burger toppings of a plethora of ingredients and sauces. I simply had mushrooms, spinach, and tomatoes on my burger which is kind of tame compared to what you can have put on. Bon Apetit.
Food Glorious Food. Nature has it backwards, nutritionists protest too much, me thinks. I often wonder what divine creator, what supreme being has allowed mankind to evolve so that greasy fatty saturated foods are unhealthy. Cookies and ice cream and cake and pancakes drenched in syrup and butter. Why does eating foods like this in copious amounts need to be unhealthy? Processed foods filled with sodium and cholesterol and preservatives and calories and fast foods that constitute most of my diet...what deity has allowed the human race to deem such products as being unhealthy?
Why do the foods we crave so much...at least I do..thick smoked bacon, cured meats and steaks and hot dogs filled with nitrites and nitrates and thick chocolate sundaes with gobs of chocolate syrup and whipped cream mixed in, and French Fries and pepperoni pizza....why oh why I ask are foods like this not good for you. I think something is rotten in the state of Denmark here and New York and our country and the world. As I initially said...Nature has it backwards.
Why aren't fruits and vegetables unhealthy? and salads with an assortment of bright fiber rich colored leaves. Why aren't natural and organic foods really really bad for you? Why is salmon considered heart healthy ? Fortunately that's one of the foods I actually do enjoy ..but kale and beets and Brussels sprouts...not on in my favorite things songbook. Broccoli is another of those rare vegetables that I can actually eat but I prefer it in a rich creamy butter saute.
Something is all messed up in our dietary laws. I don't know about you but I'm driving to my local White Castle restaurant for some double cheese burgers, onion rings ,and a chocolate milk shake. Let everyone else it crow. 
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God. 'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..
'It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.' And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.' And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes . Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. 'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?'
'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'but for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this ? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob ?'
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story ?
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